Welcome to Part Two of Earmageddon!

If you’re just joining us, you might want to take a second to review Part One. Please, I implore you, review Part One. Take a few minutes to truly feel my pain.

Okay, ready to continue? Great. So as I mentioned in the last post, very few days have gone by where Jeff hasn’t mentioned Wing to me. He’s sent me links to her albums on eMusic and interrupted perfectly civil IM conversations with either “Wing!” or “Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!” He even changed his IM chat message to “Wing is for the children,” which meant that every single time I logged on, whether I was talking to him or not, I was reminded that all Jeff wanted out of life was for me to write a post on Wing.

Jeff has a very, very empty life.

Anyway, so last Sunday morning, I heard my computer chirping.

Jeff: Hey, if your phone rings around 7 o’clock tonight, do me a favor and answer it.
Jeff: Scratch that. 5 o’clock tonight.

Here’s the massively messed-up part: I already knew what he was up to. See, when I did my research on Wing, I saw the following special offer:

Buy any full price CD (US$15 each, as listed below) and pay just $3 more – a total of US $18, and Wing will sing live just for you over the telephone. (You can have Wing sing to a friend instead if you wish.) Bookings must be made in advance – see requirements below.)

My first thought was well, shit, I know what I’m getting Jeff for his birthday next May!

So the minute I saw Jeff’s IM, I knew exactly what was up. And this is why I both love and hate Jeff: he has no problem with dropping a total of, like, $30 just to annoy me.

But because I hate him more than I love him, I responded as such:

Jason: I don’t think I’m going to be around to pick up my phone at 5 PM tonight.
Jeff: Unacceptable.
Jason: Maybe you can ask Wing if she can call me at another time?
Jeff: !!!
Jeff: You fucker!

Finally, for a brief moment, I was the one doing the happy dance.

Jeff was upset that I had spoiled the “surprise,” but like me, he was somewhat amused/creeped out that we both had the same idea. Either way, I had about 7 hours before I’d be hearing from the one, the only … Wing. Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing.

4:45 PM. I hook up my cell phone to a recorder and some headphones, sit down and eagerly await the call from New Zealand’s national treasure. 5 o’clock rolls around, and my cell phone is silent. 5:15. A million questions roll through my mind.

What the hell is going on?

Maybe Jeff gave her the wrong number.

Maybe she got hit by a truck.

Gasp! Maybe she’s not calling me at all, and Jeff is just making me sit around, waiting for her!

I bet it probably would have been a recording anyway. No way is she just sitting in New Zealand, singing for people over the phone.

Screw this, I’m making dinner.

I disconnect my cell phone from the recorder and headphones, and go off to chop vegetables.

5:32: RING! WING! I rush back in, hook everything back up to the cell phone, and, well, listen in, won’t you?

Wing Calls Jason at Home (download)

I ask you: is that awesome or is that awesome? I received a real live phone call from Wing! And a kick-ass performance of “Dancing Queen”! Okay, maybe she was late on a few cues and forgot some of the words, but at this point, I am so far from being critical of her. Because once I talked to her on the phone, I found myself inexplicably charmed by this sweet woman. She may be in on the joke. She may not be in on the joke. Either way, she’s making some sort of a living and bringing smiles to people’s faces. No, I’m not going to listen to her for pleasure, but consider me a Wing fan.

Oh, and did you hear that SHE’S COMING TO NEW YORK?

Popdosers, this is your chance to become a part of Earmageddon. If you’re within two hours of New York City between October 19th and 22nd, we want you to join us for a night of Wing. Jeff’s going to come down from New Hampshire. All sorts of Popdose staffers will be there. (They may not know it yet, but trust me, they’ll be there.) Once the dates are finalized and appear on her website, we’ll pick an evening, go out for a big Popdose dinner, and then … prepare for Wingmageddon. Mark the dates down now, and we’ll get back to you as soon as we know more information.

Thanks for reading! And do you have a suggestion for the next edition of EARMAGEDDON? If so, keep it to yourself.

About the Author

Jason Hare

Jason Hare used to love Christmas. He feels differently now.

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