Mix Six: “Annoying (But Popular)”

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Every now and then there are songs that come down the pike that people just love, love, love. But you know what? The songs are actually kind of stupid and annoying. For every power house song by a group like say U2 on the charts, there’s a “Karma Chameleon” right up there, too. Why these songs are so popular is one of those mysteries that I don’t think we’ll ever solve.

Don’t get me wrong, just because I mentioned U2 or a Culture Club song doesn’t mean I’m going to focus on the ’80s — I’ll leave that to Dave Steed and John Hughes.Á‚  Rather, I thought I would feature popular, but ultimately annoying songs that aren’t that old.

First up?

“Wind It Up,” Gwen Stefani (download)

Oh for Christ’s sake, this is just embarrassingly bad. Wait! Is there such a thing as “embarrassingly good?” Probably not. You know, it’s not just the yodeling, but the whole production. First off, did Gwen lose her way and give in to producers telling her that she needed another “Hollaback Girl?” And secondly…oh, just forget it. I don’t have the energy for this.

“London Bridge,”Fergie (download)

Is all the swearing in this tune used to cover up the fact that you’re listening to 100% pure grade crap? Why couldn’t she write a ballad about pissing her pants?Á‚  That would have been much more interestingÁ‚  — and create many more opportunities for learning and growing.

“Womanizer,”Britney Spears (download)

Hey, it’s Britney, bitch! Hey, wrong song!Á‚  Hey, how many other words can you come up with that sound like “womanizer?”Á‚  I’ll start:Á‚  pulverizer, appetizer, immunizer, all-nite diner …Á‚  You can take it from there.

“Crank That (Soulja Boy),” Soulja Boy (download)

I knew this song had a shelf life of two minutes when I saw instructions on how to do the Soulja Boy in a local suburban paper.Á‚  Not only is the song annoying, but if you need further proof of the decline of American civilization, just think of bunch o’ suburban moms and dads doing this dance at a high school football game.

“I Kissed a Girl,” Katy Perry (download)

Katy, enjoy your time in the spotlight as a bisexual wannabe. When you’re 48 and playing places like Konocti Harbor, you’ll know what Hell means when you’re forced to perform this song over and over as patrons hold up signs that read “Katy Perry = Bi-Boring.”

“Guitar,”Prince (download)

Is this what happens when you join the same religious group as Michael Jackson? Honestly I can’t figure out why Prince thought this was worth releasing. Don’t get me wrong, I love Prince’s music, it’s just that he’s singing about loving a guitar more than a woman. Does he put a wig and some lipstick on the guitar? Does the guitar have a name? Does he take his guitar to dinner first? Does he respect the guitar in the morning?