Song for the Soundtrack of Your Date Tonight

Got your mojo working? Spread your love around this date night. When you’re on fire, it’s practically your obligation to feed the love-starved masses. Step onto the dance floor. The sea o’ slithering lust is your land of opportunity. You want to bottle some of this magic for a rainy day, but you know you can’t contain it in a confined space for too long. Like Mentos and Diet Coke, your potent elixir always gets her. Sidle up. Let some love outta the bottle tonight, little genie…Take it to the bridge, JT.

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Song for the Soundtrack of Your No Date Tonight

You stayed on the ride a little too long. The tunnel of love had no light at the exit, but you wore your darkest shades so you couldn’t see it. And now it’s dunzo. A relationship not unlike cotton candy. Sweet and sticky on the outside. On the inside, all artificial. And whipped to oblivion. Pretty in pink meets poison on a stick. You’re dateless tonight because you’re driven by chemistry, but let’s not forget, good friend, that the same chemistry that drives you can break your beaker into a million jaggedy pieces. And for this occasion, we have the 30th birthday babe that is Britney to soothe our suburban souls. Take a hit of the pop pipe, kids, and pass it along.

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About the Author

Leslie Liberatore

You can learn more than you ever needed to know about Leslie Liberatore on Twitter @hotskillet. (Please don't hold this against her).

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