“Never mind me, ’cause I’ve been dead
Out of my body, been out of my head…”
Grant Lee Phillips, you have my attention.
“There’s nothing that I said that’ll bring you happiness, happiness
It’s hard to come by, I confess
I’m bad at this thing, happiness
If you find it, share it with the rest of us”
I was indeed bad at that thing happiness, at least when it came to my love life. The rest of my life was pretty awesome, but I gave my girlfriends far, far too much power when it came to how I should feel about myself. I guess I felt like that was the point, to hand yourself over to the other. Took that a tad too literally, I suppose.
“Never mind the words that came
Out of my mouth when all that I could feel was pain…”
Most of that pain was caused by her, of course, but that doesn’t matter; even when they drop the most emotionally crippling anvil on your head, you don’t make things even by hurting them in return. Sometimes, though, it was hard to think rationally when reeling from the latest shot to the gut. “Let’s be clear, honey, do you want to be with a guy LIKE my roommate, or do you want to be with my roommate?”
“The difference in the two of us comes down to the way
You rise over things I just put down…”
That was true; she did have a way of not letting anything get her down. I always wondered how she did it. Was it dogged determination? Subconscious defense mechanism? A little of both, I suppose. I kind of envied her ability to just move on with little time or need for reflection. Man, life would be so much simpler that way.