Happy First Day Of Extended Mellowmas! The scary thing is…we’re just getting started!

John Denver – “Please, Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas)” (download or stream below)
From Rocky Mountain Christmas Amazon iTunes


Jeff: What song today?

Jason: Ready to plead to daddy?

Jeff: Oh no.

Jason: Oh yes. Please. Daddy. Don’t get drunk this Christmas.  Hey, didn’t your daughter sing this song to you last year?


Jason: Oh god. I can’t believe this song.

Jeff: I never liked John Denver.  I can’t believe those nerds from the Starland Vocal Band wrote it.

Jason: They wrote this for him?

Jeff: Either that or he stole it.

Jason: Holy shit! Talk about a passive-aggressive intervention! “Oh yeah, John, we, um, wrote this for….someone else…Jim Croce.”

Jeff: Goddammit, if you had a kid who sounded like this, don’t you think you’d get drunk every night of the fucking year?

Jason: Ha ha ha! Actually, I’d probably pay a pilot to sabotage a…oh.

Jeff: “I turned around and saw my mama’s tears.” This is depressing as hell. Is it supposed to be funny? Because it isn’t.

Jason: I love the voice crack on “Please.”

Jeff: Yeah, but it would be better if he didn’t do it every single time.

Jason: Big finish! Big finish for the alcoholic!

Jeff: Blech.

Jason: Wow.

Jeff: Miserable.

Jason: That was 2:37 and we had nothing to say about it.

Jeff: Well, I mean, it’s kind of heartbreaking.

Jason: I thought we were going to be much funnier with this one.

Jeff: One of the SVB members must have had a horrible childhood.

Jason: Who writes Christmas songs like this?

Jeff: The Danoffs! No wonder their Christmas album was never officially released!

Jason: Oh, you’re not going to get me to speak ill about SVB again. I don’t think Bill Danoff is too happy about last year.

Jeff: I’m not happy about right now.

Jason: And I still feel bad about it. I seriously love Starland Vocal Band.

Jeff: Even after this?

Jason: Bill, if you’re reading this, well, first, why are you reading this? Second, I love you.

Jeff: Third, what the hell were you thinking?

Jason: Don’t listen to him, Bill!

Jeff: What’s next, “Please Daddy (No More Sodomy for New Year’s)”?

Jason: I think Bill was clearly trying to tell John that maybe – just maybe – he needed to, you know, not get drunk this Christmas.

Jeff: I’m telling you, that song came from a very real, very dark place. And it should have stayed there.

Jason: I wonder if there’s a published story behind it.

Jeff: Me too.

Jason: I guess I’ll just keep on wondering. Because I can’t be bothered to look it up.

Jeff: I’m looking it up. Oh. My. God. The Decemberists covered this. What kind of world do we live in?

Jason: They did? I know Alan Jackson did.

Jeff: Alan Jackson will cover anything.

Jason: The Decemberists probably being ironic. I’m not listening to this. I won’t. I refuse.

Jeff: Dude, it literally cannot be worse than this.

Jason: Please Jefito (Don’t Make Me Listen To Indie Hipsters This Christmas)

Jeff: Ha ha ha ha ha!

About the Author

Jeff Giles and Jason Hare

Two people, separate rooms Trying to hurt the other Bound together by destiny Is there nothing they won’t do? Will we never see them through?

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