Remember last week when I was duped into thinking I’d been sent that Air Supply bootleg by a guy named “R. Murdoch”? It never crossed my mind that “R.” might be short for Rupert, as in Rupert Murdoch, the Australian media mogul and megazillionaire who owns the New York Post, the Wall Street Journal, 20th Century Fox, Fox News, the Fox network, and three-quarters of the world’s fox population, be they animal or female.

Rich guys like Mr. Murdoch don’t miss a beat. Last weekend, while waiting for his online purchase of Transformers star Megan Fox to finish downloading, he apparently decided to google his name for fun, and up popped the insinuation that he enjoys Air Supply’s special brand of southern-hemisphere soft rock. “I’d rather have me wedding tackle chopped off than listen to those two drongos!” he said in an e-mail I received Saturday afternoon.

Turns out he’s an Olivia Newton-John fan, but unfortunately I don’t have any bootlegs from the star of Two of a Kind. (I know, I know — nobody remembers the Travolta-and-ONJ movie that isn’t Grease, but Two of a Kind came off the 20th Century Fox assembly line in ’83, so Mr. Murdoch is forcing me to mention it here.) He then threatened to cut out my heart with a dull spoon, which made me remember that I have a terrific bootleg by one of the best bands working today. That would be Spoon, performing in Tallahassee, Florida, at a club called the Moon. In June? Sadly, no — this particular concert took place on November 8, 2007. But it’s well worth a listen.

The Delicate Place
Don’t You Evah
You Got Yr. Cherry Bomb
Stay Don’t Go
The Beast and Dragon, Adored
Rhthm & Soul
Metal Detektor
The Way We Get By
The Ghost of You Lingers
Everything Hits at Once
Don’t Make Me a Target
It’s Gonna Take an Airplane
Two Sides/Monsieur Valentine
They Never Got You
I Summon You
I Turn My Camera On
My Mathematical Mind
Black Like Me
My Little Japanese Cigarette Case
The Underdog
The Fitted Shirt

When I mentioned to Mr. Murdoch that he was cribbing that line about a dull spoon from Alan Rickman as the Sheriff of Nottingham in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, he became irate. Not only did he assume I was calling him unoriginal, but the 1991 Kevin Costner movie was a Warner Bros. release that ended up killing off Fox’s own planned Robin Hood movie, to be directed by John McTiernan (Die Hard).

I said, “But you didn’t even own Fox back then, sir.” I thought that would calm him down, but it didn’t.

Neither did my offer to help him track down the estimated four million people who’ve downloaded X-Men Origins: Wolverine, starring his fellow Australian Hugh Jackman, since it was leaked online in March, more than a month before its debut in theaters. It’s currently being sliced and diced at the box office by the new Star Trek movie, which has gotten better reviews from critics and better word-of-mouth from moviegoers. (Don’t worry about Jackman’s career, though. “Along with all those newspapers and networks and foxes, I also own Hugh,” Mr. Murdoch told me. “Why else do you think his last three movies were made by Fox? He’s mine for life!”) Make no mistake — if Mr. Murdoch finds you with a downloaded copy of Wolverine, your wedding tackle is a goner.

About the Author

Robert Cass

Robert Cass lives in Chicago. For Popdose he's written under the Sugar Water, Bootleg City, and Box Office Flashback banners and collaborated on the series 'Face Time with Jeff Giles and Mike Heyliger.

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