Two weeks ago today, Mellowmas began. We can’t believe you’re still reading this crap. It doesn’t get any better, you know. Just worse. Observe:
[audio:http://www.wwmmd.net/tunes/mellowmas/Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton – I Believe In Santa Claus.mp3]
Jason: Hey, real drums!
Jeff: Pedal steel! This is what triple scale got you in Nashville in 1984. Or whenever this mellow mothball came out.
Jason: You know, they have that one fucking “Islands In The Stream” hit and they’re doing a whole album.
Jeff: I’m pretty sure they’ve done multiple Christmas albums.
Jason: Listen to Kenny’s vocal. He’s phoning it in!
Jeff: How much do you want to bet they both phoned these in?
Jason: Oh god, somebody shoot Dolly.
Jason: She just did that voice thing she thinks is cute, but isn’t. “I believe when someone hurts us, we should forgive and forget.” I will neither forgive NOR forget this dreck. Plus, it has nothing to actually do with Santa Claus.
Jeff: I believe in immaculately groomed beards.
Jason: I believe in spray-on tans.
Jeff: I believe in colossal jugs.
Jason: I believe in trans-fat coated fried chicken.
Jeff: I believe I’ve heard better Christmas songs.
Jason: I believe in women who resemble The Joker.
Jeff: I believe these drums are embarrassing.
Jason: The guitarist is in seventh heaven. Apparently nobody told him to rein it in.
Jeff: Oh God!
Jason: OH FUCK.
Jeff: Children’s choir!!!
Jason: KIDS! FUCKING KIDS!
Jeff: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! This is this best! And by “best,” I mean “hellishly awful”!
Jason: There was a little Dolly giggle in there. “Let the whole world sing!” Except the Muslims! Not so fast, Jews!’
Jeff: Ha ha ha! “No one invited you, sneaky Mormons!”
Jason: What, exactly, did that song have to do with Christmas, other than that ONE line?
Jeff: WOW. That was INCREDIBLE.
Jason: Yeah, that was rough. I bet the whole album is like that.
Jeff: I’d rather not find out, thank you very much. I will send this to everyone I hate.
Jason: In that case, I’m honored you sent it to me first.[youtube]mpnb6WxO_os[/youtube]