"When you come ’round I never get down, I fly across the floor / I can see you coming on me, and I can’t ask for more"

Is Billy Squier gay?

I ask not because it matters in any way, (I mean, really, it is 2007), but because I swear I read/saw an interview with him about five or six years ago where he quietly came out, and now I’m unable to find any evidence of such. So I just want to make sure I’m not going completely senile just yet.

I mean if he isn’t, that’s okay. I won’t reject him or love him any less. After all, this is the guy who gave us “The Stroke”, perhaps the beefiest song about whackin’ it ever. And “The Big Beat”, whose, um, big beat has been sampled too many times to count, most notably in Jay Z’s “99 Problems”. But let’s review the evidence:

Á¢€¢ “The Stroke” (duh) – includes lines such as:
Stroke me, stroke me
could be a winner boy, you move mighty well

and

Put your left foot out, keep it all in place
work your way right into my face
First you try to bet me, you make my backbone slide
When you find you’ve bled me (oh dear!) slip on by

Á¢€¢ “In The Dark” – includes such couplets as:

Life isn’t easy from the singular side
Down in the hole some emotions are hard to hide

and

Can you break away from your alibis
Can you make a play, will you meet me
In the dark

Á¢€¢ “My Kinda Lover” – which, besides being totally friggin’ awesome, no irony whatseover in that statement – contains these little tidbits:

YOU PUT THE MAGIC IN ME
I feel the magic when we do what we do

and some very damning evidence in the bridge:

When you come ’round I never get down, I fly across the floor
I can see you COMING ON ME, and I can’t ask for more
Rock me, sock me, baby you got me RIDING TO THE END
Rake me, shake me, baby you make me, turn me on again

…I need a cigarette after typing that.

Á¢€¢ Commissioned Andy Warhol to paint his portrait for the cover of his third album, Emotions In Motion – check.

Á¢€¢ The video for “Rock Me Tonight” – the “Flashdance” wardrobe, the mincing, Ed Grimley-esque choreography, the…well, just watch the damn thing:

Particularly this moment:

…that’s the sight of a man ripping his career in two. And, to quote a very witty YouTube commenter, Billy rips off his gayish shirt only to replace it with an ever gayisher one (yes, it’s pink!). Oh, Billy.

In all seriousness, I love these songs – sure, they’re ear candy, but every once in awhile we all get a craving for something sweet and bad for our health. And do I really care if Billy is gay? Sure! Why? Anyone who can whip up tasty hooks like these I want to be able to point at with pride and say, “Hey! He’s ours.” Let me put it this way – I’d rather have Billy on my softball team than Elton.

“In The Dark” peaked at #35 on the Billboard Pop Singles Chart and at #7 on the Mainstream Rock Chart in 1981.
“My Kinda Lover” peaked at #45 on the Billboard Pop Singles Chart and at #31 on the Mainstream Rock Chart that same year.

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