It’s kind of a big move to walk out of a movie in the theater. You’ve already made the commitment to go, drive there, park. It’s likely you dropped more $ on a snack, before turning off your cellphone and diving into the movie. So, if you at some point decide you just can’t take it anymore, that movie is really offending you in some very specific way.
I always think of an old Albert Brooks observation: people now spend more time looking at box office grosses and researching whether to see a movie than the movie itself would take. At some point, you just have to say it’s two hours and five bucks, roll the dice.
The attention we naturally give in a theater where nothing but the screen is visible is in itself a great experience – no matter the crowd size. There’s nothing better than seeing a great comedy or horror picture in a full theater. Conversely, catching a matinee with practically nobody else in there is a unique experience that feels like getting away with something.
At home, things are completely different. Flipping off the TV or changing channels is constantly on the table. Phones ring, doors knock, microwave beeps, dogs or children need something. It’s hard to really focus on a movie at home, and too easy to turn it off.
So, walking out is definitely a thing. And how early you walk out is important. Skipping out at the beginning in a multiplex to see something else is a smart move if you can tell you’re not gonna like it. But quitting near the end when you just can’t take it anymore? Ouch.
Over the years, I’ve walked out of movies for noble reasons, ridiculous reasons, technical reasons, and at least once because I was 10 years old, and there was a video game in the lobby.
Kingpin (1996) – Wasn’t my idea to walk out, I was seeing it with my mom and aunt. Mom wasn’t particularly conservative about culture but I think it was the scene with landlady that pushed her over the line. I ended up going back to see it within a couple of days without family.
The Addams Family (1991) – I was with the same aunt from viewing Kingpin; we weren’t offended by anything in this one, though we weren’t amused by it either. That movie was about tone, and it didn’t get it. We looked at each other with 10 minutes left, both frowning and decided to call time of death on the afternoon at the movies.
The Lemon Sisters (1990) – This walkout was kind of accidental. The movie hung together so poorly that there was no sense of where we were in the story. So I went to go to the bathroom thinking there was 20-30 minutes left. Upon leaving the restroom, my girlfriend was there in the lobby with everyone else. She said the movie just kind of ended.
The Replacement Killers (1998) – A somber Chow Yun Fat action movie with Mira Sorvino in it for something. I think we quit about 30 bored minutes in so we could see something else. We slipped into Sphere which wasn’t great but still an upgrade.
Holmes & Watson (2018) – This was bad from the start. It really hurt as a huge Ferrell, Anchorman, Talladega Nights guy but I just felt embarrassed to be in the theater. I don’t think I even got to another movie in that movieplex, there was a barbecue place nearby, and that was good enough.
Laserblast (1978) – By far the worst movie on this list, print ads made it seem like a Star Wars ripoff, if only. Just low budget small town desert setting confusion. My sister took me in her Pinto, and we left soon after. The Ford Pinto was the cherry on the 70s sundae.
Don Juan Demarco (1994) – Totally different circumstances, there were technical difficulties there with a high-pitched squeak, which sounded exactly like a tea kettle. In all of his scenes, it seemed like Marlon Brando was actually listening to a tea kettle boil over and responding to it. We got our money back at the box office window, and there was no point to see anything else because it could not have been as funny as doing Brando impressions of him listing various flavors of tea, which we did for the next three hours
U-Turn (1997) – Somehow, Oliver Stone made lurid violence completely boring. I was solo for this one, and I know I left early because it was before it even ran into whatever incest storyline was apparently in there.
Bean (1997) – Something that I kind of liked as a light, PBS comedy that felt like a comic strip on television, while on the big screen was way too loud and mugging. Just a garden-variety feeling of: I gotta get out of here, this is embarrassing.
Man in the Moon (1999) – Maybe the best movie I’ve walked out of, I liked it a little more watching on the small screen at home. With 15 minutes left, I walked out only because I had to pee, but while I was at the urinal, I was reminding myself how annoyed I was by all of the stilted biopic dialogue and just walked to my car.
The Robe (1953) – I was at a kids birthday party around age 10 and his very religious family took the whole group to see this crucifixion of Jesus in a “revival”. Looking back, I still wonder: what the fuck were they thinking, taking a bunch of other people’s kids to see a crucifixion movie? The same question my mom angrily asked the next day. About 75 minutes into this one, I found a video game console in the lobby. Great choice by me.
Funny About Love (1990) – A lame Gene Wilder movie I was seeing with my girlfriend in Indiana on a great cross country trip. The only thing I remember about it was a weird cameo from the Knicks’ Patrick Ewing. What really hurt was when we were walking out I saw that another theater in the multiplex was showing Goodfellas, which had just come out and I had not seen yet. I am not normally a volatile boyfriend, but I was pissed
The Real McCoy (1993) – So that’s one in Montana with my friend Steve, and we instantly found the jewel heist setup really boring filmmaking. Another early rip cord to switch to another movie, which was the Stephen King adaptation Needful Things, which was a lateral move.
Blues Brothers 2000 (1998) – I loved the original so much but I imagine this was just because I hated the drop off. The music was still OK but all of the timing was off, and Macaulay Culkin is a junior Blues Brother? I distinctly remember, leaving during the “Funky Nassau” number, despite my fandom of Paul Shaffer.
Suicide Squad (2016) – We took my girlfriend’s son Edward and his friends to this for a birthday party; how bad could this superhero movie be? I wasn’t gonna pull the group out of this, but I left a little over halfway in and just took a walk instead. Pointless. To this day, Edward is impressed that I walked out of a movie.
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