The Third Day of Mellowmas: Jarreaumas!

Written by Mellowmas, Music

Regular readers of Popdose will know that we’re kind of obsessed with Al Jarreau. Who could possibly forget Al Jarreau Week back in March? So when we heard that good ol’ Al was releasing a Christmas album, how could we resist?  And yet, all we wish is that we resisted.

Al Jarreau — White Christmas (download)

From Christmas Amazon iTunes

Jeff: Where the hell is the scatting?

Jason: I just did a little over here. Actually, that opening is kind of nice.

Jeff: It’s beautiful, but I want scatting.

Jason: I bet the groove is going to happen any minute now. Hang on…

Jeff: Oh no.

Jason: Oh shit! What the fuck!

Jeff: Never mind scatting — where the hell is the melody? Al, what have you done with the melody?

Jason: How did he just pronounce the words “I’m” and “white”?

Jeff: I think Winamp is broken. This is much too slow.

Jason: No, it’s on my end too. Let me throw my laptop across the room. Maybe that’ll fix the problem.  Actually, that would TOTALLY fix the problem.

Jeff: I also think he sampled some Bob James keyboards from 1986.

Jason: He just ad-libbed a little.

Jeff: “A-white.”

Jason: “A white, a white Christmas!” Yup!

Jeff: Does he sound drunk to you? He sounds a little drunk to me.

Falsetto!

Jason: I’m listening to the bass now. I’m betting the bass player is getting a hummer.

Jeff: Doo doo doo doo be white…

Jason: There’s your scatting!

Jeff: YES! This is the mellowest fucking scatting I have ever heard.

Jason: SCAT AWAY, MUTHAFUCKA!

Jeff: SYNTHMONICA!!!

Jason: KEYTAR!!! That’s DEFINITELY a keytar!

Jeff: Oh, this is dreadful.

Jason: That sound is almost on loan from “What’s Love Got to Do With It”!

Jeff: Glissando!

Jason: I’m dreaming of a world where Al Jarreau stops singing.

Jeff: Dude, he didn’t even pronounce the “wh” in “white” in that last line. I swear to God he’s drunk. Or stoned.

Jason: When my wife heard this, she said “Al Jarreau surrounds himself with too many ‘yes’ men.”

Jeff: Having interviewed him, I believe this was probably Al’s idea.

Jason: Big finish. Oh wait! No! There are two minutes left!

Jeff: What? Two minutes? No. Can’t be.

Jason: Jesus, he sounds like the Cryptkeeper. Synthmonica returns!

Jeff: I love how he looks like he’s freezing to death on the cover.

Jason: Does Al ever pose for anything without his mouth open? I’m just curious.

Jeff: Maybe his nose doesn’t work.

Jason: He wants your Christmases to be JINGLE BELLS, CHRISTMAS CAROLS!

Jeff: Jingle bells, Christmas carols, children wishing…he’s just throwing the holiday phone book now.

Jason: I wonder if Wexford Carol will be mentioned next!

Jeff: I’m not sure we’d be able to tell that’s what he was saying. It’d probably sound something like ix-faaaaaaaah…

Jason: This groove definitely needs to be disturbed.

Jeff: Al’s just fucking around…and now he goes wandering out the studio door.

Jason: Looking for change. And I don’t mean, like, Obama change. I mean, like nickels.

Jeff: Or more Ambien. He really does look like he might be begging for change on that cover.

Jason: Who buys this stuff? Am I just too white?

Jeff: That’s an excellent question.

Jason: Because I can’t imagine listening to this, and being like, “…and NOW we’re groovin’.”

Jeff: Maybe with enough white wine…

…Nah.

Jason: Maybe if you slipped a roofie in it.

Jeff: I was hoping Al would give us something funky for Christmas.

Jason: I’d love to see some footage of him recording this stuff. I bet he makes some great faces.

Jeff: I’m looking right now.

Jason: Yeah, so am I. No luck so far.

Jeff: This is bullshit. Well, at least there’s the official Al Jarreau Christmas e-card. We can send it to everyone reading this.

Jason: Let’s do that. Let’s share it with everyone. Why should we suffer through this god-awful holiday alone?

Jeff: Merry Jarreaumas, fuckers!

Jason: Ha! Jarreaumas! That sounds like an inflammation. I have Jarreaumas in my throat.

Jeff: Ha ha ha ha ha! I had an upset stomach, and I went to the bathroom and pooped a Jarreaumas.

Jason: Oh man! That sounds PAINFUL!

Jeff: It was. There was scatting, too.