The Popdose Staff thought that the best way to celebrate the second to last day of Mellowmas was to set the DeLorean back to the glam year of 1980, virtually the dawn of music television. Well, kinda, but not quite. MTV premiered in 1981, and promotional films for songs had long been a tool for bands and artists.
However, it wasn’t yet a necessary tool for all artists, and so we were taking a real shot in the dark with some of the songs here (incidentally, not a holiday track in the bunch! Rejoice!), but what better way to spend Christmas Eve than huddled, sad and lonely, around your computer monitor watching old music videos?
Well, it’s too late to RSVP for that swinging party down the street, so take a swig of that egg nog, adjust your Santa cap and stop fiddling with your candy cane. It’s time to boogie.
THREE FRENCH VOTES
Olivia Newton-John – Magic: The beginning and end of this week’s list shows the seismic change in the culture, from the end of the Seventies to the beginning of the Eighties. Here we have Olivia Newton-John who, in her mom-jeans, non-threatening, neighbor-kinda-hotness sort of way typified the non-disco sex symbolism of that decade. Sure, she had a nice figure and all, but she probably could make you a rockin’ cup of hot cocoa too.
The Pretenders – Brass In Pocket: Chrissie Hynde represented the punk attitude invading pop music at the time. Sure, she wanted to make you, make you, make you notice, but she also kind of scared you a bit. Okay, maybe a lot. Please, Chrissie – don’t hurt us!
Pete Townshend – Let My Love Open The Door: This looks like a clip from the old Don Kirschner Rock Show. Don Kirschner’s label also had something to do with the Archies, I believe. Can you imagine the Archies singing this?
Neither can I. NEXT…!
Michael Jackson – Rock With You: Watch out, Dennis Quaid! The Snake-Man is coming after you!!
The Rolling Stones – Emotional Rescue: Remember when even the Stones’ throwaway, trendjacking stabs at “relevance” were fun?
TWO TURTLEHEADS (Uh, votes…)
Benny Mardones – Into The Night: Paging the Mellow Gold flashback! Paging skanky pseudo-pedo songs sung by creepy older men! (Oh, just read this – that will explain it all.)
Tom Petty And The Heartbreakers – Refugee: Huh. We’re out of snark for Messrs Petty and Breakers. Unfortunate. However will we get through the rest of our list without the wellspring of sarcasm bubbling forth?
Gary Numan – Cars: Creepy alien boy! (Ah, that well ran deeper than we thought. Thank you, Poland Spring.)
Christopher Cross – Sailing: This song is calm, gentle and innocuous. Why the hell does Christopher Cross need a double-neck guitar like he’s about to slam out “I Want You To Want Me?!”
Heh heh heh. Chalupa.
Cliff Richard – We Don’t Talk Anymore: Some musicians just stand there and lip-synch the song. They don’t move much at all. They’re very reserved, afraid of looking like a Tourette’s patient if they gesticulate too much. And then there’s Cliff Richard…
Little River Band – Cool Change: Let’s go windsurfing! And drink lots of Sunny Delight! And get sweatshirts that change color when you sweat in them! We got yer cool change right here!
George Benson – Give Me The Night: Return Of The Ninja Roller Skating Guitar Player!!
Smokey Robinson – Cruisin’: This was filmed back before Smokey quit the business and was replaced by his wax statue from Madame Tussaud’s.
Air Supply – All Out Of Love: And I swear I just heard Jason Hare squeal like he just won the lottery.
Steve Forbert – Romeo’s Tune: Greasy!
Robbie Dupree – Steal Away: There is no video for this song, so we have a live clip… From 2009… At a shrimp festival… Shot with a camcorder. And just like that, I’ve made Jason Hare’s holiday double-good-everything. (It’s a McD thing, people. You just wouldn’t understand.)
Kenny Loggins – This Is It: People once thought Kenny Loggins was cool. Take that information into account twenty years from now when you’re defending to your kids the crap you like today. You are so busted.
Michael Jackson – Off The Wall: Oh my God! Michael Jackson was a black man?
Pat Benatar – Heartbreaker: Now, contrast Pat with Olivia Newton-John way up at the top of this list. Here was a rock-chick that (LEGAL FILTER – ALL THE COMMENTARY ORIGINALLY PRESENTED IN THIS SPACE HAS BEEN REDACTED BY ERVIN STEINSTEEN, ATTORNEY AT LAW) smokin’ hot, dude!
Queen – Crazy Little Thing Called Love: Freddy could wear tight pants too.
Boz Scaggs – Breakdown Dead Ahead: The pre-show party depicted in this clip is pretty tame. Of course, there’s only one member of Toto on-hand, so that probably has something to do with it.
And your #1 for 1980 is…
Blondie – Call Me: Debbie Harry is alright, isn’t she? Can you imagine Olivia Newton-John writhing around like this? I can’t.
And our #1 for 1980 is…
Prince – I Wanna Be Your Lover: And it’s altered because Prince doesn’t want his videos on YouTube, but whatever. Seriously. Whatever. What-evs. I’m done fighting with you, Prince. I want my hairbrush back too, and there better not be any funky hairs in the bristles. That’s just not right.
And to cap off this shindig, the Popdose Staff got together and recorded this holiday video greeting to all our dear readers. This one comes straight from the heart, so enjoy and have a great Christmas!