Let’s get right into it and present the sports all-pro teams for the Big 4 sports of movie and TV stars.  Keep in mind, these are the best pro careers at each position; not the most iconic fictional characters.  So, that leaves out Lou Gehrig, Jimmy Chitwood and Rudy Ruettiger – sorry, guys. 
 

BASEBALL 

— PITCHERS —
SP – Steve Nebraska (The Scout) – Yes, he’s a “head case” but his greatest single game pitching appearance of all time is indisputable.
SP – Billy Chapel (For the Love of the Game) – Long, distinguished career with Detroit and capped it off with a perfect game.
SP – Ebby Calvin “Nuke” Laloosh (Bull Durham) – Had a million-dollar arm from the get-go and developed into a poised, pro career.
SP – Eddie Harris (Major League) – A Gaylord Perry type who had a long career and a mean spitball. 
SP – Henry Wiggen (Bang the Drum Slowly) – One of the greats from the 1960s and was the #1 pitcher on a Series-winning team.
RP – Chet Steadman (Rookie of the Year) – Veteran reliever and always can be relied upon in high-pressure situations.
RP – Sam “Mayday” Malone (Cheers) – Spotty Red Sox career.  Usually just gets mop up work in blowout losses or wins.
RP – Jim Bowers (Little Big League) – Real “clubhouse guy”, had good stuff and unflappable in tight games.
RP – Kenny Powers (Eastbound and Down) – A classic just aim it and throw it guy with great heat, a la Goose Gossage.
RP – Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn (Major League) – Led the Indians to some unexpected playoff success, gotta wonder what he could have been without an early stint in prison.

— STARTING LINEUP —
C – Leon Carter (The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars & Motor Kings) – Surprise pick but a Negro Leagues legend who was great both with the bat and the glove.
1B – Clu Haywood (Major League) – Often led the league in most offensive categories (“including nose hair” according to Harry Doyle).  Scariest hitter to face.
2B – Tony Micelli (Who’s the Boss) – Great career with the Cardinals til a shoulder injury forced his retirement.  Great pop for a middle infielder.
SS – Eddie O’Brien (Take Me Out To The Ballgame) – Not only was he a famous 1900’s shortstop for the Wolves, but he was also a touring vaudeville headliner at the time!

3B – Jimmy Dugan (A League of Their Own) – Superstar slugger of the 1930’s who put fans in seats before managing in the short-lived women’s league.
LF – Walter “The Whammer” Whambold (The Natural) – Babe Ruth type status and raw power; the biggest baseball box office draw of the pre-war era.
CF – Bobby Rayburn (The Fan) – A five-tool outfielder with MVP credentials.  Memorable finish to his career as the mainstay of the SF Giants.
RF – Roy Hobbs (The Natural) – A what-if, 2-way player whose best years were robbed due to injury.  But he saved the New York Knights franchise.
DH – Stan Ross (Mr. 3000) – Like Robin Yount, Paul Molitor, and Hank Aaron, Ross was another 3000-hit player for the Milwaukee Brewers.

— BENCH —
C – Gus Sinski (For the Love of the Game) – A clubhouse stabilizer, possesses a cannon arm, and a great game-caller for a veteran pitching staff.
1B/UT – Lou Collins (Little Big League) – Beloved Minnesota Twin and frequent .300 hitter, also a solid defensive first baseman.
1B – Jack Elliot (Mr. Baseball) – Great slugger early in his career and learned to be a solid situational hitter in his final seasons.
SS – Pat Corning (Little Big League) – Smooth-glove shortstop here mainly for his defensive skills; great range plus high fielding percentage.

2B/SS – Danny Hammerling (Angels in the Outfield) – A real asset utility player on the bench, good bat control.
3B – Roger Dorn (Major League) – Well-paid free-agent with lots of all-star appearances in his career, despite his “matador defense.”
OF – Darryl Palmer (The Slugger’s Wife) – Record-setting home run power and elite Atlanta Braves star.
OF – Willie Mays Hayes (Major League & Major League 2) – Initially only a speedster on the basepaths, ended up becoming an all-around talent and team leader.
OF – Billy Young (Tiger Town) – Old school Detroit cornerstone with multiple all-star appearances and 9 Gold Glove awards.
DH – Jack Parkman (Major League 2) – Classic slugger and RBI man in the early DH era of the American League.  Clubhouse pariah.

— SORRY, NEAR MISS —
SP – Mel Clark (Angels in the Outfield) – Career cut short by lung cancer.
RP – Henry Rowengartner (Rookie of the Year) – Arm flamed out after one memorable Cubs season.
C – Jake Taylor (Major League) – Beloved player, but journeyman at best.
C – Crash Davis (Bull Durham) – Minor league record-holder but only was up in the majors for a cup of coffee.
1B/DH – Jerry Johnson (Little Big League) – We could try to make a case for Johnson but would ring as hollow as it did for manager Billy Heywood.
3B – Ray Mitchell (Angels in the Outfield) – Great clutch hitter but just not up to the level of a Roger Dorn.
OF – Bump Bailey (The Natural) – Was the savior of the Knight franchise until tragically running into the outfield wall.
OF – Pedro Cerrano (Major League) – Impressive power and great teammate, but was confounded by the curveball his whole career.
OF – Benny ‘The Jet’ Rodriguez (The Sandlot) – Fan favorite and eventually made the majors with the Dodgers after switching from SS.
— MANAGER —
Populus “Pop” Fisher (The Natural) – The quintessential players’ manager, he never could get the Knights over the top to a championship until the magical Roy Hobbs season. 

 

BASKETBALL 

— FIRST TEAM —
PG – Clarence “Coffee Black” Withers (Semi-Pro) – Made the transition from the ABA to the NBA and inventor of the “alley oop.”
SG – Tracy Reynolds (Like Mike) – Veteran clutch shooter also was “like Mike” and did it his whole career.
SF – Amazing Grace Smith (Amazing Grace & Chuck) – A Celtics star (and anti-nuke activist) pronounced by Johnny Most as “the greatest 3-point shooter of all time.”
PF – Moses Guthrie (The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh) – High-impact power scorer/rebounder, leading a roster built around astrology-driven team construction.
C – Ken Reeves (The White Shadow) – Counterpart to power centers like Wilt and Russell, great rebounder combined with some of Bill Walton’s high post passing game.

— SECOND TEAM —
PG – Scott McKnight (Just Wright) – Fan favorite and dynamic combo guard who can score in bunches.  Recovered from grisly All-Star Game injury to have great second career as a Nets star.
SG – Jesus Shuttlesworth (He Got Game) – One of the better college careers with Big State and ended up a lights-out pro shooter.
SF – Mark Cooper (Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper) – Not an elite scorer, but a versatile 3-and-D guy on any team.
PF – Lewis Scott (Celtic Pride) – An absolutely do-everything superstar in the Utah Jazz’ defeat of the Boston Celtics in the 1996 finals.
C – Neon Boudeaux (Blue Chips) – Tremendous game-changing athletic ability from the center position in both college and the pros.

— THIRD TEAM —
PG – Butch McRae (Blue Chips) – Talented tall point guard who changed the game first with Western University, then the pros.
SG – Ed Monix (Semi-Pro) – Physically imposing journeyman guard, good scorer, won a ring in the NBA before returning to the ABA.
SF – Leroy “Hustler” Monroe (Fast Break) – Dynamic scorer while leading Cinderella Cadwallader University, followed by a brilliant but injury-shortened career.
PF – Bo Cruz (Hustle) – International talent outside of the US collegiate pipeline.  Great stretch-4 shooter.
C – Nate Wilson (Eddie) – Big man intensity famous for his Knicks franchise-saving performance over Charlotte to reach the playoffs.

COACH —
Jackie Moon (Semi-Pro) – In addition to being a player-coach and first team to run an alley-oop offense, he’s here also as general manager for innovative fan promotions. 

 FOOTBALL

— OFFENSE —
QB – Tom Jarrett (Heaven Can Wait) – Tough debate for this spot, but Jarrett brought a Super Bowl title to the Rams.
FB – Earl Jennings (Draft Day) – His son went on to play in the NFL, but the father was a rare thing: A Cleveland Browns legend.
RB – Lance Sullivan (The Best Man Holiday) – Elite running back with the Giants and has the skills for being an every-down back.
WR – Rod Tidwell (Jerry Maguire) – Flamboyant receiver and breakout star from small market Cardinals team; highlight-reel catches.
WR – Ricky Jerret (Ballers) – Vertical threat who still makes tough catches.  Frequent Pro-Bowler.
WR – Marvin “Shake” Tiller (Semi-Tough) – Great route-runner, big-play possession wideout for offensive-minded 1970s squad.
TE – Brian Murphy (The Replacements) – Deaf athlete who’s a prototype tight end: great blocker and a move-the-chains receiver.
T – Patrick “Madman” Kelly (Any Given Sunday) – Lots of intensity, power blocker.
T – Joe Bob Priddy (North Dallas Forty) – Dependable grinder on a very solid blocking unit
C – Charles Greane (Ballers) – Intelligent line captain and perennial All-Pro.
G – O.W. Shaddock (North Dallas Forty) – Celebrated long career; most recognizable lineman of his generation.
G – “Guard Dog” Fredericks (Playmakers) – Highly physical blocker and leader of the line unit.

— DEFENSE —
DE – Deacon Gorman (Heaven Can Wait) – Ferocious pass-rusher; anchored a Super Bowl winning defense.
DE – Frederick “Ogre” Palowaski (Revenge of the Nerds) – Major college pedigree, a Mark Gastineau type of sack machine.
NT – George Samson (The Longest Yard) – Run-stopping nose tackle; friend of QB Paul Crewe.
LB – Vontae Mack (Draft Day) – Cerebral and fast edge-rusher who anchored the comeback of the Browns franchise
LB – Danny Bateman (The Replacements) – Soft-spoken off the field, and monster on the field.
LB – Luther “Shark” Lavay (Any Given Sunday) – Impact hitter and intimidating force. One of the best in the league.
LB – Eric Olyczyk (Playmakers) – Modern, versatile schemed linebacker.
S – Terry Brogan (Against All Odds) – Legendary longtime Outlaws player.
S – Bobby Boucher (The Waterboy) – Converted from LB after storied college career, leading the nation in tackles.  Ferocious hitter.
CB – Willie Beamen (Any Given Sunday) – Though he broke through eventually as Sharks QB, started his career as excellent cornerback with San Diego.
CB – Larry Summers (Blue Mountain State) – Collegiate legend who grew into bump-and-run cover corner.

— SPECIAL TEAMS —
K – Zagreb Shkenusky (First and Ten) – Classic early 1980’s “soccer style” kicker imported from Europe.
P – Derek Wallace (Necessary Roughness) – Wily veteran with a big foot
KR – David Putney (Draft Day) – It’s not often that a kick returner is involved as a dealbreaker player in a blockbuster trade of #1 picks.

— HEAD COACH —
Vince Penn (Draft Day) – There are some other legendary coaches for this slot but Penn won a ring; enough said.

— TOUGH CUTS —
QB – Paul Crewe (The Longest Yard), QB – Seth Maxwell (North Dallas Forty) – Great QBs in their time, but didn’t win a ring.
RB – Keith Anderson (Good Times), RB – Ray Jennings (Draft Day), RB – Julian Washington (Any Given Sunday), RB – Carter Rutherford (Leatherheads), RB – Billy Clyde Puckett (Semi-Tough) – Just a very competitive position.
WR – Phil Elliott (North Dallas Forty) – Beset by injuries but always had great hands and a nose for the first-down marker.
C – Jake Campos (North Dallas Forty), OL – Jethro Snell (First & Ten), OL – Kelvin “The Buffalo” James (Playmakers) – Stalwart offensive lineman.
NT – Andre Krimm (Necessary Roughness), DE – Ed “Bull” Lawrence (Everybody’s All-American) – Couldn’t quite make the transition from the college game to the pros.
KR – Forrest Gump (Forrest Gump) – College phenom but didn’t have the mind for the pro game.
K – Ray Finkle (Ace Ventura, Pet Detective) – Storied career for the Dolplhins but sustained a big reputation hit for crucial missed FG. 

 

HOCKEY

GK Jacques “Le Coq” Grande (The Love Guru) – Quick-reaction saves in high-pressure looks.  Confidence/ego component is part of his performance identity
D Ross “The Boss” Rhea (Goon) – High-end enforcer defenseman / hybrid fighter role.  A very strong skater for a physical defender
D Jean “Rosie” Lerose (Strange Brew) – Physical, stay-at-home defensive role; direct style of play rather than finesse or puck-carrying
F Doug “The Thug” Glatt (Goon) – Wins games through intimidation, momentum shifts, and fighting ability
F Shane Hollander (Heated Rivalry) – Elite skill forward archetype.  High-end skating, puck skill, and offensive IQ
C Ned Braden (Slap Shot) – Classic playmaking center.  Runs offense and distributes puck.  Intelligent, almost too intelligent. 

About the Author

Charlie Recksieck

Charlie Recksieck writes about indie, alternative and older music while composing and producing for film and TV. He has been known to sing Patsy Cline’s “Crazy” in Pig Latin and was once sent a cease-and-desist letter by a syndicate of cartoonists, including Ziggy.

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