Dw. Dunphy hails from the great state of New Jersey, where if you have to ask how much your car insurance premiums will be, you can’t afford to drive. He is a writer, artist, and musician but makes no money from of any of these endeavors, so he is also a lawn-care specialist. When pressed on the matter, he claims he’s just “keeping it real.”

Dunphy has written music reviews for MusicTap.net, short fiction, and a serialized novella, Drivers of the Plague, for several esteemed and now-defunct websites. He was a part of the avant-garde postrock collective Nightmare Variations, has self-released solo recordings, and can be found at CD Baby and iTunes. He has a bruised and withered ego that constantly cries out for attention.

Dunphy is a bald man. He has been called “the spitting image of a moldy cantaloupe” and “Charlie Brown’s doppelganger.” Actually, those are both complete lies, but they’re funnier than hereditary baldness, so cut him some slack, why don’t ya? He has also pissed off several posters at indie-rock sites such as Pitchfork, Aversion Media, and Stereogum because he comments so damned much. He thinks he knows something. He’s not afraid to say it. America, embrace him like a scantily clad cheerleader on spring break at a bitchin’ kegger.

Please oh please.