The Twenty-First Day of Mellowmas: Moogmas

Written by Mellowmas, Music

Does this look like Christmas to you? No? Well, it doesn’t sound like it either

Jason:When was the last time we covered a purely instrumental track, do you remember?

Jeff: I don’t, but I think we should keep going. Let’s see how long we can go without covering one.

Jason: Oh, I disagree.

Jeff: Also, I swear to God, if you found another Singing Saw record I’m going to gut you like a fish.

Jason: Here’s what I remember.

2007: Disco.

Jeff: Yes, which was awful.

Jason: 2008: Singing saw.

…and that’s all I remember.


Jason: I could be wrong, but this would mean that we haven’t covered an instrumental for Mellowmas in three years.

Jeff: Let’s make it six! Or sixteen!

Jason: And these posts have a theme, have you noticed?

Jeff: Yes, and I’ve been pointing it out repeatedly.

Jason: Finally, I get to do the leprechaun dance.

Jeff: shakes fist; steam comes out of ears

All right, you ass. What horrible instrumental do you have in store for us today?

Jason: Well, first, a little backstory.

Jeff: I hate it when there’s backstory.

Jason: We have parties at my apartment from time to time. Birthdays, holidays, that kind of thing. There’s often a point where I feel like it’s time for everybody to get out so I can go to sleep. It used to be around 3 or 4 AM, but I’m old now, so it’s usually around 2 AM.

Jeff: When I didn’t have kids and could throw parties, there was a guy I’d always invite for that purpose. He’d just pull his pants down and run around.

Jason: The first few parties we had, people just weren’t leaving. Then, at one party, just for fun, I put on “Hotel California” — but not by the Eagles. By the Moog Cookbook.

Jeff: Moog! The synth whose name doesn’t sound the way it looks!

Jason: And suddenly, everyone was like, “Wow, it’s getting late, I should get going…” And I realized something: Moog makes people head for the hills. Or at least the streets of Queens.

Jeff: It’s the second-most evil synthesizer. After the Theremin.

Jason: So…

In that spirit…

dramatic pause

I present to you a gem from 1969.

Jeff: We already did Mellowmas of ’69!

The Moog Machine, "Christmas Becomes Electric"

Jason: The Moog Machine: Christmas Becomes Electric.

Jeff: This is not real.

Jason: Oh, yes it is.

Jeff: Fuck you. THIS IS NOT REAL.

Jason: leprechaun dance

Jeff: But I don’t want to listen to Moog Christmas music!

Jason: I don’t want to listen to ANYTHING you send me! Sit the fuck down and queue up the track I have chosen.

Jeff: “O Holy Night.” How deeply ironic.

Jason: leprechaun dance

Jeff: Get it all out, you bastard. I will have my revenge.

The Moog Machine, “O Holy Night” (download)
The Moog Machine, "Christmas Becomes Electric"

Jeff: Are we watching a PBS science documentary from the ’70s?

Jason: wahwahwahwahwahwah

Jeff: I feel like Carl Sagan should start talkin…oh wait, there’s the melody.

Jason: It’s almost singing saw-ish! Two wahwahwahwahwahwahs!

Jeff: Not coincidentally, I’m almost sick!

Jason: Four synths playing now! FIVE!

Do you like it? Say you like it.


Jason: la la la la la la la

Jeff: All this needs is Vanessa Carlton.

Jason: I think there’s like six keyboards now!

Jeff: This has been the longest minute and 50 seconds I can remember spending.

Jason: Waaaaah on your waaaaaaaah

Jeff: I fall on my knees!

Jason: And waaaaaaaaaah the angel wahhhhhhhhhhh

Jeff: I hear the synths’ voices!

Jason: oh, wahhhhhhhhhh

Jeff: O night divine!

Jason: when waaaaah was waaaaaaaaaaahhhhh

Jeff: The night when Jason gets hit by a train!

Well, UGH.

Jason: Oh, come on! It wasn’t that bad!

Jeff: Not compared to some of the other stuff we’ve listened to, or getting mugged. But was there anything remotedly Christmasy about it? No. No there was not.

Jason: What? The melody was all there!

Jeff: That isn’t the point and you know it!

Jason: So if I’m hearing you correctly, you feel like you want something more Christmasy in your Moog. Because I can make this happen.

Jeff: You are NOT hearing me correctly, and I want Moog OUT of my Christmas. “Moog” and “Christmas” are antonyms.

Jason: Huh. I think Gmail is trying to get your attention.

Jeff: You stupid dick. “The Moog Noel.”

Jason: PLAY IT

Jeff: At least this one is less than 90 seconds long. I’m strong enough!

The Moog Machine, “The First Noel” (download)
The Moog Machine, "Christmas Becomes Electric"


Jason: The first waaaaaaahhhhh

Jeff: This sounds like a greeting card!

Jason: the waaaaaah did waaaaaaaahhhh

Jeff: Oh, I just got queasy. That shift, or whatever the hell happened a few seconds ago — I’d say it went out of tune, but that doesn’t seem appropriate.

Jason: There’s like a steel drum-y synth now! BORN IS THE WAAAAH OF IS-WAHHHHH-EL

Jeff: I feel like I’m trapped in a toy store after dark, and no one can hear me screaming for help.

Jason: Good. Now GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.

Jeff: The scary Poltergeist clown is choking me, Jason! I can’t breathe.

Waaaaaah waaaaah waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhggghghghh.

Jason: Yaaaaaay!