Howdy to all the ‘Merican people!

George W. Bush here.Á‚  Well, I’m almost outta here, and I’m not one for mushy speechifying, so I’ve had Laur’ whip up one of these iMixes to show y’all how I feel about some of those who have worked with me for the past eight years. One of the twins used some kind of computer program called Photostore or somethin’ to put together a logo for this mix.Á‚  And those boys over at Popdose — you know Ted Asrreee … Azara … As The World Turns (Ha ha) and Dee Dubya Dunphy — had something to do with this.Á‚  So, here’s the logo:

And here’s my mix.


“Master and Servant,” Depeche Mode

Hey there Rummy!Á‚  Hope yer enjoyin’ all that “free time” now that, you know, yer not workin’ for The Man!Á‚  Ha ha.Á‚  Yeah I know, I’m “The Man,” and “The Decider,” and “The Cheerleader,” but boy, for an old fart you sure were into that whole torture thing — I mean, really into it.Á‚ Á‚  I guess I should’ve called you The Punisher.Á‚ Á‚  I’m not sure if yer some kind of perv, but, you know, after more than a few Boilermakers, we’ve all done stuff we ain’t proud of.Á‚ Á‚  Remember that story I told you over and over about waking up in the gutter after pretty spectacular bender with that dog doin’ the one-leg salute on my face?Á‚  Geez, what a crummy way to say I had a golden shower.Á‚  Anyway, K.I.T., have a great summer, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.

“Pop Goes the World,” Men Without Hats

To Obi-Wan Greenspan, whose belief in unregulated markets left me with a great parting gift: a melted bag of dog crap.Á‚  Thanks for screwing the pooch on my watch and then watching old Ben Ben Bernanke clean up the mess from the sidelines.Á‚  You know, there are so many ways I wanna tell you that you suck, but this dang computer thesaurus only gives me the following choices:Á‚  sup, siphon, slurp, draw, drink.Á‚  I can’t very well say “You sup,” can I.Á‚  And “You siphon” doesn’t work.Á‚  Forget “You slurp,” or “You draw,” and “You drink.”Á‚  Man, these computers are supposed to be smart…

“Exhuming McCarthy,” R.E.M.

Karl “Turd Blossom” Rove, you son of a bitch!Á‚  I mean that, sincerely.Á‚  You’re one mean junkyard dog when you have to be, and I just wanna thank you for eight years of jingoism (see, I learned that word when Laura was showing me how to find the right… word for the right… meaning.)Á‚  I’m going to miss your egghead talk about stupid shit like: “Watch: we’re gonna flip five points in this state by hacking the voting machines with cool little rogue code.”Á‚  Ha ha ha, it gets me every time — even though I have no idea what the hell you’re talkin ’bout.

“Father Figure,” George Michael

Dick, you are the near-beer in my frosty mug, the “you” in nuc-u-lar, the wind beneath my wings. My life is going to be much, much more difficult without you keeping me straight, narrow and always right. I won’t miss the midnight calls from Addington wondering whether you’re here and whether you’re “mad at him or somethin’…”

“If Loving You Is Wrong (I Don’t Wanna Be Right),” Luther Ingram

Condi, we will always be together, don’t you worry ’bout a thing. Laur’ understands and she’s cool with it. Really, she is. Once we’re out of D.C. the three of us are gonna have to take it to the limit one more time, if you know what I mean. You’ll always be the Tootsie Roll center of my Tootsie Pop.

“You’re A Friend Of Mine,” Jackson Browne & Clarence Clemons

Alberto, you ol’ son of a bitch, things went down pretty hard – like a two dollar whore, hee, hee, I’m kiddin’ – but it’s all gonna be great from here on out. You’ll see. Trust me on this. Didn’t I always get you work whenever a spot opened up? I’m your pal, amigo, and you’re always welcome down at the ranch. Any day, any time. Just remember to bring lots of I.D. Without the uniform, you look a little… uh… ethnic.

About the Author

Ted Asregadoo

Writer & Editor

Ted Asregadoo has a last name that's proven to be difficult to pronounce for almost everyone on the Popdose staff, some telemarketers, and even his close friends. He lives in Walnut Creek, CA., and is also the host of the Planet LP podcast.

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