Friday Night Videos!: The Hits of 1985

If you’re holding your breath for the day MTV starts playing music videos, let it go. It’s never going to happen, not while the dreaded Snooki-beast is running around, trying to mount Eric Cartman.

But who needs MTV in the digital age? We’re here, the time’s right, and the videos are waiting for us. So set the way-way-back machine for 1985, strap on your shoulder pads, poof up that hair and layer those jackets. It’s time to rock.

Dire Straits – Money For Nothing: The video that introduced the short-lived fad of neon rings used as sweatbands. God bless those poor kids with the jheri curls, for they just didn’t know. They just didn’t know.

Eddie Murphy – Party All The Time: This song is unbelievable; just truly, completely unbelievable. All the time? How about some of the time? How about Morris Day still owes me money and until I get paid back, The Time can party on their own dime.

Tina Turner – We Don’t Need Another Hero: Can’t we just get beyond Thunderdome?

Madonna – Dress You Up: Yes, kids. Madonna was once a human being like the rest of us. Then the Cyberdyne Corporation took her away and replaced her arms with those of a bench-pressing machine named Herbie Too Ripped. And what did Herbie get in return? A York Peppermint Patty, and he was grateful.

‘Til Tuesday – Voices Carry: God bless Aimee Mann, but don’t ask her to make balloons stick to walls with friction. I’m just saying…

A-ha – Take On Me: This is the real reason why your mom kept throwing your comic books away.

Commodores – Nightshift: My disappointment with this video is it is 100% Michael Keaton-free. Other than that, it’s just fine.

John Cougar Mellencamp – Lonely Ol’ Night: Just like he easily shed the Cougar surname, John Mellencamp also had difficulties with the letter “D” – meaning then, he ha’ ‘ifficulties with the letter ” – “… WORST SESAME STREET CELEBRITY EVER.

The Go-Gos – Head Over Heels: In her recent autobiography, Belinda Carlisle revealed she was coked up most of the time. Meanwhile, in this video, the rest of the band looks like they’re scared to death. The ’80s weren’t fair to anyone, I guess.

David Lee Roth – California Girls: And there’s a whole other kind of terror…

And your number one song for the year 1985 is…

Wham! – Careless Whisper: Considering that 2010’s number one song will likely be some piece of crap nobody will remember come 2011, it could be much, much worse. Take it away George and What’s-yer-face…

(A big old fart-noise to EMI Records for not allowing embedding with their videos. Good day to you, sirs. I SAID, GOOD DAY.)




  • http://robertcashill.blogspot.com BobCashill

    And with that I’m a college sophomore again. How many times did I see these, usually with Jon Cummings somewhere in the vicinity? “Party All The Time,” yikes!

  • JonCummings

    Yeah, but “Friday Night Videos” is the apt name for this column, as far as Bob & I were concerned. Our dorm didn’t have cable, so videos were consigned to the Friday night ghetto of “FNV.” (We couldn’t even see “Night Flight” on USA!) At least vid-watching was a communal experience, in the dorm lounge with all the other freaks ‘n’ geeks.

  • Anonymous

    So is this going to be a weekly ‘dose feature? I vote yea, though I’d request some lesser-hit videos (e.g. Bottom Feeders) from the same era get thrown into the mix. Would NBC pitch a fit if you used this (or at least the first 27 seconds thereof) as a regular intro? My neighborhood didn’t get cable until 198freakin’9, so FNV and various local and syndicated shows were my only means of salvation.

    Seeing the phrase “big old fart noise” (which should have been a tag) used in conjunction with EMI immediately makes me think of the final track on Never Mind the Bollocks, the very last second in particular.

  • Anonymous

    So is this going to be a weekly ‘dose feature? I vote yea, though I’d request some lesser-hit videos (e.g. Bottom Feeders) from the same era get thrown into the mix. Would NBC pitch a fit if you used this (or at least the first 27 seconds thereof) as a regular intro? My neighborhood didn’t get cable until 198freakin’9, so FNV and various local and syndicated shows were my only means of salvation.

    Seeing the phrase “big old fart noise” (which should have been a tag) used in conjunction with EMI immediately makes me think of the final track on Never Mind the Bollocks, the very last second in particular.

  • http://genxsingalong.wordpress.com Gigi

    Unbelievably, “Dress You Up” got Madonna listed on Tipper Gore’s “Flithy 15″ list, alongside such tunes as “Darling Nikki” and “Animal (F*** Like a Beast).” So “All over, all over” is as objectionable as “Masturbating with a magazine” and “I’ll nail your ass to the sheets”?

  • http://www.popdose.com DwDunphy

    I’m not sure if this is a one-shot or not. It will all depend on the reception. If there’s an audience for it, then maybe.

    The original list of videos was much different, and I’m surprised how strong EMI was during this period. A quarter of the top 100 was distributed by them, and so a quarter of the choices were denied to me (the Tina Turner video being the only exception, as it probably hasn’t been caught yet. Oops.) While I wanted to also add outlier videos, the truth is that they’re even harder to dredge up, which sounds counter-intuitive.

    The original graphic for the piece read, “Popdose Presents Friday Night Videos (please don’t sue us, NBC)” Smarter skulls probably decided that asking not to be sued would likely be an admission, so the graphic disappeared.

  • Paul

    Watching the FNV intro that kingofgrief posted brought back chills! My parents were too cheap to get cable until the early 90’s, so I was stuck watching the videos off of NBC as well. Who was the announcer doing the voiceover in that intro? Was it Scott Shannon??

  • http://digitaldreamdoor.com/pages/best_songs-Power-Pop.html Brett Alan

    No, definitely not Scott Shannon, but the other legendary Scott of New York radio: Scott Muni.

    I didn’t have cable in my dorm either, but there was a local UHF station that showed videos for a while in the afternoon, and they tended to be hipper than FNV.

  • Ceese

    I’m back in college again! Love this feature–keep it if you can!

  • Mike

    Wasn’t “Head Over Heels” actually a hit in ’84?

  • http://www.popdose.com DwDunphy

    Crud.

    You’re right. The list I got my info from had it wrong. Yes, “Head Over Heels” was a hit in 1985, but it was Tears For Fears, not the Go-Gos as that particular list notified. Ah well, it’s fine. It was nice to see a bunch of Go Gos scared crapless. We’ll call it a flashback on the playlist and never, ever, ever speak of it again.

  • JonCummings

    You guys will love this one — one of the bikini babes in the final segment of the “California Girls” video grew up/old to be a friend of mine. Our daughters have been classmates for years; we hang out at the beach in Malibu during the summer. She’s the one in the blue halter bikini on the right at about the 4:05 mark.

  • Anonymous

    FNV used to throw slightly older clips into the mix, so I’ll allow it.

    (Though Tears for Fears had the better song–my favorite of theirs–and that great bookish video.)