Well, howdy again, folks, and welcome back to another not-so-exciting wusspedition!  (I just made that word up!)  Today’s another one of my favorites from the early ’80s!

You know darn well when you cast your spell

A few months ago, I was having dinner with a bunch of relatives.  My aunt was telling me that she enjoys reading my website, but every once in a while, covers her eyes and says to herself "that can’t be my Jason writing that."  She’s talking about those moments where I’m all fuck this, fuck that, fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck.  So what I’m wondering is: who in America has an aunt that made them feel guilty?  Because that’s what I want to believe.  I want to believe that the first version of this song went something like "you know muthafuckin’ well when you cast your spell, beeyotch," but they changed it due to external circumstances.  Because what I’m really afraid of is that the conversation went more like this, in yet another segment of Mellow Gold Theatre:

1982.  Capitol Studios, Hollywood, California.  In the room:  Gerry Buckley, Dewey Bunnell, and some other guys in the band that nobody gives a shit about.  The band is in the middle of a heated discussion about how to make America relevant again.

Beckley:  You guys, it’s 1982!  Times are changing!  We haven’t had a single since our lame cover of "California Dreamin’" three years ago!  If we want to keep up with the times, we need to be different!  Edgy!  Daring!

Bunnell:  Well, Gerry, what do you suggest, exactly?

Beckley:  I suggest we say a naughty word.

Stunned silence from all parties.

Beckley:  I’m serious.  What if we say…."darn?"

Bunnell, with tears in his eyes, storms out of the room.

Twenty minutes go by.  The rest of the band sits there.  The audacious suggestion hangs in the air.

Finally, Bunnell re-enters the studio.

Bunnell:  I say we do it.

Beckley:  Dewey!  But…are you sure?

Bunnell:  Darn sure, Gerry.

Other d-bags in band:  Yaaaayyyy!

The duo hug and kiss on the lips.  All is well in America.

I do think he could have done a little bit better with the lyrics, though.  I don’t know why, but I almost always tune out the words whenever I hear this song.  Seriously, I hear the words "doubt," "darn," "well," "spell," "hypnotize," "eyes," and that’s it.  In fact that last line of the chorus always eluded me:  "A heart of stone can turn to…" what?  Gay?  Taint?  I swear I have never been able to make out this word.  Turns out it’s "clay."  Looking at the lyrics, I realize Ballard had to rhyme with the word "way," but seriously, the heart turns to clay?  CLAY?  Whose heart turns to clay, Russ?  Really?  Why not just break the rhyme?  How about "dust?"  Or "dirt?"  Or "shit?"  (Sing that last one to yourself.)

Regardless of the lyrics, "You Can Do Magic" gave the band the comeback they so desperately needed:  in October of ‘82, the song reached #8 on the charts, making it their first Top 10 since "Sister Golden Hair."  And although the accompanying album View From The Ground didn’t crack the Top 40 (#41…d’oh!), the band still had a certified hit on their hands.  They even filmed a video - and you know it’s gonna be good when, in retrospect, Bunnell says "we missed the boat on videos."

Look at this!  Four fucking freaking guitarists in the video, and not one person on a piano.  I don’t know what I love more: the adorable collection of pastel shirts, the drummer who clearly lost a drumstick up his butt somewhere, Beckley’s glasses that, once again, threaten to swallow his face whole, Bunnell’s stripey shirt and the way he bounces up and down, and…wait a minute, that totally looks like me!  Except for the facial hair, which I can’t grow!  I love the early-’80s production values as well: the random cuts to "magic hands," the fact that they’re playing on some sort of cloud, and the lead guitarist is ripping that riff so damn hard that smoke is appearing by his feet…let’s face it, it’s perfect.  And by perfect, I mean horrible.

I kid, though.  I love "You Can Do Magic."  Against all odds, it does somehow rock a little, and you really can’t go wrong with those terrific America harmonies.  So forget about the fact that Buckley and Bunnell were clearly just Ballard’s puppets: the song gave them another well-deserved shot at success.  And isn’t Mellow Gold better when it has a happy ending?  (Of course not, but I have to end this entry somehow.)

Karla Bonoff - Personally (download)

As you know, it’s not often that we cover the Ladies of Mellow Gold.  I think that maybe the reason for this is that it’s just easier for me to make fun of the guys, but don’t be fooled into thinking that their contributions to the Mellow Category are any less valid than the ones by the dudes (who aren’t really men, anyway):  "Personally" is a fantastic mellow record, one that could only be improved upon if it featured a cameo by our above-pictured hero.  But we won’t hold that against her.  Shall I regale you with a bit of Karla Bonoff history?  (Shut up, I’m doing it anyway.)

Karla Bonoff, spending the day at Neverland Ranch

Karla Bonoff was born in Southern California and, from a very early age, showed a clear talent for singing and songwriting.  By 16, she had recorded a demo for Elektra Records.  She spent many evenings at The Troubadour in L.A. and eventually fell in with three like-minded individuals:  Kenny Edwards, Wendy Waldman, and (drum roll please) Andrew Gold.  The four of them formed a band named Bryndle and although they recorded an album for A&M in 1970, it was never released.  (A pox on your house, Herb Alpert!)

Bryndle disbanded, and Gold and Edwards joined the backing band for Linda Ronstadt (earlier, Edwards had been a member of Ronstadt’s first band, The Stone Poneys).  When Ronstadt went looking for new material to record, the men passed her a Bonoff demo.  Ronstadt wound up recording a number of Bonoff tunes - three on her 1976 album Hasten Down The Wind alone.  Bonoff embarked on a solo career, and had moderate success (a few Top 100 singles, anyway) from her first two albums.  It was her 1982 album, Wild Heart Of The Young, that featured her biggest hit, "Personally," which peaked at #19.

Damn you, Sanborn!  You’re on everything!  Ahh, that chorus is fantastic - it’s one of those earworms that never seems to get too annoying.  In fact, the chorus is so perfect that Kelly kind of got lazy on the second verse.  See, the first verse appropriately leads up to the chorus, explaining how our protagonist (I try to use this word as often as I can, it makes me feel smart) has been writing all these letters, but now has to do something more.  Okay, that makes sense.  However, verse two:  "There’s nothing like the feeling I get/Oh when you touch me baby/There’s nothing like the feeling you get/When I’m there with you, oh love."  While I get the point he’s making, he couldn’t come up with something better than those first two lines?  I’m convinced he just took those from another mellow gold tune, somewhere.

Of course, here’s the real mystery of the song: we never actually find out what, exactly, Bonoff is bringin’ to him personally.  Yes, we know she can’t send it in, can’t phone it in, can’t use semaphore, can’t send it via carrier pigeon, can’t strap it to a small barrel that’s subsequently attached to the neck of a Saint Bernard, etc.  But we don’t know what "it" is.  My guess is that it’s similar to the "that" that Meatloaf won’t do (although he’s made it clear he’ll do anything else for love), but I don’t know for sure.  So (ahem):

This week, we’re only going to cover one song.  Why?  Because the story’s so good, it deserves its own post.

Benny Mardones - Into The Night (download)

You could call Benny Mardones a one-hit wonder.  But technically, you could also call Benny Mardones a two-hit wonder.  And he has a pretty interesting background, too, but we’ll get to that in a minute.  First, let’s talk about the song itself.

It’s like having a dream
Where nobody has a heart
It’s like having it all
And watching it fall apart
And I would wait till the end of time for you
And do it again, it’s true
I can’t measure my love
There’s nothing to compare it to

I think that’s quite pretty.  Of course, there’s just one problem: the opening line.

She’s just sixteen years old
leave her alone, they say

(shakes head)
(bangs head on desk)
(goes to call the cops)
(thinks better of it, hangs up)

Great.  This romantic song has been ruined for me because he’s singing it to a sixteen year-old.  Listen, I’m not saying that Benny Mardones likes little girls.  I’m saying this song is not helping any if he’s trying to prove that he doesn’t.

Apparently, though, nobody gives a shit, and nobody gave a shit back then - because, again, the song reached #11 in 1980.  And that’s not all.

In 1989, a station in Phoenix drummed up some interest in the song during a "Where Are They Now?" segment.  Somehow, word got to Scott Shannon, Program Director at Pirate Radio in Los Angeles.  Scott’s been running some of the biggest stations in the biggest markets for the past zillion years.  Anyway, in 1989, he added "Into The Night" back onto the station’s playlist, and soon enough, stations around the country were spinning a nine year-old song.  Nine years later, "Into The Night" was back on the charts, and peaked at #20.

Benny Mardones may have been a drug addict by then, but he was no fool.  If you were a one-hit two-hit one hit wonder, what would you do?

You’d get your ass back into the studio and try to capitalize on the success, that’s what you’d do.

And so Benny went back into the studio, now signed with Curb Records (’cause the folks at Curb Records weren’t fools either), and re-recorded "Into The Night."  The re-release appeared on his self-titled 1989 album ("known as ‘The Blue Album’ to his fans," his website says!).

I thought about offering "Into The Night ‘89" up here for download.  But there really wasn’t any point.  For starters, you don’t need two versions of "Into The Night."  In fact, you might wind up hating me for it.  And there’s really not much of a difference between the two versions.  His voice has a little more wear and tear.  The instrumentation is a little different - there’s suddenly an acoustic guitar and the bass has a terrible effect on it.  We didn’t really need an "Into The Night ‘89," but by golly, we got it.

UPDATE 10 AM:  So I go to my mailbox this morning and what’s waiting for me?  A pristine, still-in-shrinkwrap copy of Benny Mardones’ self-titled 1989 release on Curb Records.  Thank you to you-know-who for sending me this…(struggles to think of the right word)…CD.  (Note 8/15/07: since this post, you-know-who has sent me just about every Mardones CD available.  They’re sitting here at work.  I see them every day.  Yet I can’t bring myself to play any of them.  It’s like listening to one of Meat Loaf’s albums that’s not Bat Out Of Hell.)

So since I have it right here anyway, go ahead, torture yourself.  If you dare.

Benny Mardones - Into The Night ‘89 (download)

Things went downhill yet again after that for Benny Mardones, but not before he re-recorded the song another two frickin’ times: there’s "Into The Night (acoustic)" and "Into The Night (2002 Version)."  The former features some lame ad-libs, and the latter has a voice that can no longer belt the other high notes.  It brings absolutely nothing to the table.  In fact, it takes things away from the table.  Nobody bought it.

Except, that is, for the constituents of the fine city of Syracuse, NY.

Yes, you read that right.

So what’s Benny been up to lately?  Well, recentlly - just today, actually - he won two awards!  Yes, he won the JasonHare.com Award For Worst Album Title AND Worst Album Cover:

Well, he just beat out this guy for my Favorite Awful Title With The Word "Love" In The Cover.  I’m not even going to dignify the bandana with a comment.  Maybe my wife said it best when she asked, "Is that a woman?"

I know you’re either thinking this story can’t get any better or when will he fucking shut up about Benny Mardones?  Either way, here’s the ending.  I’ve saved the best for last.

Benny has a new documentary, entitled (are you ready for this?) Into The Night:  The Benny Mardones Story.  And according to the cast page, it features such "characters" as Benny himself!  Benny’s Mom!  Roy Orbison!  Wayne Newton!  Richie Havens!  And this guy!

I am not making this up.  I didn’t even put that text on the picture.  I swear.

What, you thought a measly little vacation was going to stop me from providing you with the mellowest music on the face of the planet?  Au contraire!

Player - Baby Come Back (download)

When I told my wife I was covering "Baby Come Back" today, her first question (after "why are you telling me this?") was, "didn’t you cover this one before?" That’s exactly what I thought - and exactly what you’re probably thinking as well. But no. I know it’s unbelievable, but the truth is that we have not covered "Baby Come Back." Why we haven’t covered "Baby Come Back," I have no idea. It’s one of the quintessential Mellow Gold classics - probably in the Top 10 of the most popular Mellow Gold songs, ever.

Wise Mellow scholars that you all are, you probably have known for a long, long time that "Baby Come Back" was the work of the band Player. However, I’ll argue that most people haven’t heard of Player, and instead, when they hear this song, think, "Hey! Hall & Oates!" Do a Google search combining H&O and the song’s name, and you’ll find tons of people who insist that Player’s version is a cover of H&O’s version, that Player did the original but H&O wrote it, or even that it was performed by Little River Band, the Bee Gees or Ohio Players (??). I did a search on one of the not-so-legal file sharing services and found only one - one! - version listed under Player. The rest were the above groups, or Vanessa Hudgens from High School Musical, who incorporated it into a new song called "Baby Come Back To Me." (I hear this every morning at the gym. It sucks.)

Player at the 1977 San Bernardino Wigmakers Convention

Player began when Peter Beckett and J.C. Crowley met at a party in L.A. around 1976.  Beckett and Crowley were the only ones that weren’t wearing white pants, and somehow this was enough to strike up a meaningful conversation.  (They’re easy to spot in the above picture: they’re the two people wearing white pants.  Beckett is the one far left, and Crowley is the one far right who kind of looks like the freaky love-child of Jann Wenner and Rufus Wainwright.)  The duo, both singer-songwriters, met up shortly after the party, and realized they had enough in common to form a band together.  They added hunky Ronn Moss (above, trying to hide a hickey) on bass and Moss’s friend John Friesen (the one who looks like a SNL parody of a ’70s rocker) on drums.  Original Steppenwolf member Wayne Cook was later added on keyboards.  Managing the band was Paul Palmer, who was more than suitable for the job, also being the manager for Little River Band.

"Baby Come Back" was the brainchild of Beckett and Crowley.  Both had recently broken up with their girlfriends (as the story goes; I’m not so convinced they weren’t dumped for men with better hair) and one night, over hazelnut-infused hot cocoa and backrubs (not true), churned out their genius tune.  (Note: Wikipedia attributes this tune to Blaine Craven, but a check over at BMI confirms it’s Beckett and Crowley.  Yes, I searched BMI.  No, I don’t know why, either.)

The band had their killer song; now all they needed was a record deal.  Palmer set up auditions with various producers, insisting that the band play live, instead of submitting a demo tape that could merely be shelved and forgotten.  Producers Dennis Lambert and Brian Potter (who had written songs for the likes of The Righteous Brothers and Dusty Springfield) picked up the band, and in turn, convinced Robert Stigwood to sign them to RSO Records.

"Baby Come Back" entered Hot 100 in October of 1977, and in January of 1978 spent three weeks at #1.  In total, the song spent four months in the Top 40 and a massive eight months in the Hot 100.  Two million copies later, Player were being personally asked to open for Eric Clapton - quite a step up from opening for Gino Vannelli - and were named by Billboard as Best New Singles Artist of 1978.  Player had other hits (one of them, "This Time I’m In It For Love," will be snarked around here at some point, I’m sure), but of course, internal feuding tore the band apart.  In fact, Beckett left the band during their stint opening for Kenny Loggins on "The Footloose Tour."  It’s true.  He had to cut loose.  (groan)

In between various reunion incarnations, the members of Player have kept busy.  Beckett wrote "Twist Of Fate" for Olivia Newton-John, included in the movie of the same name that actually made Xanadu look like a masterpiece, and even joined the ol’ Little River Band for a spell in the late ’80s and early ’90s.

Crowley left the band and became a semi-successful songwriter, writing for The Oak Ridge Boys, Johnny Cash and Smokey Robinson.  And Ronn Moss…well, Moss gained the most notoriety when he decided to use his rugged, manly looks to further his career as an actor.  Since 1987, Moss has played "Ridge Forrester" on CBS’ The Bold And The Beautiful. 

Moss and Beckett, flexing for your pleasure.

Okay.  So now, you know all there is to know about Player: how they started, how they rose, how they fell, how they refuse to go away.  Let’s talk about the genius of "Baby Come Back," shall we?  For starters, listen to that bass: I’m willing to bet that Moss couldn’t even play the damn thing when he joined the band, but Beckett and Crowley knew the bass part required someone dashingly handsome.  The bass handles most of the verses really, accompanied by light drums and keyboard, and even lighter guitar.  These guys knew exactly how to build to a chorus.

And speaking of the chorus:  has there ever been another Mellow chorus that felt this good to sing?  What a hook!  It doesn’t matter that every single word of the chorus is completely emasculating, as the guys from Player get down on their knees and shamelessly beg forgiveness for ever wronging the girl.  Those layered harmonies, musical but essentially put forth as a shouting plea, are some of the most satisfying I’ve ever heard…until we hit the bridge.  Oh, I love the bridge of "Baby Come Back" - more harmonies building up to Beckett hitting that high "is there nothing left for mee-heee?" falsetto, a few seconds of silence, and then back into the chorus.  It’s genius, I tell you!

Lyrically - well, we’ve already talked about the chorus.  The rest of the song follows suit - it’s a simple MG song about losing the girl, missing the girl, wanting the girl back.  They could be singing anything here, it wouldn’t matter - it’s all about the music.

Here’s a great vintage clip from the ’70s.  The pitch is a little high on the clip, but you get the idea of how smooth these guys were.

"Baby Come Back" certainly has its spot in popular culture:  most recently, Bumblebee plays the song during a scene in Transformers.  And who can forget "Homer Alone," the episode of The Simpsons when Homer and Marge lose custody of the kids?

Simpsons

(You’ll note, however, that the version played over the phone isn’t the original.  Beckett, Crowley and Crenshaw do receive credits for "Baby Come Back" vocals at the end of the show.)

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention how much Mike loves this song.  A couple of weeks ago, we were at our friend’s annual barbecue, an event where we all bring guitars and sing for hours.  From the moment we started playing, Mike requested we play "Baby Come Back."  I can say, almost definitively, that the only people that enjoy Mike and I doing "Baby Come Back" are the two of us.  Nobody else can stand it.  But I love performing it with Mike.  He knows every single tricky chord, really nails the harmonies, and completely makes the song his own: when I sing that line "All day long, wearing a mask of false bravado," Mike gently echoes "false bravado."  He’s the Oates to my Hall Starsky to my Hutch Crowley to my Beckett.

And since you may be wondering, yes, Player has re-recorded this song to bring it into this century; however, they’ve smooth jazzed it up, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to allow any smooth jazz on this site.  Maybe Jeff should play it for Lance Mueller?  You can hear one version on iTunes, and another on their MySpace page.