March 28, 2003, 3:10 PM

I’m here. These blog thingees are hip and now. Let’s see.

April 21, 2003, 1:49 PM

It’s scary when the highlight of your weekend is cleaning your two bathrooms. Dear Lord. How was your Easter?

April 23, 2003, 2:29 PM

So, this week is flying by pretty quickly. Thank God.

I have to start running in the mornings again. I know for sure I’m going to turn 35 next month, because for the first time in my life, I have a nice layer of cushioning around my midsection. It makes these very appealing rolls when I’m seated. Lovely.

And how is your day?

May 27, 2003, 7:37 PM

The new Suede CD has been out in the rest of the world since September. Since there seems to be no U.S. release date in sight, I finally broke down and downloaded it from a P2P service. “A New Morning” is different for them. Stephen Street produced it and you can definitely tell the shift in sound. It’s also their first album recorded “without hallucinegens” (what a great selling point), so gone are the bizarre strings and background soundscapes that made up a large portion of their mood.

The goofy wordplay that makes Suede so appealing remains. My favorite line comes from “Obessions” (a great song) — “It’s the way you don’t read Camus/Or Brett Easton Ellis…It’s the TCP you use/That stings when we kiss”. Goofy and sublime.

June 11, 2003, 2:26 PM

The Pretty Things Have Gone to Hell

Bowie, Bowie, Bowie. All things Bowie this week. Found the 2 DVD set at Circuit City for only $24.99, snatched it up and have been watching/listening to Bowie since Sunday. I knew he was influencial, but really had no first-hand knowledge into how much so.

Favorite parts: The Dick Cavett Show performance from 1974 is a definite highlight. This was during Bowie’s Thin White Powder period and he is coked up to the max. He sweats his way through this live performance of “Young Americans” while a young, but fat, Luther Vandross sings background and dances like a little queen. Beautiful.

“Boys Keep Swinging” – prime example of the Triology period with Bowie in drag as not one, not two, but three different fucked up ladies. Great dancing, too, and that’s not an ironic statement. Nice moves.

There are even some gems from the later period, such as the Earthling videos and the Pet Shop Boys duet version of “Hallo Spaceboy”. But sweet Christ, the “Hours” videos are still dead boring.

In other dumb stuff:

continues its downward slide to suckiness. More postings by street teamers, wannabes and Franz. Ugh. It used to be a nice place, with more than average discourse. We’ll see how it goes.

April 6, 2004, 12:40 PM

From E!online:

AS IF SHE NEEDED IT: Jennifer Lopez’s mother, Guadalupe Lopez, winning a $2.4 million jackpot while playing $1 slots at Atlantic City, People reports.

Fucking Christ.

April 7, 2004, 5:44 PM


TAMPA, Fla. — The owner of a jewelry kiosk at a mall in Tampa, who wears an Islamic head scarf, said she was physically and verbally assaulted by three people who told her to “get out of (America)” and said her religion is “hateful and violent.”

Yeah, they’re hateful and violent. KILL ‘EM!

April 7, 2004, 7:36 PM

Fucking Woof

I suppose I need to face it. I’m BearBait. BearBait am I. I have the latent mutant power to attract stocky, hairy white guys. I can’t say I really blame them for thinking I’m a “cub”. I mean, let’s go down the checklist:

* Shaved head? Check.

* Hairy chest? Check.

* Some form of facial hair (at least I don’t have the ubiquitous goatee)? Check.

* Propensity to end up in such bear hangouts as “The Hole”, “Mineshaft” and “Faultline”, usually dragged there against my will by bear-loving friends? Check.

Now luckily, I’ve been able to use my “muscle bear” (ick) status to some degree of success in finding men I’m attracted to, so I can’t really complain. In fact, to complain that any type of person in general finds you attractive is kind of disgusting and petty in the first place. I just wish there was a bit more originality involved in the whole scene. You can filter the entire “bear community” to one word:


“Woof.” Fucking woof. Yeesh. Grown men have said this to me. Perfect strangers in their thirties and forties have shambled up to me in bars, and leaning into my face so closely I could taste the beer off their tongues, have looked into my boobs and said “woof”.

Whatever happened to a simple “Hey”, or “Hello”? “Woof.” Again, yeesh. I have a message for all bears, cubs, beavers, otters and manatees — STOP SAYING “WOOF”. It makes you look juvenile, infantile and inarticulate. Which, granted, can be totally hot on some people. But in my case, the “woof” word sends a shiver down my spine, and not the good ones that end in erections. If anything, it’s a penis softener.

NO MORE FUCKING “WOOFS”. I mean it, bitches.

April 8, 2004, 5:34 PM

I watched “The Swan” last night. Was making these women look like drag queens the goal? If so, mission accomplished.

I feel dirty.

April 9, 2004, 1:43 PM



Sigh. Seriously, I can barely type. What the fuck? My blood pressure is really gonna love this.

So, Friendster. Let’s dish Friendster, shall we? Sure. In theory, not a bad idea. Network amongst your inner circle, see inside their inner circles, meet other people, etc. And of course, the infusion of homos has turned it into yet another online tricking service (seriously, don’t we have enough?

Have you ever gotten Friendster Add Requests from complete, total strangers who want nothing more from you than to use you to rack up their Friendster odometer? Bizarre.

We interrupt this meaningless ramble to bring you Breaking Easter Weekend News

ATLANTA – About 100 men and women gathered outside Atlanta’s Roman Catholic cathedral Thursday to protest the archbishop’s exclusion of women from the Holy Thursday foot-washing ritual.

We now return to our program, already in progress

Huh? What the–? Just read that news story again and remind yourself it’s 2004. Jesus Christ, pun intended.

So, Friendster. Good things: It’s put me in touch with quite a few people I’ve lost contact with over the years, most recently (today, even) Richard, aka SDavenport from my old posting days. Ahhhh, the mid-90s, when the web was new, Morrissey was over and we all took solace at that web refuge.

Morrissey. New single out May 4. New album out May 18. New material I’ve heard is actually pretty good. Can the old girl do it? With a song called “All the Lazy Dykes”, I had hope for the first time in a decade.

April 9, 2004, 5:27 PM

A nice breeze blows in/Whenever the big fella cracks a grin

Why have I been obsessed with Burning Sensations’ “Belly of the Whale” for four days now? It’s on “Living In Oblivion Vol. 4”. Yell at me later for putting it in your head.

April 12, 2004, 1:06 PM

God is gracious

A 15-year-old Romanian altar boy fell into a coma after a church bell fell on his head during an Easter service in his village in eastern Romania, police said today.

The boy, who was a regular worshipper at the Orthodox church in the village of Movila Verde, was standing in the wooden bell tower during the Easter service yesterday when the bronze bell broke loose and smashed onto his head, fracturing his skull and legs.

April 14, 2004, 1:00 PM

GodWatch 2004

He just keeps on killing. He must be stopped!


ROSE HILL, Va. — The minister of a church in far southwest Virginia has died after being bitten by a snake during church services.

Authorities say the Reverend Dwayne Long of Rose Hill was bitten by a rattlesnake Sunday afternoon and refused to seek medical treatment. He died early Monday at his home.

Lee County Sheriff Gary Parsons says Long was a minister at a Pentecostal church where members practice serpent-handling.

Parsons says Long was holding a rattlesnake during an Easter service when the snake bit him on the back of a finger. He says the congregation prayed for the minister, but no one — including Long — sought medical treatment.

The sheriff says he doubts any charges will be filed, because, in his words, “it’s their belief.”

These are the people who believe they know what’s right for you. Yay!

April 21, 2004, 5:51 PM

Annoying Chat/Profile Things – #34 in a series


While cute the first, second and 4,000th time it was done, this tired image needs to be put down. What the person is attempting to say is “Hey! Lookit me! I’m a rebel and I’ll never be no good. Fuck the man, lookit how punk I am! I have a baaaad attitude.” What the person is actually saying is “I am bereft of any ideas or original thought, so I must resort to the Hollywood Shorthand method of displaying my ‘badassness.'”

Stop it. Be yourself. Unless of course, you ARE actually bereft of any ideas or original thought, then by all means, fake it.

April 28, 2004, 6:46 PM

The return of the Thin White Duke / Throwing darts in lovers’ eyes…

Sorry I’ve been away for a week or so. Just getting over my latest Bowie high…went to see La Bowie in Anaheim last Friday at Arrowhead Pond, home of the Mighty Ducks. My first time there to see a show, and I have to say, the venue was pretty neat. A large floor seating area, an upper loge, topped off with an upper balcony. Via the magic of BowieNet, I was able to get two front row center balcony seats, which in terms of pure visibility and sound, were probably the best seats in the house. I had the pleasure of sharing my tickets with Emile, a Bowie virgin. This makes two Bowie virgins whose Bowie cherries I’ve popped in one year. I’m such a Bowie whore.

Polyphonic Spree opened the show with about an hour of freaky “Let the Sunshine In” Godspell-meets-Flaming Lips weirdness. A large group of about 25 or so musicians in long, flowing white robes crowded the stage – half made up a small choir, while the rest played drums, keyboards, french horns, even a harp. They sang hippy-dippy singalongs, including a cover of “Ride, Captain, Ride”, and each song stretched to around seven minutes in length, so what at the beginning was amusing, soon became torture (evidenced by the shouts of “YOU SUUUUUCK!” at each silent point of the set). GOOD: The show started precisely on time at 7:30. BAD: It lasted over an hour.

After a short break (just in time for me to grab a couple of $7.50 beers and take a quick squirt), Bowie came out just like two months ago, opening with the quiet version of “Rebel, Rebel”. He then proceeded to do nearly the same setlist I saw two months prior at the Shrine. The only surprises came in the form of a revamped version of “The Supermen” and an inspired reading of “Quicksand” which brought a little lump in my “Hunky Dory” loving throat.

All the funny, spontaneous, off the cuff remarks from two months ago also returned in exactly the same places they were back then, which made them seem slightly less off the cuff and spontaneous. But hey, this is a guy who also choreographs shows to the most minute detail, so whaddaya expect. Once again, we got “My little china girl / she says / just SHUT THE FUCK UP”, which, once again got a big laugh. Give ’em what they want.

I’m a little sad that I’ve discovered Bowie after he retired so many of the “hits” he’s sick of playing live. It would be great to hear “Young Americans” or especially “Boys Keep Swinging” or “Station to Station”, but I guess those days are long gone, and he’s intent on sticking to his goal of not being a jukebox of old songs. GOOD: A medley of “Sunday” and “Heathen (The Rays)” that was smoothly done and genuinely moving. BAD: A subpar duet of “Under Pressure” with bassist Gail Ann Dorsey, who sounded MUCH better at the Shrine. She must have had an off night.

Bottom line: He’s still got it, and for $20 less than a Morrissey ticket. Take that, you whiny bitch tosser!

May 6, 2004, 2:25 PM

“You’re all just parasiiiiites / Robbing me of luvvvvvvvvv…”

Got both my Time/Life SCTV DVDs and the Kids in the Hall Season One boxed set on the same day this week and I think if I geek out any harder I just may piss my Yoda Underoos.

The SCTV discs are probably my Holy Grail of TV on DVD releases, with the possible exception of a “Fridays” release (which doesn’t seem likely anytime soon), so I was pretty thrilled when those finally arrived (Hell, I even skipped chest and tris day). The transfer is kind of shitty, which only added to the thrill – it was like watching bootlegged old VHS dubs. Niiice. I like that feel, although I know it’s wholly unintentional. I’ve only gotten through one full episode so far (Lola Heatherton’s “Bouncin’ Back to You” special – my all-time favorite) and it’s incredible, just as funny in full 90-minute form as I remembered.

I also watched the “SCTV Remembers” documentary, with new interviews with everyone but Rick Moranis and Martin Short. Maybe next time. Some good stories here, but Joe Flaherty comes off as one of those guys you went to high school with who never really moved on and wishes all the gang would hang out together everyday “just like the old days”. Catherine O’Hara comes off as surprisingly bitchy in reference to the men dominating the writing and a little greedy when it comes to the money they made (or didn’t make as females). Justified, I’m sure, but a little tacky to bring up in a tribute documentary.

I’ll talk about the Kids in the Hall on my next posting. Now, it’s time to head out and watch the “Friends” finale. If it doesn’t end with Ross marrying Marcel the Monkey, I’m gonna be pissed.

May 12, 2004, 2:22 PM

Say it, don’t spray it

Now that Blogger has finally rolled out its redesign, you can now post comments to any of my ramblings. Feel free to do so – tear me a new one if you’re so inclined.

I Have Forgiven Jesus

Grabbed a promo copy of the new Morrissey CD “You Are the Quarry”, and I have to say, Mozzer should take eight years between albums from now on. It’s really quite good. It seems Moz sat down and spent some actual time on the lyrics, evidenced especially in “All the Lazy Dykes” and “I Have Forgiven Jesus”. ATLD is funny when you consider he’s urging a woman to come out, hang out with the lesbians and “begin her life”…uhhh, pot, kettle, etc.

Good stuff, though. Buy it Tuesday.

May 23, 2004, 8:30 PM

Graphic Designer Porn

A couple hours of VH1 Mega Hits this weekend has led to me to a new subgenre: Graphic Designer Porn. Heavy on inventive use of typography and bold, new-yet-retro design, these videos give the designer geek in me a big chubby. Liz Phair’s video for “Why Can’t I?” makes the most boring song on her otherwise fun album a visual treat, presenting a primer on neat typography spread out over a series of mock-uped classic album covers. Niiiice.

Black Eyed Peas’ “Hey Mama” vid is just fucking killer, with judicious use of ’70s blaxploitation design and color, alongside some impressive choreography. The song is annoying, but it’s oh, so nice to watch.

Graphic Designer PR0N. Love it.

May 24, 2004, 1:03 PM

Signs You’ve Been Working in Advertising Creative Too Long

When you’re at your local Gay Pride Parade and you’re more offended by the shitty line breaks and bad color choices on the “God Hates Fags” signs than you are by the content.

Although shouting “GOD HATES SHITTY GRAPHIC DESIGN!” during quiet lulls gets a few chuckles from the crowd. Not that I’d know or nuthin’…

May 24, 2004, 7:02 PM

This one is for DM

A Moz b-side that should have been on the new album. Beautiful stuff.


Reflecting from my deathbed

I’m balancing life’s riches

against the ditches

and the flat gray years in-between

all I can see are the never laid

that’s the never played symphonies

I can’t see those who tried to love me

or those who felt they understood me

and I can’t see those who very patiently put up with me

all I can see are the never laid

of the never played symphonies

you one you meant to be one

and you jumped into my face

and laughed and kissed me on the cheek

and then were gone forever

not quite

black sky in the daytime

and I don’t much mind dying

when there is nothing left to care for anymore

just the never laid

the never played symphonies

you one you knew you were one

and you slipped right through my fingers

no not literally

but metaphorically

and now you’re all I see

as the light fades

About the Author

John C. Hughes

John C. Hughes began his Lost in the ’80s blog in 2005 and is now proud to be a member of the Popdose family, where he’s introduced LIT80s’s companions, the obviously named Lost in the ’70s and Lost in the ’90s, alongside the slightly more originally named Why You Should Like…

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