So I?ve never really liked wine. Well, that isn?t really fair?I mean, I only started drinking anything alcoholic like six years ago?so I guess it?s better to say that my brief drinking career has been a slow journey from cider and whiskey to wine and beer. Leah loves red wine, and has been trying to get me to develop an appreciation for it for years. I?d wager that most adult males are comfortable with the fact that if The Woman wants you to do something, you?ll do it eventually whether you want/mean to or not, and this is a fine example: about a year ago, I discovered that wine doesn?t taste so bad. Now I actually kinda like it. Being a wine novice, and living in an area where cheap wine is plentiful, I try to experiment with a new one every week.

Which leads me to my point: Do not drink Mouton Cadet Bordeaux.

We corked the bottle, smelled the contents, and paused for a few moments, trying to define the odor. I eventually settled on ?locker room.? It tastes all right, but dammit, you can?t drink it without sticking your nose in what smells like a sweaty glass?at least not without a straw, and straws are for chicks. So I called my Wine Sherpa, , and left a message asking him what in the world we?d purchased. His first words when calling me back were ?Dude, Mouton Cadet? He then went on to describe what he referred to as ?high mouse content? and to suggest a time-lapse experiment involving half a glass of this stuff and passing out.

Anyway, we?ve got an open half-bottle of Mouton Cadet on the counter. Maybe I?ll use it to cook something for someone I hate.

Do you have a Wine Sherpa? I suggest finding one. Or maybe can set up a 1-800 number. A hotwine, if you will.

In yogurt news, Yoplait has started making something called ?Healthy Heart? yogurt, which ?may lower cholesterol? due to something called ?fruit sterols.? I?ll try almost anything new, so I bought some. It tastes the same, and I don?t feel like my cholesterol has decreased. But more annoying is Yoplait?s senseless removal of the Handy Removal Tab on the foil lid. Observe:

normal (and perfectly good) foil lid

new, stupid foil lid

Cholesterol be damned! I?m sticking to regular yogurt from now on!

Finally, two of my favorite songwriters released new singles today. Because I like you, I?m making them available for a limited time only. Get your download on! Do it now! I?m going to take these off the server before they?re discovered by dirty Web moochers:

Ben Folds – Landed
Glen Phillips – Thankful

About the Author

Jeff Giles

Jeff Giles is the founder and editor-in-chief of Popdose and Dadnabbit, as well as an entertainment writer whose work can be seen at Rotten Tomatoes and a number of other sites. Hey, why not follow him at Twitter while you're at it?

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