Earlier this month New York attorney general Andrew Cuomo reported that he had sent his staff to 1,000 pharmacies across the state in March, April, and May and found more than 250 that were selling expired milk, eggs, baby formula, and over-the-counter medication. The two biggest culprits were the CVS and Rite Aid chains. So what else have these drugstores not been telling consumers?

1. CVS-brand sparkling water gets its sparkle from Darfurian children’s tears. (White Lion, “When the Children Cry” [download])

2. That lawn chair you bought in the “seasonal” aisle? Someone had sex on it. (The Band, “Rockin’ Chair” [download])

3. Whenever you bought an impulse item at the front counter in 2000 and 2004, your name was added to a GOP database of potential swing voters most likely to vote for George W. Bush. (Everything But the Girl, “Politics Aside” [download])

4. Expired baby formula mixed with expired teeth whitener will totally get you high. (Glen Phillips, “I Want a New Drug” [download])

5. The security camera adds 25 pounds. (Joe Henry, “Fat” [download])

6. When Sassy changed owners in 1994 and lost its edge, the magazine rack sank into a deep depression from which it never fully recovered. (Roger Hodgson, “My Magazine” [download])

7. The V in CVS stands for “vagina.” But you knew that already. (Ted Nugent, “Wang Dang Sweet Poontang (live)” [download])

8. God is a white lie perpetuated through the ages to keep people distracted from the fact that life is long, cruel, and holds no meaning. Also, Mitchum deodorant contains actual chunks of Robert Mitchum. (Daryl Hall & John Oates, “I’m in Pieces” [download])

9. Just for Men is just for pussies. (Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble, “Willie the Wimp (live)” [download])

10. The shoplifting sensors haven’t worked in years. You could’ve walked out the door with pretty much anything. (Trip Shakespeare, “Thief” [download])

About the Author

Robert Cass

Robert Cass lives in Chicago. For Popdose he's written under the Sugar Water, Bootleg City, and Box Office Flashback banners and collaborated on the series 'Face Time with Jeff Giles and Mike Heyliger.

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