It was a tough day, the day I finally realized I’d never make a living as a musician. I think it was my 40th birthday when it happened. I woke up to find myself chronologically 40, but not really feeling like it or interpreting myself as such. I still had crystal clear recollections of elementary school days, so how could it be that I was four decades on? Hell, I still remember meeting Carol McLean that first day back at River Plaza, and her threat that she was ready to “kick my third-grade ass.”
By sixth grade, she was still threatening that, and was probably completely unaware of the crush I had developed over her. Ah, but I always was a fool for the redheads. Now there, at 40, and here at 41, I would have thought such details would have drifted out of my head and into the ozone by now, and so it hardly feels like I could have turned a corner away from the possibilities of making music and a living at the same time. At the same time, the window of opportunity seems so far away now, and so far behind me.
Understanding that this wouldn’t be my life’s great cause didn’t stop me from making music anyway, which was a bit frustrating. It’s like being a kite maker on the moon. You love making the kites but the damned things can’t fly. You’re still fastening crepe paper to balsa wood frames (in a spacesuit, which is quite a feat of dexterity, let me tell you!)
I got over this hurdle by simply giving away my music, and there had been, at that time, several venues to accomplish that. Most of them have fizzled out, some have revamped their terms of service, and still more are asking me to start charging for my music so they can get their cut.
Get their cut? If I knew where the buying audience was, I’d be trying to get my cut too!
Luckily, I have our little rebel base here at Popdose, and on a light news day such as Sunday tends to be, I can casually drop a track or two (or four, or more) without upsetting the flow of our weekday schedules. Self-serving? Maybe. Self-indulgent? Certainly. But the way I figure, you can choose to download or not download, and you still won’t have to pay a penny either way.
These tracks are from Symphonica Transistori and Built on the Bones EP, two instrumental projects. Take them for what they are.