Jeff: Well, well, well. Look what we have here.
Jason: Oh no. Don’t tell me it’s that time of year again. I’m still eating my daughter’s Halloween candy.
Thankfully, she can’t read. Also, she hates Popdose.
Jeff: Oh, don’t try and pretend you had no idea. Remember when we were still capable of forgetting Mellowmas? Back in the days before people started emailing us around August 15 to remind us that it was on the horizon?
Jason: I remember! It was 2006!
Jeff: I remember too! This whole thing still seemed like a good idea.
Jason: Well, that’s because it was only 12 days back then.
Jeff: This again? You refuse to let go of that.
Jason: But the people demanded 25 days. TWENTY-FIVE DAYS.
Jeff: Oh good, you’re blaming “the people” now instead of me.
Jason: Well, no point in me bitching about it. This series isn’t going to crap all over itself. Welcome to the ninth year of Mellowmas, everybody! Let’s get this shitshow rolling.
Jeff: Well, it’s like this, Jason.
Jason: You always say that and I always hate it when you say that.
Jeff: The thing is, is that it’s December.
Jason: It is! The first of December!
Jeff: You know who else knows what month it is?
Jason: I can’t believe I’m going to ask this, but…who?
Jeff: EARTH, WIND & FIRE KNOW WHAT MONTH IT IS, JASON
Jason: Earth, Wind & Fire? Didn’t we cover them last year?
Jeff: That was Kool and the Gang, you racist prick.
Jason: Come on, that’s not racist. That’s just mistaking two relatively washed-up groups from the ’70s that most likely have very few original members left.
Jeff: This year, it’s Earth, Wind & Fire’s turn to put out a holiday album, which they’ve helpfully titled Holiday.
Jason: Which I’m betting does not feature a cover of Madonna’s “Holiday.”
Jeff: No, it features something better!
Jason: Hey, you know what would be funny? If they just ripped off “September” and called it “December.”
Jeff: [points at nose, points at you]
Jason: THEY DID NOT.
Jeff: They totally did! Earth, Wind & Fire ain’t care!
Jason: Oh man. Hang on, let me look this up … here it is. “December (Based on September).”
Jeff: BASED ON.
Jason: That’s helpful, guys! Thanks!
Jeff: What’s more Mellowmas than slapping some holiday lyrics on one of your old hits and calling it a new song?
Jason: Do they do “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” and sing “(Shining) star of wonder”?
Jeff: I’d love it if this entire record was nothing but crass callbacks to the EW&F catalog, but I don’t think so.
Jason: “Boogie (Winter) Wonderland”?
Jeff: You should have produced this album.
Jason: I’m full of cheap ideas, Jeff. Hey, speaking of cheap ideas, say hi to your mother for me.
Jeff: I think she’s out with Wing tonight.
Jason: Presumably on a helicopter.
Jeff: Well, it’s December. It might as well be “December,” right?
Jason: Might as well!
Jeff: Gosh, this backing track sounds familiar.
Jason: Do you remember? The 25th night of December?
Jeff: Love was changing the minds of pretenders.
Jason: Said do you remember! Dancing in December!
THAT’S IT? NEVER WAS A CLOUDY DAY?
Jeff: This is the sound of a band giving itself a reacharound for Christmas.
Jason: Look, I’ll be honest. I don’t know all the original lyrics. But these do not sound that much different to me.
Jeff: I mean, I love this song, but come ON. I feel like if one of the band members had spent 10 minutes, they could have at least had a “Santa Jenny” situation going on here.
Jason: I can’t decide. What’s worse: this, or changing all the lyrics around to the point where it makes no sense? I was just going to say — think Tommy Tutone did that. [points at nose, points at you]
Jeff: Why is this still going?
Jason: I legitimately forgot it was still on.
There was NOTHING Christmas about that. Which, again, I can’t decide is good or bad.
Jeff: For Mellowmas’ sake, I’m hoping this is the start of a trend.
Jason: I mean, there weren’t any jingle bells, no “ho ho ho”s…
Jeff: If 25 other bands in EW&F’s peer group decided to get this lazy, we’d be all set for next year.
Jason: Like who?
Jeff: Uh…Kool and the Gang?
Jason: You racist prick.