The Eighth Day of Mellowmas: The Mullet in the Del
Jeff: Hey, Jason!
Jason: Oh, hello, friend!
Jeff: You know what I just realized?
Jason: Life is not worth living?
Jeff: It’s the eighth day of Mellowmas, and we haven’t seen ONE SINGLE MULLET.
Jason: Oh. Is that true? I feel like we might be discounting Miss Alexis Lee‘s parents.
Jeff: It’s true! Also on the list of things we haven’t seen: Red blazers, ugly ties, and pencil-thin mustaches.
Jason: That’s actually not true. Your mom just left here an hour ago.
Jeff: rimshot This red blazer has smaller shoulder pads than hers.
Jason: I bought her a Philips Norelco shaver for Christmas.
Jeff: Does it have a back attachment? Because I need to get something for Dave Lifton‘s mom.
Jason: You’re going to need something stronger than an electric razor.
Jeff: So are you after we finish today’s song.
Jason: Nice segue. What hast though wrought on me today?
Jeff: The one and only Del Way!
Jason: Where is Del Way?
Jeff: At the corner of Aqua Net and Sadness, I think.
Jeff: Judging from the cover of his holiday album It’s Christmas Time Again, Del Way is a gentle-eyed Hallmark salesman.
Jason: Oh my God! That cover! I…I…I can’t look away. It’s MAGICAL.
Jeff: You should see what Del looks like today, actually. I just looked him up, and he’s a singing minister. Warning: His website loads with a song whose first line is “The lawn sure needs mowin’.”
Jason: Whoa. Good to know the mustache hasn’t changed. That soul patch is unfortunate, though.
Jeff: Also unfortunate: Every note of It’s Christmas Time Again.
Jason: I just loaded up his bio. Poor Del. He has a woman’s face attached to his shoulder blades.
Jeff: I think I saw a movie of the week about that once. The second paragraph starts with “In the last twenty years, Del has written and recorded numerous songs.” Way to go, reluctant bio writer!
Jason: Whomever this woman is, she’s not mentioned in his bio. Which kind of makes it awesomer.
“His current singles are ‘Card Carrying Christian,’ which debuted at number 27 on the charts, and ‘This Far From You.’”
We need to write a song called “Card Carrying Christian,” Jeff.
Jeff: “Del’s life is busy to say the least, but he is not slowing down. He says he must make hay while the sun still shines, and the light is shining bright now.”
Jason: “Well on his way to alcoholism and divorce, Del realized his need for God, and on February 3, 1980, he gave his life, talents, and dreams to Jesus.”
“Jesus handed him back a cardigan.”
We should submit a new bio to Del Way.
Jeff: It would be awfully short: “What the hell is this? The End.”
Jason: He signs every blog post with “In Jesus, Del.” That’s gross.
Jeff: It’s kind of bragging, isn’t it? Although I end every email to you with “In Your Mom, Jeff.”
Jason: My mom’s name is Jeff? Weird. Man, I have some Freudian shit to work out now!
Jeff: You don’t understand the comma. That’s fine. I don’t have time to explain it to you, because we need to listen to a Del Way holiday original tonight.
Jason: For the first time all season, I agree with you.
Jeff: Would you believe that its title includes the words “Shining” and “Heart”?
Jason: I would love it if the other words were random, like “Chainsaw” and “Pickle.” “Shining Chainsaw Pickle Heart,” the new song by Del “In Jesus” Way.
Jeff: Me too. Unfortunately, the other words are “in my.”
Jason: “Shining Heart In My”? Weird title. If it ended with the word “Mullet,” I’d understand.
Jeff: I’m tempted to yell at you for stalling, but this is Del Way we’re talking about, so I won’t.
Jason: I’m not stalling, Jeff! I’m trying to get to the heart of the complicated person that is Del Way.
Jeff: THE MULLET IN THE DELL, THE MULLET IN THE DELL. HI HO THE MERRY-OH, THE MULLET IN THE DELL. ahem Anyway. “Shining in My Heart.” Shall we?
Del Way, “Shining in My Heart” (download)
Jeff: What’s up, pedal steel?
Jason: Those are definitely real drums.
Jeff: And a real voice.
Jason: I kind of like Del Way’s voice.
Jeff: Are you listening to this through earbuds? I’m noticing something weird in the mix.
Jason: I’m not. Just through my speakers. What are you hearing?
…Is it Jesus?
Jeff: This weird kind of bass flutter that feels like Jesus is fingering my ears.
Jason: I just put on headphones — right in time for the jingle bells.
Jeff: This would sound great in a holiday Kenny Rogers movie, wouldn’t it?
Jason: Yes! During a playful snowball fight.
Jeff: Every time he sees the lights in a Christmas tree, it reminds him that Jesus was born!
Jason: I imagine anytime he sees something IN anything, it reminds him of Jesus. Remember where he lives.
Jeff: His heart stole the star from the sky!
Jason: Thou shalt not steal, Del!
Jeff: Thou shalt not sing either! Ah, a sleighbell ending. Gotta love those.
Jason: JESUS IS LIVING IN HIS HEART! Does that mean Jesus needs to sign things with “In Del, Jesus”?