CHART ATTACK!#2: 10/6/90

9.  Do Me! – Bell Biv DeVoe  Like Wilson Phillips, Bell Biv DeVoe really only had one successful album in their arsenal.  Still, there’s not a damn thing wrong with "Do Me!," except that it somehow made it okay for white kids to utter the phrase "smack it up, flip it, rub it down, oh nooooo!"  I still don’t exactly understand all of that phrase.  Flip it?  Can someone send me a diagram?

8.  Oh Girl – Paul Young  Quick, name three Paul Young songs you’ve heard on the radio.  Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Okay.  I personally think you only came up with two.  But if you got three, here’s what I think you’ve got: "Every Time You Go Away," "Oh Girl" and "What Becomes Of The Brokenhearted."  (If you’re a music geek, you may have also come up with "Love Of The Common People.")  Nothing wrong with that, except that every single one of Paul Young’s US hits have been covers.  "Every Time You Go Away" is by Hall & Oates.  "Oh Girl" is by the Chi-Lites.  "What Becomes" is a Jimmy Ruffin song.  "Love Of The Common People" is by Nicky Thomas. 

In the UK, he’s also released covers of "Wherever I Lay My Hat (That’s My Home)" (Marvin Gaye), "Love Will Tear Us Apart" (Joy Division), "I’m Gonna Tear Your Playhouse Down" (Ann Peebles), "Softly Whispering I Love You" (The Congregation), "Both Sides Now" (Joni Mitchell), and "Don’t Dream It’s Over" (Crowded House).  He named his son Levi after The Four Tops’ Levi Stubbs.  Even his offspring is a cover of sorts.  Anybody else wondering how this guy made it?

Paul Young, I award you no points for originality, and may God have mercy on your soul.  At least Robbie Dupree had his own lyrics.

Fun Paul Young Fact:  "What Becomes Of The Brokenhearted" (which we’ll never cover here, as it peaked at #22) was included on the 1991 soundtrack to Fried Green Tomatoes.  Prior to its release, Whitney Houston had been planning on covering it for her upcoming movie soundtrack to The Bodyguard.  Once hearing Young’s release, Houston decided to switch her cover to "I Will Always Love You."

Dolly Parton should be sending monthly thank-you notes to Paul Young.

7.  Ice Ice Baby – Vanilla Ice  The scary thing is that apparently he’s still trying to convince people that he didn’t rip off Queen’s bassline.

The less said about "Ice Ice Baby," the better.  However, as I mentioned above, you can get The Best Of Vanilla Ice, which includes such hits as "Cool As Ice" and "Ninja Rap" ("Go ninja, go ninja, go!"), for a sweet $3.99.  Go without your mochaccino for one morning.  That’s all you have to do.  Be sure to read the "Reviewer Comments."

6.  Blaze Of Glory – Jon Bon Jovi  Who wants to explain to me what distinguishes this solo song from a Bon Jovi group effort?  I mean, when Gwen Stefani did a solo album, it was somewhat different from No Doubt.  Darius Rucker’s solo album was a flop infused with a hip-hop feel, far from Hootie’s work.  Freddie Mercury’s shitty solo albums were nothing like Queen.  And so on.  If you’re going to do a solo project, at least try to do something you can’t do with your current band.  I’m not saying that "Blaze of Glory" isn’t a good song; I’m just saying that I don’t hear anything on the single that Tico Torres couldn’t have handled.

5.  I Don’t Have The Heart – James Ingram  James Ingram is the man.  You know more James Ingram hit songs than you think you do:  "Just Once," "Baby Come To Me" (with Patti Austin), "Yah Mo Be There" (with Michael McDonald) and "Somewhere Out There" (with Feivel Linda Ronstadt).  And yet, "I Don’t Have The Heart" was considered Ingram’s first real solo hit.  ("Just Once" was sung by Ingram but appeared on Quincy Jones’ abum The Dude.)  I just listened to all these songs, and I personally think ANY of them could have been sung by Michael McDonald.  I’m just saying.

My favorite part of this song is that guitar solo.  The backing vocals continue and Ingram sings/speaks, "I DON’T HAVE THE HEART!"  The man has conviction.

I’m trying to figure out why Nelson didn’t make it big after the early 1990s….hmmmm….

(Yeah, I know, cheap shot.)

2.  Praying For Time – George Michael  "Praying For Time" was the long-awaited first single from Listen Witout Prejudice: Volume 1.  This was before the public knew that George Michael didn’t intend on doing any real publicity to promote the album.  MTV heavily promoted the World Premiere of the video at least two weeks’ prior.  I eagerly sat in front of the TV that night.  And all I saw were a bunch of fucking words on a screen.  What kind of bullshit is this?  And speaking of, I call "bullshit" on anybody who calls this video "poignant," "fitting," or "brilliant." I call it "lame."  No, wait.  I call it "bullshit."

1. Close To You – Maxi Priest (download)  Beyond this song and his duet of "Set The Night To Music" with Roberta Flack, I don’t really know much about Maxi Priest.  He has great hair, though. 

"Close To You" is both funky and sexy, despite sounding like a Soul II Soul song.  And those lyrics are sexy, too:  "I just wanna be close to you/and do all the things you want me to."  Oh yeah!  "Something deep inside of me/wants to love you endlessly!"  Bring it, Maxi!  "A fatal attraction is where I’m at/there’s no escaping me."

uh…what?

Suddenly, I feel differently about "Close To You."  Now it’s one of those songs, like "Possession" and "Every Breath You Take," that sounds almost romantic at first but is really sung from a psycho’s point of view.  This is the only lyric in "Close To You’ that has this vibe, but I think it’s enough for me.  I offer it to you, in case you are stalking someone and want to let them know how you feel.  "Close To You" will do the trick, thank you, Mr. Priest.