Yes. Fucking Pepperoni Pizzazaroli:

You would think “Pepperoni Pizza Ravioli” would be good enough, or even “Pepperoni Pizzaroli,” but no. They had to add another Z in there, to make it a little more “extreme” or something. Say it with me: pizzazaroli. Up in heaven, the angels are keeping a list of the most retarded food names, and I’m pretty sure “pizzazaroli” is at or near the top.

Anyway, after yesterday’s twistaroni debacle, I scaled The Boy’s portion way back:

This stuff looks okay enough on the surface, I guess. Kind of like the old-fashioned Boyardee ravioli from my youth, but with a pepperoni odor. A not altogether pleasing pepperoni odor, I hasten to add, but The Boy didn’t seem to notice. “WHEN WILL IT BE DONE?” he asked. “I WONDER IF I’LL LIKE IT. DO YOU THINK I’LL LIKE IT? I’M GOING TO TRY SOME.”

And he did. In fact, not only did he eat the pizzazaroli I put in his bowl, but he asked for, and ate, seconds!

This is why six-year-olds are fascinating to me. Personally, I found it hard to finish my bowl. I’d be hard-pressed to tell you exactly why, because Pepperoni Pizzazaroli tastes pretty much the way it’s named; it’s like they took whole slices of pepperoni pizza, pureed them, and stuffed them into pasta shells. You’d think eating something like that would be sort of cool, but no — it’s actually fairly awful. There’s a really foul undercurrent to the taste that I couldn’t quite identify while I was eating. While I was eating, I couldn’t figure it out, but after I’d been finished for a few minutes, I realized what it was: the aftertaste. Yeah, you read that right — the aftertaste on this stuff is so bad that it sneaks back around and hits you even before you’re done.

I’m actually shaking a little just thinking about it.

And here’s another thing. I’m not the kind of guy who normally tends to get heartburn, except for maybe after a heavy night of drinking, and even then it doesn’t show up until the next morning. But no sooner had I rinsed off my bowl than I could feel that fat fucking Chef tearing his way through my innards. Ooof.

Pepperoni Pizzazaroni
jefito: “(nauseated burp)”
overall score: .5 out of 5

About the Author

Jeff Giles

Jeff Giles is the founder and editor-in-chief of Popdose and Dadnabbit, as well as an entertainment writer whose work can be seen at Rotten Tomatoes and a number of other sites. Hey, why not follow him at Twitter while you're at it?

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