Folks, normally the Twelfth Day Of Mellowmas would also be the last day of Mellowmas. This year, though, it’s just another crappy day!
[audio:http://www.wwmmd.net/tunes/mellowmas/Daryl Hall and John Oates – Christmas Must Be Tonight.mp3]
Jason: Okay, good start….and then Daryl Hall opened his mouth.
Jeff: Goin’ down to Bethlehem!
Jason: BethLEEhem? Where the fuck is that?
Jeff: Fuck you, Daryl Hall!
Jason: Did this song need to be covered?
Jeff: This is lazy, lazy, lazy.
Jason: I like the original.
Jeff: I haven’t heard the original, and now I never want to.
Jason: Is Oates even on those vocals?
Jeff: You think Oates would touch this? He was home, rolling around in his money.
Jason: I wish Oates would come out with a $100 under his nose instead of a moustache. See, they insist on changing the rhythm and shit, and it’s awful.
Jeff: Daryl used to be a great vocalist. I haven’t heard him do one vocal since the early ’90s that wasn’t full of shtick.
Jason: It’s not that his voice sounds bad. It’s that he refuses to sing anything without going all soul ad-lib.
Jeff: It’s like he listens to nothing but old Keith Sweat records.
Jason: Ha ha!
Jeff: And he thinks the rest of us don’t notice.
Jeff: Real organ: Yes or no? I say no.
Jason: Yeah, I think it is. I’m not going to bet you, though. I remember our Jim Nabors bet.
Jeff: Never mention that name to me again. You think everything is real.
Jason: It goes with my Christmas spirit. I believe in real organs. And Jim Nabor kicking the bucket.
Jeff: Son of a carpenter!
Jason: I can’t believe you don’t know the original version of this song. It’s by The Band!
Bonus Non-Shitty Mellowmas Download:
The Band – Christmas Must Be Tonight (download)
Jason: Well, trust me, it’s better than this. Like you said at the top: lazy. This just didn’t need to happen.
Jeff: Never in my life have I wanted so badly to strike Daryl Hall.
Jason: You know what’d be great?
Jeff: If Robbie Robertson punched Daryl Hall?
Jason: In my dreams, Oates rips off his moustache and uses it like a nunchaku against Hall.
Jeff: Manga Oates!
Jason: Well, not in my dreams. That sounds awkward. I don’t dream about Oates.
I CAN DREAM ABOUT OAAAAATES!
Jeff: You make my Oates come true!
Jason: Private Oates! Because your Oates! Your Oates is on my list!
Jeff: I wonder if this shitty cover will be a hit? Or if it was a hit last year?
Jason: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! I’m sorry, did you just say “hit?”
Jeff: You’re right, I should have qualified. “AC hit.”
Jason: Holy shit. You’re wrong, but check out this fact. “The album includes a version of “It Came Upon A Midnight Clear”, which became their second number one Adult Contemporary hit.”
Jeff: See? I knew they’d ship this to AC stations. Receptionists don’t care about The Band.
Jason: Do you know what their first AC #1 was?
Jeff: Hmmm. Something from “Do It for Love.”
Jason: It was “Do It For Love.” You’re good. And really bad. All at once.