Through The Course Of Never Forgetting

Dw. Dunphy September 11, 2012 4

I remember an argument I had with a friend roughly six years ago. 9-11 changed him greatly; it turned him from a merry prankster into somewhat of an angry person. We did not see it in the first few years after the attack on the World Trade Center and we were all still angry and a little scared too. The attitude was a natural response then to that long-held myth of “it can’t happen here” being shredded before our eyes. Once we arrived at the point of this argument, most of us had been able to move on with lingering questions in mind — could it happen again, when might “they” decide to do it, I’m 90% sure this plane trip is safe but that 10% is really bothering me — but not him. He stayed in that angry place, and so when he threw “never forget” in my face for the umpteenth time, like it was a newly-minted revelation that should give me instant enlightenment, I snapped back, “How could I when you never shut up about it?”

Even at this stage of emotional cessation, Americans still are confronted with feelings of sadness, fear, patriotism, jingoism, and protectiveness when it comes to 9-11. You can have conversations about it, but you cannot joke about it. You can swell and fixate upon it but you better not be seen profiting from it…yet there are many who absolutely are profiting from it.

Some got addicted to the unity that occurred on the day of that event, for many seeing for the first time in their lives what a unified country collective looked and behaved like. Sure there was fear. There was also love. There was concern, and also some anger and revenge in there as well, but a generation finally saw what it was like when the mass was all on the same page and even in the misery, there was something seductive about its warmth…probably falsely seductive.

Six years ago I disconnected from a friend because he never could find a way to move from that state which could only be considered a form of lust. For the sake of having something legitimate to be mad about, he chose something to be mad about all the time. Before all that we used to have long, weird, fascinating, convoluted conversations about punk rock, why John Hughes might be (now might have been) an auteur or not, and why Tex Avery was one of animation’s best and sickest minds. The 24-hour 9-11 channel took all of that away. Last I heard, he’s a full-on birther, equating the current president to sleeper agencies for Al Qaida. I am glad to not be a part of those conversations even though I miss the former ones terribly. And so it goes.

I haven’t forgotten 9-11. Probably anyone of a sentient age in 2001 will always remember too, but there will be a generation that came shortly after that who will grow up and be utterly confused by our connection to this, just as we may have been to the sense of shock and fear in the U.S. after Pearl Harbor. We in this generation recognize that attack as a horrible event and a defining one, but we do not feel that sting they felt and cannot share their anger, especially after all our commingled years with Japan. No one forgot Pearl Harbor. No one will forget 9-11. That will never change, but how they pivot to or from the subject necessarily will. We’re humans that way. The question is whether we can not be so consumed more than a decade later that we still shout about it, write in colored chalk on our car windows “9-11 Forever And May Terrorists Burn In Hell,” and continue to dig the trenches.

I lost a good friend in 9-11. He’s still living though.

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  • http://twitter.com/MrJones2009 Denny Angelle

    Awesome and perceptive piece. Those last two lines are devastating. Thanks.

  • http://jabartlett.wordpress.com jabartlett

    Jesus, this goddamn day. As Americans, we are brought up to think of ourselves as the biggest and best people
    on Earth, so naturally when we suffer, we believe that we suffer bigger
    and our suffering is more important than the suffering of anyone else.

    Somebody somewhere else referred to 9/11 observances as our annual ripping-off of the scab on our PTSD, which mixes metaphors but makes the point perfectly. And it’s true, Dw., that we can never forget because people won’t shut up about it. *Remembering* is fine, but wallowing in grief is not healthy, and we’re still wallowing. Much of what we’re seeing today, in the news media and on social media—I can’t look at my Facebook and Twitter feeds anymore today— feels like 9/11 porn. (Which is also a phrase I’m stealing from somebody somewhere else, but only because it fits.)

  • Mike Heyliger

    I see this from both sides. I wasn’t directly affected by the attack-at least not in terms of losing anyone close to me. But I was in New York when it happened, and I’ve had to deal with everything from confronting my own racism in the name of identifying terrorists to survivor’s guilt. I still have nightmares about buildings blowing up around me even though it’s been eleven years and I was a good 7 or 8 miles away from the site when the buildings were crashed into. 9/11 was traumatic in the same way that my grandfather dying was traumatic. If there’s one day in my 36 years alive that I can say I remember with clarity from beginning to end, it’s September 11th, 2001. I don’t think it’s wrong to remember. I don’t think it’s wrong to publicly remember. Some people may take it to the nth degree, but I don’t even know that their behavior is something I can criticize.

    I mean, there is a level of overkill for some people, like with your friend, but today, I’ve also seen some people criticize others for simply acknowledging the event, going through whatever mourning or rememberance process they’re going through. Everyone’s healing process is different.

    As far as making light, I generally don’t have a problem with jokes about most things. However, 9/11 jokes are right up there with AIDS jokes and cancer jokes as things that will make me walk out of the room. Anyone who would kid about an event in which thousands of innocent people lost their lives either has no heart or has never had anything catastrophic happen to them or any of their loved ones. Good for them, I guess. But I hope they have the same sense of humor when (or if) they go through a traumatic event and someone else decides to make light of their feelings. Snark isn’t an acceptable response to everything.

  • http://jabartlett.wordpress.com jabartlett

    Well said. I am by no means criticizing people who merely acknowledge the event. My problem is with those who seem to celebrate their continuing grief loudly and in public, and with media outlets who enable/encourage it. If ever there were a day appropriate for silent reflection, this is it.