Okay, so, originally this was going to be another GREAT CEREAL GROSS-OFF! between Malt-O-Meal’s new Blueberry Muffin Tops (“The Taste That’s Tops!”) and Kellogg’s new Limited Edition Star Wars Episode III cereal.
I bought them both. I started with Blueberry Muffin Tops, thinking there was no way I’d be able to choke down an entire bowl:
The thing is, as I quickly discovered, they are delicious. I knew I was in for it as soon as I opened the box and was greeted with a powerful waft of blueberry muffin scent. It smelled like my Aunt Ida was in there, baking up a batch of her county-fair-prize-winning muffins. Actually, I don’t have an Aunt Ida, but if I did, I’m sure this is what her muffins would have smelled like.
Heh. I said “her muffins.”
Anyway, I digress. The point is that I quickly wolfed down the entire box of Blueberry Muffin Tops (“The Taste That’s Tops!”) without taking a picture of the cereal itself. So sue me. You think it’s so easy being Mr. Junk Food Critic all the time, you go do it yourself. I’ll just say that Blueberry Muffin Tops are similar to Cinnamon Toast Crunch in shape, texture, and overwhelming sweetness. In fact, yeah, it’s basically Blueberry Toast Crunch.
I resolved not to make the same mistake with Kellogg’s Limited Edition Star Wars Episode III cereal. Movie tie-in cereals are, as a rule, pretty awful, but the Star Wars ones haven’t been too bad. I have no memory of their actual taste, but I know I had more than my share of C-3PO’s when I was a kid:and the Episode II cereal was as delicious as anyone could expect a $2.50 Lucky Charms rip-off to be. So I was expecting great things from the final Star Wars movie tie-in breakfast.
I got the Darth Vader box, of course. It looks like he’s poured himself a bowl, only to remember at the last minute that his badass helmet doesn’t have a spoon hole, sending him into a bowl-tossing fit of rage:
The first order of business was to verify Kellogg’s claim that this is an oat-based part of your balanced breakfast:
And indeed it is!
I love it when “marshmallow bits” are listed in the ingredients. Sodium hexametaphosphate, on the other hand, well:I don’t want to think about whatever the hell that is. Time to pour myself a bowl!
The Episode II cereal, if I recall correctly, could have been described as lightly sweetened Kix with marshmallows. Episode III, as you can see, is lightly sweetened Cheerios with marshmallows. And speaking of marshmallows, these ones are pretty lame. Now, I know it can’t be easy to make a tiny, crunchy marshmallow that actually resembles much of anything at all, let alone a Star Wars character, but how hard would it have been for Lucas to loan Kellogg’s a few of the supernerds from Industrial Light & Magic? I mean, “Magic” is right there in the company name. Those guys can do anything. They clearly could have made marshmallows that looked better than these:
From left to right: lightsaber, R2-D2, Yoda, C-3PO, Darth Vader, and lightsaber. (When first examining the “Darth Vader” marshmallow, I had no idea what it was supposed to be. I thought maybe it was a big purple alien heart, or a fat bounty hunter. So it’s upside down in the picture.)
Kellogg’s definitely was not using The Force when they made these marshmallows. They also skimped on them. I, like most children, would ideally like a 50/50 marshmallow-to-cereal ratio, but I’m willing to accept 40/60. Maybe I got a bum box, but this bowl was maybe 30% marshmallows, tops. Extremely disappointing. I think maybe Kellogg’s realized this, because they’ve crammed the outside of the box full of exclusive Limited Edition Star Wars Episode III puzzles and goodies:
The movie is about young Jedi Knightâ„¢ Anakin Skywalkerâ„¢ turning to the Dark Side!
And kids, don’t forget to complete the Lightsaberâ„¢ Labyrinth!
Final verdict on Kellogg’s Limited Edition Star Wars Episode III cereal: It isn’t bad. It’s pretty good, in fact. But not as good as Blueberry Muffin Tops.
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