We’re back with another day of Mellowmas – Day 14, to be exact. Is this as painful for you as it is for us? Just curious.

James Taylor – Jingle Bells (download or stream below)
From James Taylor At Christmas Amazon iTunes


[audio: Taylor – Jingle Bells.mp3]

Jason: Hey, fake horses!

Jeff: Monty Python horses!

Jason: AUGH!

Jeff: Whoa.

Jason: I hate when JT sings like this.

Jeff: What happened here? Did he record this after a trip to the dentist?

Jason: He sounds like he has Livingston’s balls in his mouth.

Jeff: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Jason: I can’t believe I just said that.

Jeff: I think it’s usually the other way around, but yeah.

Jason: Ha ha ha!

Jeff: “Steamroller Jingle Bells Blues.”

Jason: “The James And Livingston Taylor Teabag Album.” Just a collection of songs with Livingston singing and James cock-walloping him.

Jeff: See, this is what happens when you sell as many records as James Taylor has. No one has the guts to pull you aside and say, “James, I understand what you’re after here, but this is neither the time nor the place.”

Jason: Yes. I mean, this is not a cover.

Jeff: “Quit fucking around and play ‘Jingle Bells’ the way it’s meant to be played.”

Jason: This is some kind of pretentious re-interpretation.

Jeff: “And I swear to God, if you do that New England ‘blues’ growl again, I will hit you in the Adam’s apple.”

Jason: I like his cover of “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas.” But yeah, this is him saying, “remember when I used to be gritty?” And I don’t, so this isn’t doing anything for me.

Jeff: I think it’s him saying “I’m bored, la la la, I’m making a Christmas record.”

Jason: Holy shit. I just got to the scat.

Jeff: A one, a one, a one…And now the fadeout.

Jason: Jingle Bell ba fa fa ba fa ba

Jeff: I think the engineers got sick of listening to it.

Jason: Gee, I wonder why they couldn’t just end it definitively. Maybe because they never had any structure to begin with.

Jeff: I bet he did. I bet he was like, “Chicken chokin’ motherfuckin’ jingle baaaaay-heeeeells…”

Jason: ha ha ha ha!

Jeff: And everyone clapped, knowing they had faded it out already. And James Taylor hasn’t listened to one of his own albums in 30 years, so he never knew.

Jason: JT is capable of so many beautiful things, Jeff. Why did you send me this one? Thanks for the marble-mouthed Christmas carol, James. You suck.

Jeff: Boo!

About the Author

Jeff Giles and Jason Hare

Two people, separate rooms Trying to hurt the other Bound together by destiny Is there nothing they won’t do? Will we never see them through?

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