The Twenty-Third Day of Mellowmas: Silent Night, Monkee Hole

Jason: Y’know, Jeff, a lot of people have helped us make Mellowmas happen.

Jeff: Oh, are we going to start blaming people now?

Jason: I’m not talking about the awful artists. I’m talking about the awful readers.

Jeff: Yes! A good old-fashioned Mellowmas shaming.

Jason: First, I’d like to thank Mr. Jeffrey Thames. This man has sent us more crap in the past two weeks than maybe anyone. Medsker is a close second.

Jeff: That’s definitely true about Medsker. I’ve developed a nervous tic when I see his name in my inbox.

Jason: Back in November, Mr. Thames sent us a link to this post on Regretsy.



Jason: There are lots of awful things in there. I listened to a few.

But one name stood out to me as being kind of perfect for this holiday: Davy Jones.

Jeff: Davy Jones!

Jason: I was a HUGE Monkees fan when I was a kid.

Jeff: You couldn’t have picked Jay Leno or Slim Sphincter?

Jason: The Monkees were my second concert — Weird Al opened. It was awesome.

Jeff: I had no idea Weird Al toured with the Monkees, but that’s kind of perfect. Has Weird Al ever parodied a Monkees song?

Jason: It wasn’t until I was much older that I realized that all of the Monkees are dicks.

Jeff: Is it all of them? I thought Marty Ross was a nice guy.

Jason: No, real Monkees. Jeff. Not fake Monkees.

Jeff: Is there a difference? At least the fake Monkees don’t have to deal with Mike Nesmith quitting all the time. That seems like a plus. On the other hand, the real Monkees get to have Ami Dolenz hanging around.

Jason: Isn’t Ami Dolenz like 50 now?

Jeff: In my mind, Ami Dolenz stopped aging sometime around 1989.

I wish you’d dug up an Ami Dolenz song, Jason.

Jason: I’m sure Micky has recorded some Christmas music. But thanks to Jeffrey’s link, I stumbled down the Monkee Hole and found this.

Davy Jones Has a Christmas Jones

Jeff: shriek That cover artwork! Oh my God!

Wait, wasn’t Christmas Jones the name of the character that Denise Richards played on that one Bond movie?

Jason: This album was recorded in 1976 in Hawaii.

Jeff: Now I’m imagining this whole alternate scenario where a confused Davy Jones imagines himself a spy.

Jason: And it’s apparently been reissued many times, but now it comes under the name Christmas Jones, which just makes no sense. Why would you pick a name for your album that’s NOT YOUR OWN when NOBODY IS REALLY LOOKING FOR YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE?

Jeff: On the Bandcamp page, it’s described as “ever-popular.”

Hey, it was remastered in 2009 by Scott Francis! Do you think he’s related to Genie Francis?

Jason: Argh, why can’t I remember the names of her brothers? I love those guys!

Jeff: This album leads off with the wonderfully named “When I Look Back on Christmas (Rare Long Version).”

Jason: Davy is no stranger to shitty album covers.

Jeff: Davy Jones LIVE!!! From the Shitter

Jason: I didn’t listen to all the tracks on the Christmas Jones album, but I think I found a good one.

Jeff: You do not.

Jason: And by “good,” I mean…well, you know what I mean.

Jeff: Exactly.

Jason: EVERYBODY knows what I mean.

Jeff: Except Davy Jones! Wacka wacka!

Davy Jones, “Silent Night” (download)
Davy Jones Has a Christmas Jones

Jeff: Whoa.

Jason: Warbly!

Jeff: And very, very ’70s.

Oh,  I do wish he hadn’t started singing.

Jason: This is what happens when you “remaster” from the one remaining copy of the record.

Breathy! Vibrato-y!

Jeff: I really kind of like this, without the vocals.

Jason: Davy-y!

Sleee-eee-p in hea-aaa-venly pee-ee-eeace!

Jeff: You know how you move your head around to try and see the screen when a tall person sits in front of you at the movies? That’s what I’m doing to try and ignore Davy’s voice right now.

Jason: It has an odd country twang to it. I can’t figure out why.


Jeff: Alternately, I’m imagining that Davy’s singing like this because he’s been locked outside and is freezing to death in the snow.

Jason: Wait, the best part is coming up.

And now, ladies and gentlemen…

Jeff: While wearing an ill-fitting nutcracker’s unifo…oh, no.



Jeff: I’m squirming in my seat.

Why why why why why why why

Jason: He just said “Thou shalt not kill” in the middle of SILENT NIGHT!

Jeff: And “thou shalt not commit adultery”!

Jason: …and back to “Silent Night!” I LOVE IT!

Jeff: This is fucking AWFUL.

Jason: Someone thought it’d be a good idea for DAVY JONES to lecture his 145 remaining fans in 1976!

He also skipped like five commandments.

Sleee-eeeep in heaa-aaaaaa-venly peeee-eeee-eeeeace!

Jeff: I like how he ended with his version of a bass note. That’s Davy’s Big Boy voice.

Jason: And if you listen closely, you can hear the oh-so-warbly final keyboard note.

Jeff: Why would anyone listen closely?

Jason: Why would anyone do 25 days of Mellowmas? See what a stupid question that was?

Jeff: Are you asking me to get you a Davy Jones Fan Club membership for Christmas?


Jeff: You can be a Davy Devotee!

Jason: If you do that, I’ll retaliate by enrolling you in the Peter Tork Fan Club. And you KNOW that fan club is way worse than Davy’s.

Jeff: I think you become president by default, don’t you?

Jason: The membership card smells like mothballs.

Jeff: Davy Jones has a blog on his website. Without looking, I want you to try and guess what it’s called.

Jason: “The Daily Davy.”

Jeff: That is incorrect.

The answer, my friend, is “Keep Up with the Joneses.”

Jason: stares blankly at screen

Jeff: Hey, you look like Davy on his homepage!

Jason: You son of a bitch.

Jeff: leprechaun dance

  • http://sportsmyriad.com Beau

    It’s as if he wants to be Linus.

  • http://www.bullz-eye.com Anonymous

    My first Mellowmas name-check! *leprechaun dance*

    Also, that was terrible.

  • Anonymous

    While I’m honored to the brink of tears (if not another liquid excretion) to contribute to the Mellowmassacree and get called out for it, and I admit that Davy’s a logical choice for these things you do, I’d like to clarify for those not directly involved that many superior earworms exist in that Regretsy post we’ve scared everyone away from. Like Bobby Salvatore’s “Stick ‘em Up Santa”. Or the Chinese kids’ choir version of “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing”. Or the chestnut that I have to keep from singing out loud to myself at work, Kay Martin’s “Hang Your Balls on the Christmas Tree”.

    *sigh* I know, Davy, thou shalt not belabor the point. Sorry.

    Thank you for letting me play along, gentlemen. Thanks also for leaving my mother out of it, that’s Lifton’s department (and his alone).

  • http://www.wingsforwheels.net dslifton

    I’ve never said anything about your mother.

  • Anonymous

    Let me rephrase that. Rather, let me refer you to Giles’ comment of yesterday re “The Sad Christmas Goat”. I’m happy to let you be the butt of mom jokes in the comment pool. Hell, I’m happy simply to let you be the butt.

  • http://digitaldreamdoor.com/pages/best_songs-Power-Pop.html Brett Alan

    Always a little disappointing when the Mellowmas song is something I already have, but this really did need to be heard. The Ten Commandments really makes it.

    Mickey cut “O Little Town Of Bethlehem” in 1993. (I can send an mp3 if you want.) And Mickey, Davy, and Peter did a Christmas single in 1976 called “Christmas Is My Time Of Year” (previously recorded by the Turtles with some guests as “The Christmas Spirit”) that’s actually quite good–it might be fairly well known if they had been able to use the “Monkees” name on it, but the company always used to charge them a lot.

    And, hey, I don’t know whether to be proud or ashamed that I hadn’t taken to adding to the holiday crap you guys are getting sent. If I told you I just discovered a really bizarre recording featuring lead vocals by a child who grew up to have several number one hits, would you be telling me to send it, or to delete it? B^)

  • Anonymous

    And bringing today’s post full circle, here’s a wreath that crowbars other Biblical elements into the Nativity…courtesy of Regretsy! http://www.regretsy.com/2007/12/23/december-23-2011/

  • Anonymous

    I’d tell you to send it my way, unless it’s an exclusive offer.

    The Monkees (Not Monkees) single from ’76 is currently on my mp3 phone, along with “Ríu Chíu” and that Mellowmas gasser from the House(s) of Ross, “What I Want (For Christmas)”.

  • http://digitaldreamdoor.com/pages/best_songs-Power-Pop.html Brett Alan

    Sure…send me an email at brettalan at gmail and I’ll send it right on out to you.