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The Seventeenth Day of Mellowmas: Cabo Flippity Wabo Flops

Jeff: Happy Mellowmas, old friend!

Jason: Thanks, pal! You too!

Jeff: You know, at this point, without sounding too full of myself, I think I’d have to say that you and I have created one of the all-time great holiday combos.

We’re up there with Bowie and Bing. Kenny and Dolly.

Jason: I’ll agree with you. I look forward to our Mellowmas chats every year. Until we start doing them.

Jeff: Islands in the Mellowmas stream, that is what we are. And speaking of great holiday duets, that’s something we’ve sort of been short on this year, wouldn’t you say?

Jason: You know what? You’re right.

Jeff: Well.

Jason: Wait a minute. You have something up your sleeve, don’t you.

Oh, hang on, I have new e-mail.

“A Gift From Jeff.”

Jeff: Your favorite subject line!

Jason: “Message: CABO WABO CABO WABO CABO WABO CABO WABO”

I think I received this in error, Jeff. This was supposed to go to Matt Wardlaw, wasn’t it?

Jeff: There were plenty of errors along the way, but you receiving this was not a mistake.

Matt Wardlaw was probably in the studio when it was recorded, suckling a bottle of Mad Anthony’s Hot Sauce.

What we have here is a brand new holiday combo. Like tequila and light beer!

Jason: Sammy Hagar and…Richard Marx?

Jeff: In the red corner, weighing in at one hundred and Cabo Wabos, it’s Sammy Hagar!

In the other red corner, weighing in at a boot in your ass, it’s Toby Keith!

Llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllet’s get rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrready to rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrumble!

Jason: I don’t know, Jeff. I feel like Toby Keith is going to kick my ass if I make fun of him.

Jeff: Maybe Toby Keith should have thought about that before he recorded a Christmas duet with Sammy Hagar. There’s no way we can avoid covering this.

Jason: Not with a cover like this one, no.

Jeff: Besides, when David Lee Roth does a duet with Lee Greenwood, today’s chat will establish context.

Jason: throws up

Jeff: Where’s Santa going today, Jason?

Jason: sigh He’s going south, Jeff. Santa’s Going South.

Jeff: You bet he is.

Toby Keith & Sammy Hagar — Santa’s Going South (download)

Jason: Cute opening.

Jeff: Tasteful. I have a feeling that’s about to stop.

Jason: So far, I like this.

Jeff: Oh, it’s an old-fashioned line-swappin’ duet! Ain’t gonna be no white Christmas, Jason.

Jason: Well, now I see why Toby got top billing.

Jeff: Because he’s packing his tank tops, his board shorts and his flip-flops?

Jason: Wait a second. That was SAMMY SINGING THE WHOLE FIRST PART?

Jeff: I’m pretty sure that’s Sammy going “Woo!” and “yeah yeah yeah.”

Jason: Wait.

Jeff: Santa won’t be back ’til summer’s here?

Jason: Who sang the first part? I don’t hear anything that sounds anything like Sammy Hagar to me.

Jeff: Flippity flops!

Jason: YOU ARE NOT LISTENING TO ME

Jeff: Santa’s going south for Christmas!

Jason: What the hell happened to Sammy Hagar’s voice, Jeff?

Jeff: He won’t be back ’til summer’s here!

Hey, someone just motorboated your mom!

How many board shorts is Toby Keith packing? Jesus.

Jason: Forget motorboating! WHERE THE FUCK IS SAMMY HAGAR? I don’t understand what’s going on.

Jeff: Oh, he’s in there. You need to listen to more Chickenfoot.

Jason: Where’s the guy who sang “Why Can’t This Be Love” and “Poundcake”?

Jeff: He ain’t coming back ’til summer’s here.

Jason: I admit I haven’t listened to a Sammy Hagar vocal since I saw him play an awful concert with Van Halen in its drunk, reincarnated form.

Jeff: Feliz Navidad!

Jason: Why are you ignoring me?

Jeff: Sammy makes me happy.

Jason: How do you know that was Sammy? Did I miss something? Did he have vocal surgery?

Jeff: I heard Sammy in there. Unless that was Toby. I’ve never listened to a Toby Keith song.

Jason: Toby had to be the one with the twang, right?

Jeff: Maybe? He was the one with the board shorts, I think.

Jason: So was that or was that not Sammy singing the opening part

Jeff: Also the flippity flops.

Jason: ?

Jeff: Sammy did the first line. Then Toby did the second one. After that, it was kind of a blur.

Jason: No.

Jeff: No?

Jason: Isn’t that all one person in the opening?

Jeff: I don’t think so. But that isn’t the point.

Jason: Where the hell is Wardlaw? He’d know. Doesn’t he have a Sammy Hagar singing electric toothbrush next to his Cabo Wabo nightstand lamp?

Jeff: The only thing that matters is that Santa’s going south, and we were here to hear about it first.

Jason: I don’t know what just happened. Also, from what I recall, it wasn’t bad.

Jeff: Pleasantly silly. Charming, one might say. The best part is that it made me want a beer.

Jason: Are we SURE this is Sammy Hagar? And what DOESN’T make you want a beer?

Jeff: Are we sure anyone is Sammy Hagar?

Maybe we’re all Sammy Hagar, Jason. Isn’t that the true message of the holiday season? Gary Cherone died for our sins, and Sammy is risen.

Jason: I think I’m actually going to go back to my Justin Bieber CD. I don’t know. I guess I was expecting the old Sammy Hagar, and instead I got…old Sammy Hagar.

Jeff: Fair enough. I’m going to go see if I own any board shorts and flippity-flops.

Jason: I feel like this whole day of Mellowmas was just an excuse for you to drink before 10 AM. Which is fine. Go have your Corona.

Jeff: Hallelujah!

Jason: I hope lime juice gets in your eye.

Jeff: CABO WABO CABO WABO CABO WABO CABO




  • http://www.wingsforwheels.net dslifton

    A song called “Santa’s Going South” and not one mom joke? 

  • http://www.wingsforwheels.net dslifton

    A song called “Santa’s Going South” and not one mom joke? 

  • http://www.wingsforwheels.net dslifton

    A song called “Santa’s Going South” and not one mom joke? 

  • Legbamel Not-Pop

    I distinctly remember a motorboat joke.  On-topic, I actually kind of like this one.  It’s definitely going on the play list.  Thanks, guys!

  • http://www.wingsforwheels.net dslifton

    Oh, there it is. But it’s not referring to the title.

  • Anonymous

    OK, after downing a tumbler of HagarWabo tequila, neat, this still is very bad music.

  • Anonymous

    Sorry, guys, total pass today. Toby Keith’s red-state panderdrawl is verboten in our household.

  • Anonymous

    Way to step up your game, guys. And by that, I mean thanks for ruining my day.

  • http://popdose.com Anonymous

    Yeah, also color me disappointed that there wasn’t a single cunnilingus joke in the proceedings today. It was fish in a barrel, and you let all the fish jump out and back into the pond.

    And….the entirety of the conversation was that Jason can’t believe Sammy doesn’t sound like he did in the 80s? That he sounds old? Dude turned 64 this year.

  • http://www.popdose.com DwDunphy

    To be fair, while he may be 64, he still sings sex odes to sixteen year old girls. If he really wanted to sound “old,” he could have complained that the grocery store clerk overcharged him for the melba toast.

  • http://digitaldreamdoor.com/pages/best_songs-Power-Pop.html Brett Alan

    But that’s just it…he DOESN’T sound old. He sounds different, but if anything his voice sounds smoother than it used to. Actually, if you told me this was recorded when he was 20, and then he got old and did the stuff we know by him, it would make more sense. To me, anyway.

    What also doesn’t make sense: that wasn’t bad. Not great, but not bad.

    Toby Keith sure likes Christmas…he already had an album of original Christmas songs and then a 2-CD set of the usual Christmas standards and such.

  • Michael Burke

    Hate Toby Keith.  Like Sammy Hagar. 

    Accordingly, conflicted about this. It could certainly be worse. It could, for example,  have more Toby Keith.

  • http://www.grayflannelsuit.net/ Chris Holmes

    This music is every bit as substantial as I expected it to be.

  • Matt

    Mas Tequila for everyone! 

  • http://www.bullz-eye.com Anonymous

    I am not a fan of country or Sammy, but I have no problem with this song. Country is underrepresented in the Mellowmas genre – and oh yes, it is a genre unto itself – so I’m glad to see a little variety.

  • http://popdose.com Anonymous

    I think Hagar’s voice might seem smoother because now he saves his loud voice to yell at kids to get off his lawn.

  • http://www.popdose.com jefito

    Billy! We miss you around these parts.

  • http://www.popdose.com jefito

    Thank you for recognizing our efforts to be eclectic. We try.