Jeff: We should probably begin by giving “credit” for this song where it’s due, shouldn’t we?

Jason: Beelzebub?

Jeff: Close. Matt Wardlaw.

Jason: I hate that guy. Always sending us shitty Christmas music.

Jeff: If only he stopped after Christmas!

Jason: I feel like the more I tell him to stop, the more he sends. Which means you probably feel a deep kinship with him.

Jeff: I have to admit that I do. We both love awful music and gross food. Although I think Matt really likes some of the awful music he sends us.

Jason: cough New Gin Blossoms cough

Jeff: Careful, or you’ll make Michael Parr cry.

Jason: If Michael Parr — and the rest of the Popdose staff — isn’t already crying from all these days of Mellowmas so far, we have a real problem. Although hopefully Ken is on the phone with our webhost, trying to shut down his e-mail address.

Jeff: I’m not crying at all. We’ve had some bumpy days, but I feel like I’m just settling into my Mellowmas groove.

Jason: “How Jefito Got His Mellowmas Groove Back.” Ugh, I just pictured you in a bikini.

Jeff: That made ME shudder. I know what’ll help clear your mind.

Jason: …drinking witch hazel?


Jason: Wang Chung! They’ve gotten quite a bit of Popdose love, haven’t they?

Jeff: They have, and I don’t have a problem with that. I enjoyed their mini-reunion on that one game show, and I’m kind of amazed that they’re still around. They had what might be the dumbest ’80s hit of all dumb ’80s hits, and that includes the Fat Boys doing “Wipeout.”

Jason: Yeah, I enjoyed that reunion too. That was fun.

Jeff: They seem to have a pretty good sense of humor about themselves.

Jason: I just Googled “Wang Chung Christmas” and the first thing to come up was Matt’s blog. That can’t be good.

Jeff: Let me guess — he likes it.

Jason: You know, he actually doesn’t say.

Jeff: “The band would like you to record your own version (video or audio) singing along with that chorus.”

Jason: I have a great idea. Everybody should record their own version on video, but do it naked.

Jeff: Define “everybody.”

Jason: “All of our readers.”

Jeff: I don’t think you know what you’re saying.

Jason: Well, wait. I don’t want to see it. I want Wang Chung to see it. Imagine if they got like 25 entries, and it was all naked people?

Jeff: Our readers should send you their naked Wang Chung videos at your Popdose e-mail address.

Jason: My account has been acting up, so you should probably send everything twice.

Jeff: There’s definitely a wang joke in here, but I’m impatient to get to the music for some reason.

Jason: Well, then.

Wang Chung — Merry Christmas, Everyone (download)

From…uh…Addicted to Vinyl? Here’s their website, and their Facebook page.

Jason: …another Garage Band production?

Jeff: Acoustic guitars for Mellowmas?

Jason: Oh, that’s cute! They’re referencing their other songs in their lyrics! Of course, I only recognize two of them!

Jeff: Ha ha ha! “Merry Christmas, all you Wang Chung fans!” Okay, this wins.

Jason: Yeah, I had a feeling it wasn’t going to be bad.

Jeff: I mean, it’s really stupid and I know I won’t remember a second of it after it’s over, but with that line, they justified this song’s existence.

Jason: Yeah, same here. I won’t listen again, but I wouldn’t turn it off, either.
And I like the chords.

Jeff: It has chords?

Jason: Oh, sure! Lots of them.

Jeff: This is a total throwback to the days when bands like the Beatles would record Christmas songs for their fan clubs. I approve.

Jason: Yeah. I guess this is a Mellowmas fail, huh?

Jeff: Good for you, Wang Chung.

Jason: That’s okay. Our readers deserve some holiday music that sounds like it was recorded for the right reasons. cough Train cough

Jeff: I’m not even thinking about the music anymore — I’m daydreaming about Wing covering Wang Chung. I wonder if Wing’s last name is Chung? Everybody Wing Chung tonight!

Jason: gasp She should totally cover “Everybody Have Fun Tonight” and…oh, you just said it.

Jeff: You know, I bet if we paid Wing $35 USD, she’d change her last name to Chung.

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Jeff: Well, readers, we sort of hate to leave you with some halfway decent music, but you should know by now that it happens once a Mellowmas.

Jason: I guess we owe Wardlaw an apology. He actually sent us a song that wasn’t terrible.

Jeff: But don’t let it end here! There’s a contest to be won!

Jason: …there is? I mean, there is!

Jeff: Yeah, remember the video contest?

Jason: Oh, right! That!

Jeff: Isn’t Wang Chung giving something away? A Subway gift card, perhaps?

Jason: I thought we were going to do a contest to see how many people could send naked videos to, uh, me.

Jeff: Well, that’s its own prize. Everyone’s an instant winner there.

Jason: I don’t see a contest.

Jeff: Wang Chung just wants free background vocals?

Jason: Yeah.

Jeff: Damn, Wang Chung.

Jason: “Wang Chung fans in the world! Find a video on YouTube of us, tell everyone out there about what we have going on now! We’d really appreciate it!”

Jeff: Wait, what do they have going on now?

Jason: Uh…this song?

Jeff: Hmm. awkward

Jason: Tell you what. If anybody reads this and is inspired to record a Wang Chung video, send it to US and we’ll give you something.

Jeff: First prize: The number of your local depression hotline.

About the Author

Jeff Giles and Jason Hare

Two people, separate rooms Trying to hurt the other Bound together by destiny Is there nothing they won’t do? Will we never see them through?

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