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The Eighth Day of Mellowmas: Mellowmas of ’69

Jeff: Well, we’re getting deep into the cold, dark heart of another bonechilling Mellowmas.

Jason: We sure are. I woke up this morning and kicked my cat for no apparent reason. Just because.

Jeff: Yesterday, you took us all the way to Canada, for an icy blast of Mellowmas hell. And you know what they say…one icy blast deserves another.

Jason: Yes, I remember how happy you were about it.

So we’re staying up in Canada? Am I finally getting that Anne Murray/Rush Christmas song?

Jeff: You’re going to wish we were!

Jason: Oh no. Who is it?

Rick Moranis?

Jeff: Taller (barely).

Jason: Neil Young?

PLEASE DON’T LET IT BE NEIL YOUNG

Jeff: Today’s performer sounds less like a cat in heat than Neil Young.

Jason: Hang on.

Jeff: And yet he gets less artistic respect. Go figure!

Jason: I’m loading up my list of Canadian artists from Wikipedia. I’ll just start from “A” and make my way down.

Jeff: “A” is a good place to start.

Jason: Let’s see: Lee Aaron — haven’t heard of him…Abdominal — don’t know him either…Bryan Adams…

Oh, shit.

Jeff: BINGO, fucker!

Jason: Uh, Susan Aglukark, nope, haven’t heard of her…

Jeff: It’s the Mellowmas of ’69!

Jason: Chuckie Akenz, nope, don’t know him…I’ll just keep on moving down the list, then.

Jeff: Rewind! Rewind!

Jason: Sorry, I think I just lost my chat connection.

Jeff: Everything we do, (we do it for Mellowmas)!

Jason: I think what you said was “move forward! move forward!”

Jeff: Jason, have you ever really loved a Mellowmas?

Jason: Oh, come ON, man! This is bullshit! Do I look like Scott Malchus to you?

Jeff: You have no idea how much moonshine I’ve had.

Jason: I am not interested in talking about Bryan Adams!

Jeff: You know, I’m not all that interested in Bryan Adams either. But let me ask you one question.

Jason: I already have your answer: “Eat shit and die.”

Jeff: Ahem: What if Bryan Adams recorded a reggae song? For Christmas?

Hell, what if he decided to call it “Reggae Christmas”?

Jason: He wouldn’t do that. He’s a white guy from Canada, Jeff. Even Snow wouldn’t do that.

Jeff: It’s cold there. It makes people do strange things.

Jason: Bryan Adams really did this?

Jeff: One of those strange things: Bryan Adams’ “Reggae Christmas.”

Jason: Jeff, I’m begging you. Please, can we cover a song by another Canadian artist instead?

Like, say, Madeleine Allakariallak – Inuit throat singer and folk singer?

Jeff: But wait — what if I told you Pee Wee Herman makes an appearance on this song?

Jason: I would rather listen to an Inuit throat singer backed by the Saw Lady than listen to this.

Pee Wee Herman? No. That’s impossible.

Jeff: I think you might want to sit down.

Jason: I AM sitting down. Can I crawl under my desk?

Jeff: Just make sure you turn up the volume first.

Ready, mon?

Jason: I’ve already filled my ears with poutine.

Jeff: Go!

Jeff: “Hey, it’th Bryan Adamth!” Ah, there’s that trademark Bryan Adams reggae beat.

Jason: This band totally thinks they’re Led Zeppelin right now.

Jeff: Oh shit, you’re right!

We’re having a reggae Christmas, Jason! Down in Jamaica!

Jason: Oh man. Jeff, I’ve actually HEARD THIS SONG BEFORE

Jeff: During your college days, when every dorm room had a copy of Bryan Adams Legend?

Jason: That chorus is totally familiar to me. I think I must have just blocked it out.

Jeff: This reminds me of all those times I listened to Bryan Adams’ classic “No Woman, No Cry.” And played hacky sack to the strains of Bryan Adams’ “Stir It Up.”

Jason: You gotta hand it to Bryan Adams: this takes serious balls.

Jeff: Do you know anything about Bryan Adams having a horrible drug problem in the ’80s?

Jason: I know something about my own horrible drug problems that are going to start any minute now.

Jeff: Pee Wee Herman sounds like Big Bird.

Jason: Ha ha ha! He totally does!

Jeff: I guess that makes Bryan Adams Mr. Snuffleupagus.

Jason: No. Mr. Snuffleupagus was imaginary. Bryan Adams is ALL TOO REAL.

Jeff: Fortunately, not as real as he was in the ’80s. Although you’re right, you do have to hand it to him for recording this.

Jason: You would think the country of Jamaica would bring a lawsuit against him.

Jeff: Do you think it’s too late to ask Obama to extradite him?

Jason: I’d be willing to spend my Christmas Eve sleeping on Pennsylvania Avenue in the hopes of catching his ear for just a moment. I’m sure he would consider this his top priority.

Jeff: I think that sounds like a great idea. In the meantime, how about we make a pact to never listen to Canadian Christmas music again?

Jason: Oh, we can’t keep that promise, Jeff.

Jeff: At least until Neil Young records a holiday rap album.

Jason: I know one promise we can keep. No more Bryan Adams.

Jeff: Or Rush finally gets around to releasing its long-awaited collection of Native American yuletide flute music. OR ANNE MURRAY.

Jason: Or that new one from Elizabeth Anka Vajagic – post-rock singer and guitarist.

Jeff: Elizabeth Anka Vajagic’s okay. I hear she’s the new Peter Tosh!

Jason: Shit. I can’t get that chorus out of my head. ARRRRRGH! This sucks!

Down in Jamaica!

Jeff: Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! It’s stuck in my head, too. I’m going to go listen to some Joe to get it out.

Jason: You know what? I always thought Pee Wee was unfairly treated way back when. I feel differently now. Anybody who appears in a Bryan Adams video deserves to be shunned, with the exception of Tina Turner, who gets a pass because she’s Tina Turner.

Jeff: Seconded and ratified! Amen.

Jason: Shame on you, Pee Wee. And to hell with you, Bryan Adams. And I’m eagerly awaiting your album, Measha Brueggergosman – operatic soprano.

Jeff: Down in Jamaica!

Note: After we listened to “Reggae Christmas,” Bryan Adams went and released an actual Christmas song. Maybe we’ll cover it next year — whoo, whoo, whoo!




  • http://www.wingsforwheels.net dslifton

    “Embedding disabled by request.” I’m not sure if that’s a #mellowmasfail or a #mellowmaswin

  • http://www.grayflannelsuit.net/ Chris Holmes

    There are three types of Christmas songs.

    1 – Legit classics that you can listen to every year.
    2 – Songs that are just kind of there, and you can take or leave them.
    3 – Utter shit.

    This falls under #2 for me. And I’ll just add that Adams (almost) gets a lifetime pass from me for getting co-writing credits on one of my favorite Kiss albums ever.

  • http://mostlymodernmedia.wordpress.com Beau

    As a song, this is ridiculous.

    As a video/TV promo, I kind of like it. Maybe it’s just because I’m nostalgic for the days in which MTV had a rotation of VJs in a cozy-looking studio who seemed to be welcoming viewers to enjoy a nice party with them. That’s why I follow Martha Quinn on Twitter, and I’m not ashamed.

  • http://www.popblerd.com Mike

    You know what a reggae Christmas means…lots of weed! I’m so in. 

    (and…I kinda like this song…)

  • Peter Chianca

    If I’m recalling my ’80s correctly, this one was definitely a disappointment in comparison to Billy Squier’s “Christmas is the Time to Say I Love You,” also shot in the MTV studios and featuring actual cocaine-addled MTV staffers. Hey, was Billy Squier from Canada?

  • http://www.popdose.com jefito

    Billy Squier is from the North Pole.

  • http://popdose.com Anonymous

    Two things:

    (1) I love this song unironically. There I said it. He certainly does reggae better than No Doubt does ska.

    (2) It really isn’t all that weird for Bryan Adams to do a reggae song. Both Canada and Jamaica are part of the British Commonwealth, and Ontario, Canada (where Adams is from–specifically Kingston, which shares a name with the capitol of Jamaica) has one of the largest populations of Jamaicans in the world outside of Jamaica, so there’s a united cultural link between the two countries. Also, Adams’ father is a British-born diplomat, so Bryan actually traveled the world for most of the first 14 years of his life.

    The shocking thing, then, might actually be that he hasn’t done MORE music with an international flavor, having lived in so many different cultures. Of course, it was much easier to break through in the early 80s in Canada sounding like Pat Travers than Toots and the Mayalls or Kraftwerk, so that’s understandable.
     

  • http://www.popdose.com jefito

    You frighten me, Matthew.

  • Anonymous

    No download today? Way to dodge Web Sheriff.

    “Christmas Time” (of which this is the B-side) makes it to my mp3-phone every season. I’d pick up a cheap 45 to rip the flip, especially the limited green vinyl pressing!

    That’s 3 continuous days of Mellowmas without genuine pain. Have I built up a tolerance or have we not yet begin to glurge?

  • Anonymous

    Awww.  Now you got me wanting an Abdominal Christmas album.

  • http://twitter.com/MattSpringer Matt Springer

    I think the Lifetime Pass Office would bring legal action against anyone suggesting Bryan Adams is a valid candidate. 

  • Drebbus

    Check out the guy slam-dancing at 2:19 in the video- WOW.

  • http://twitter.com/MattSpringer Matt Springer

    Yeah, I seriously had to think for a second before clicking on that “Watch on YouTube” link to hear this one. I consider that a #mellowmaswin. 

  • Anonymous

    Susan Aglukark on the other hand DID release a Christmas album:

  • http://www.popdose.com jefito

    Now THAT is a #mellowmaswin.

  • http://popdose.com Anonymous

    Hey, I’ve been married to a Canadian for a decade now. A good portion of my life is approved under Canadian Content Laws (as well as drenched in deliciously rich maple syrup).

  • http://twitter.com/dwalsh76 Dan Walsh
  • fctorino

    Which league?

  • http://twitter.com/sanjuancruises San Juan Cruises

    Who out there thinks that’s Quentin Tarantino dancing at the 1:50 mark in this video?

  • http://digitaldreamdoor.com/pages/best_songs-Power-Pop.html Brett Alan

    I loathe most of Bryan Adams’ stuff as much as the next guy, but I’ve always kind of liked this. Certainly it’s better than the nominal A-side, which King Of Grief mentions below.

    In addition to those two songs and the newer one you link to, he also does a competent-but-forgettable version of “Run Rudolph Run” on the original Very Special Christmas album.

  • Michael Burke

    I got about 30 seconds in. I hate both of you.

  • http://sonicweapons.net Thierry

    While these facts are all true, we can still agree that this is the coddest of reggae, right? Also, I’m now a Popdose tag? That’s a #mellowmaswin if I ever saw one.

  • http://sonicweapons.net Thierry

    I’m shocked that you guys didn’t know Lee Aaron – or maybe that’s just someone who was very familiar only to Canadian boys in the 80s/early 90s. And she most definitely wasn’t a “him”, as you can clearly see in these two videos:

  • http://www.wingsforwheels.net dslifton

    #FuckThierryCote can’t be too far behind.

  • http://www.wingsforwheels.net dslifton

    Why did we need a Canadian Lita Ford?

  • http://sonicweapons.net Thierry

    Canadian content regulations allowed only a limited amount of Lita Ford music/footage to make it onto the airwaves, so we had to make up our own.

  • http://www.wingsforwheels.net dslifton

    That doesn’t explain why we needed one in America.

  • http://sonicweapons.net Thierry

    Only if I go bald, sue everyone and start dragging around the corpse of Bruce Johnston.

  • http://www.wingsforwheels.net dslifton

    Then I don’t suggest you ever drink bourbon with Giles.

  • http://www.grayflannelsuit.net/ Chris Holmes

    “I went to a bonspiel last Saturday night / the stones didn’t curl / I got in a fight / uh huh / it ain’t no big thaannng”

  • http://www.grayflannelsuit.net/ Chris Holmes

    “I went to a bonspiel last Saturday night / the stones didn’t curl / I got in a fight / uh huh / it ain’t no big thaannng”