The First Day of Mellowmas: Pendergrass!

Written by Mellowmas, Music


Day one, everybody! Are you ready? (You’re definitely not ready. Too bad!)

Teddy Pendergrass: Happy Kwanzaa (download or stream below)
from This Christmas (I’d Rather Have Love) Amazon


[audio: Pendergrass – Happy Kwanzaa.mp3]

Jason: Mellowmas hits the Congo?

Jeff: Aww yeah!

Jason: I don’t mean that as a racist. It sounds like “Congo” by Genesis.

Jeff: For the record, I would like to say that I said “aww yeah” before Teddy, and without knowing that he would, in fact, say “aww yeah.”

Jason: Whoa! We want the funk! Gotta have that funk! Happy Kwanzaa, Jeff.

Jeff: And a very Happy Kwanzaa to you, Jason. When is Kwanzaa, anyway?

Jason: Kwanzaa? You’re asking a Jew?

Did he just whisper “oh shit?” I think I heard that incorrectly. I can’t hear anything over this bassline.

Jeff: You never know with Teddy. I love the backing vocals.

Jason: This song is actually kind of awesome. Together, there is so much we can do,

Jeff: All right! It’s a celebration!

Jason: At one point, I knew what Kwanzaa was about. I learned about it last year. But I forgot. Along with Hanukkah.

Jeff: If Teddy’s singing about it, it must be about sex.

Jason: Come join the party! I think he just started speaking part of “All Night Long” by Lionel Richie. Happy Kwanzaa, everybody!

Jeff: “It’s a celebration that will last throughout the year” — that’s got to be, right off the bat, the most awkward line we’re going to hear all Mellowmas. I mean, Mellowzaa.

Jason: You know, if people didn’t know us better, they’d think we’re jerks. But we’re this disrespectful to everyone.

Jeff: …Except Michael McDonald.

Jason: Well, of course not McD. Teddy is feelin’ this one.

Jeff: Oh, shit! A rap!

Jason: !!

Jeff: I give hugs to my moms!

Jason: Who is this? Bell? Biv? The other guy?

Jeff: I think it’s Teddy’s left nut! MC Scrote! He had a hit in 1990, I think.

Jason: Creativity! Unity! Something unintelligible! Teddy’s nut sounds great. I’ve been waiting for his nut to break out and do a solo record, actually.

Jeff: I love this song.

Jason: Yeah, this is actually pretty awesome.

Jeff: Modulaaaaaaaation!

Jason: Key change, motherfuckers!

Jeff: Teddy is getting the fuck down.

Jason: I’m doing my best white man’s groove right now. Key change 2: Electric Boogaloo!

Jeff: Wait — a fade-out?

Jason: BOOO for the fade-out!

Jeff: Bullshit! Boo! An excellent start.

Jason: But still, if you look at this song as a whole, it’s like 95% awesome. I can deal with the fadeout knowing that my booty had a good shake for the other five minutes.

Jeff: An excellent start. See? It’s like Mellowmas never ended. It can only go downhill from here.

Jason: Yeah, I think we’re screwed. We’ve set the Mellowmas bar really high, now.

Jeff: Just wait until Jim Nabors shows up.