The Fourteenth Day of Mellowmas: Jingle Blues

Written by Mellowmas, Music


We’re back with another day of Mellowmas – Day 14, to be exact. Is this as painful for you as it is for us? Just curious.

James Taylor – Jingle Bells (download or stream below)
From James Taylor At Christmas Amazon iTunes


[audio: Taylor – Jingle Bells.mp3]

Jason: Hey, fake horses!

Jeff: Monty Python horses!

Jason: AUGH!

Jeff: Whoa.

Jason: I hate when JT sings like this.

Jeff: What happened here? Did he record this after a trip to the dentist?

Jason: He sounds like he has Livingston’s balls in his mouth.

Jeff: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Jason: I can’t believe I just said that.

Jeff: I think it’s usually the other way around, but yeah.

Jason: Ha ha ha!

Jeff: “Steamroller Jingle Bells Blues.”

Jason: “The James And Livingston Taylor Teabag Album.” Just a collection of songs with Livingston singing and James cock-walloping him.

Jeff: See, this is what happens when you sell as many records as James Taylor has. No one has the guts to pull you aside and say, “James, I understand what you’re after here, but this is neither the time nor the place.”

Jason: Yes. I mean, this is not a cover.

Jeff: “Quit fucking around and play ‘Jingle Bells’ the way it’s meant to be played.”

Jason: This is some kind of pretentious re-interpretation.

Jeff: “And I swear to God, if you do that New England ‘blues’ growl again, I will hit you in the Adam’s apple.”

Jason: I like his cover of “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas.” But yeah, this is him saying, “remember when I used to be gritty?” And I don’t, so this isn’t doing anything for me.

Jeff: I think it’s him saying “I’m bored, la la la, I’m making a Christmas record.”

Jason: Holy shit. I just got to the scat.

Jeff: A one, a one, a one…And now the fadeout.

Jason: Jingle Bell ba fa fa ba fa ba

Jeff: I think the engineers got sick of listening to it.

Jason: Gee, I wonder why they couldn’t just end it definitively. Maybe because they never had any structure to begin with.

Jeff: I bet he did. I bet he was like, “Chicken chokin’ motherfuckin’ jingle baaaaay-heeeeells…”

Jason: ha ha ha ha!

Jeff: And everyone clapped, knowing they had faded it out already. And James Taylor hasn’t listened to one of his own albums in 30 years, so he never knew.

Jason: JT is capable of so many beautiful things, Jeff. Why did you send me this one? Thanks for the marble-mouthed Christmas carol, James. You suck.

Jeff: Boo!