1. Give them as a gift to someone who has as many as two hands, and/or up to 10 fingers.
  2. Give them as a gift to a person, literally any person, whose hands get cold in the Wintertime, which is everybody.
  3. Keep them on while you tap on your smartphone device, which is both awesome and creepy.
  4. Put them in a stocking, if you are rich, because these gloves aren’t exactly cheap, and Rich People give each other expensive stocking stuffers. That’s not to say these gloves are prohibitively expensive, either, but they are a bit too high-end to just be an afterthought, to go into a fancy sock with an orange and some candy canes.
  5. They’re a perfect thing to bring to your office’s annual Glove Exchange Party.
  6. Win a Heisman Trophy for your superior running back performance at USC. (Ugh, we get it. Funny?)
  7. Kill two people and get away with it. (Those were Aris Lights, not Isotoners.)
  8. Unsuccessfully try them on in a Los Angeles courtroom in 1995. (Come on, we told you. The gloves entered into evidence were Aris Lights. They didn’t fit.)
  9. Wear them to a fancy Christmas show, like The Nutcracker or a choir thing. These are city gloves, son.
  10. Put them on and pretend to be Ryan Gosling when he was that driver in that movie about driving whose name I don’t know and also didn’t see.
  11. Put them on and say, ”Look at me, I’m Donald Glover.” This will give everyone a good laugh. (For an older crowd, substitute in ”Danny Glover.” For a weirder crowd, substitute in ”Crispin Glover.”)
  12. Gloves prevent frostbite. Losing a finger would really put people who want to give you gloves as a gift in a real bind. So don’t be a jerk.
  13. Buy more than one pair and put them on your hands and be a real Double Charlie Goodtime Gloves.
  14. Buy more than one pair and put them on your feet and be a real Double Charlie Goodtime Gloves (Upside-Down Edition).
  15. htOO56WLGy1XjtDgUMmGD3W14ZrQbIIhYrrTjD5L1_cBuy them to give to your kid so he/she can give them as a gift to your spouse/their parent. These Isotoner gloves seem like the kind of thing that would be perfect for that kind of thing. Also, kids have no money, and these are a reasonably priced gift, but not, like, too reasonably. Your spouse will know you paid for them is what I’m saying, so you can take partial credit, and isn’t that what the holidays are all about?
  16. Slap a friend in the face with a glove as if challenging him to a duel, and then be all, ”JK bro,” and then present him with an ornately wrapped gift. Guess what’s in it? The glove that matches the glove you slapped him with. Happy holidays!
  17. Buy them at Isotoner.com or Macy’s.

About the Author