When Mellowmas first began, the intention was to find artists from the Mellow Gold genre who had recorded Christmas songs and albums back in the late ’70s and early ’80s. Sadly, most Mellow Gold artists were slow on the uptake (surprise!) and didn’t think to cash in on the opportunity. Today’s artists, however, released their Christmas earlier than most artists of their kind — 1987 — and we covered them on the Second Day of Mellowmas in 2006. Today, Air Supply make their triumphant return to this awful holiday, courtesy of a ridiculous compilation album.
Jason: Crap, Jeff! An All-Star Salute to Christmas? Where did you find this? HOW did you find this?
Jeff: It was stuck to my shoe.
Jason: I mean, seriously. This is really D-list material. Bay City Rollers? Robby fucking Krieger? Mickey goddamn Thomas? Jack jumping Jesus Russell?
Jeff: Yeah, I don’t know who put this thing together, but they found a pretty…interesting list of performers. This is without a doubt the only album in the history of recorded music to feature Iggy Pop and Air Supply.
Jason: And then….James Brown.
Jeff: Every time I look at the album artwork, I expect to see quotes around the word “Star.”
Jason: I want to know how you found this. I DEMAND to know.
Jeff: I really don’t remember how I found it. I think Amazon recommended it to me, that bitch. My Amazon recommendations are all fucked up on account of Mellowmas.
Jason: Amazon is offering the mp3 version — two discs’ worth — for $6.50.
Jeff: I don’t even rate my purchases anymore. There’s no star for “I was kidding.”
Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Air Supply do a song called “Feed the World”?
Jeff: They should have called it “Feed Mickey Thomas.”
Jason: Why do I have the feeling that it’s really “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” and some intern was put in charge of the liner notes?
Jeff: Your $6.50 will allow Mickey Thomas to order an extra pickle for his double cheeseburger.
Jason: Poor Mickey Thomas. Actually, you know what? Fuck Mickey Thomas. He brought this shit on himself.
Jeff: He built this city.
Jason: I don’t know what Air Supply is doing on here, though. They rock.
Jeff: How many times do I have to tell you? Air Supply does not rock.
Jeff: In rock & roll math, Air Supply is the negative sign.
Jason: While I’d like to acknowledge another great line from you, you are currently being ignored by me.
Jeff: Dude, I just really looked at the cover for the first time.
Jeff: Is that…Is that James Brown FLYING? Into Santa’s arms?
Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Who is that above him? Is that Iggy Pop? Or is it Debbie Harry? I can’t tell.
Jeff: I’m going to have nightmares about this for a long time, I can tell already.
Jason: And they spelled “eclectic” wrong. I love this. I love it already.
Jeff: These people understand Mellowmas.
Jason: They sure as hell do! Let’s listen, shall we?
Air Supply — Feed the World (download)
Jason: Yup, it’s what I thought it was. A cover of “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”.
Jeff: Don’t all Air Supply songs featuring Graham Russell vocals automatically suck?
Jason: NO, THAT IS NOT TRUE. Did you catch the “Deck the Halls” opening, by the way?
Jeff: Yeah, I wasn’t blown away.
Jason: Well, duh. Listen, you know I’m an Air Supply fan. But I’m not getting behind this. It’s just pure blandness. They didn’t even sell the “Well, tonight thank God it’s them instead of you” line.
Jeff: There won’t be snow in Africa this Christmastime.
Jason: The greatest gift they’ll get this year is Air Supply covering Band Aid. The harmonies aren’t that bad, but it sounds like the two guys were in different studios. Maybe on different continents.
Jeff: I think the band was in a third studio, too.
Jason: Ack, more “Deck the Halls” re-incorporation! Unnecessary! Actually, that harmony line from Graham isn’t that bad. Maybe I’ll try singing that at the Acoustic ’80s show tonight.
Jeff: I wish I was in Africa.
Jason: Well, that was just bland as all hell.
Jeff: Even for Air Supply, the vocals were pretty light. They sounded bored.
Jason: Of course they’re bored! Nobody wants to hear new music from them! Actually, there are some people who want to hear new music from them.
Jeff: What about the thousands of “Airheads“?
Jeff: Otherwise known as the AARP?
Jason: Ha! I just went on their website. Direct quote:
“I just down load Air Supply version of Feed The World. Which was made famous by Bob Geldoff as Do They Know it’s Christmas Time. Which was originally record by many different British pop stars of the time. I love Air Supply’s version. It got me thinking. Why don’t they wright and record a new Pop song about helping to help those in need. The money from the sale of song will go to help those in need. To feed them, cloth them, help get a roof over their heads, medical care and whatever ells they need to survive. They could use all of the great pop stars, Like Air Supply, Elton John, Madonna, Alanis Morissette, Daniel Powter, Prince, Bon Jovi, Natasha Bedingfield, Peter Cetera, Vonda Shepard, Mariah Carey, Hilary Duff, Five for Fighting, Lionel Richie, Josh Groban, John Mayer, Gwen Stefani, U2, The Veronicas, Cher, Stevie Wonder, Alicia Keys, James Taylor, Peabo Bryson, and Miley Cyrus. I think Air Supply’s Graham Russell and Elton John could write the song together. What do you think of my idea?”
Jeff: Oh wow. Talk about not understanding the way things are.
Jason: I kind of love that suggestion.
Jeff: I’m sure Air Supply does, too.
Jason: I love that this person thinks that Graham Russell can get in touch with Elton John without sending him naked pictures first.
Jeff: Ha ha ha! Hell, he can put Russell Hitchcock in a box and send him to Elton. It wouldn’t even have to be a big box. Just a little pear-shaped box.
Jason: And look at that roster! This person thinks Air Supply can pick up the phone and get all those artists to come together! U2 and Vonda Shepard!
Jeff: Like anyone gives a shit about Vonda Shepard! I bet Air Supply has more fans!
Jason: Daniel Powter and Peter Cetera!
Jeff: They can call it Voices That Care for Listeners Who Don’t.
Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Well, we better get out of here for the day. I can hear the Airheads a-comin’. They’re about to bang down our door.
Jeff: I think they’re headed for Denny’s. It’s about time for the Early Bird special.
Jason: They’re going to yell at us. I know it. It’s okay. I know what to do.
Jeff: Turn on QVC?
Jason: I’ll make my best Jonni Lightfoot metal face.
Jason: It’ll stop ’em dead in their tracks! I’d love it if this starts another post on the Air Supply forum.
Jeff: I’d love it if someone found this post by searching for Vonda Shepard.
Jason: “I think we should get together people to beat up the guys from Mellowmas. We could get Chuck Norris, Mike Tyson, Bruce Lee, Hulk Hogan…”
Jeff: Ha ha ha ha ha!
Jason: Okay, quick, let’s get out of here. Turn the lights out and let’s run.
Jeff: Good idea!
Jason: Happy Mellowmas Friday, everybody!