Day one, everybody! Are you ready? (You’re definitely not ready. Too bad!)
Teddy Pendergrass: Happy Kwanzaa (download or stream below)
from This Christmas (I’d Rather Have Love) Amazon
Jason: Mellowmas hits the Congo?
Jeff: Aww yeah!
Jason: I don’t mean that as a racist. It sounds like “Congo” by Genesis.
Jeff: For the record, I would like to say that I said “aww yeah” before Teddy, and without knowing that he would, in fact, say “aww yeah.”
Jason: Whoa! We want the funk! Gotta have that funk! Happy Kwanzaa, Jeff.
Jeff: And a very Happy Kwanzaa to you, Jason. When is Kwanzaa, anyway?
Jason: Kwanzaa? You’re asking a Jew?
Did he just whisper “oh shit?” I think I heard that incorrectly. I can’t hear anything over this bassline.
Jeff: You never know with Teddy. I love the backing vocals.
Jason: This song is actually kind of awesome. Together, there is so much we can do,
Jeff: All right! It’s a celebration!
Jason: At one point, I knew what Kwanzaa was about. I learned about it last year. But I forgot. Along with Hanukkah.
Jeff: If Teddy’s singing about it, it must be about sex.
Jason: Come join the party! I think he just started speaking part of “All Night Long” by Lionel Richie. Happy Kwanzaa, everybody!
Jeff: “It’s a celebration that will last throughout the year” — that’s got to be, right off the bat, the most awkward line we’re going to hear all Mellowmas. I mean, Mellowzaa.
Jason: You know, if people didn’t know us better, they’d think we’re jerks. But we’re this disrespectful to everyone.
Jeff: …Except Michael McDonald.
Jason: Well, of course not McD. Teddy is feelin’ this one.
Jeff: Oh, shit! A rap!
Jeff: I give hugs to my moms!
Jason: Who is this? Bell? Biv? The other guy?
Jeff: I think it’s Teddy’s left nut! MC Scrote! He had a hit in 1990, I think.
Jason: Creativity! Unity! Something unintelligible! Teddy’s nut sounds great. I’ve been waiting for his nut to break out and do a solo record, actually.
Jeff: I love this song.
Jason: Yeah, this is actually pretty awesome.
Jason: Key change, motherfuckers!
Jeff: Teddy is getting the fuck down.
Jason: I’m doing my best white man’s groove right now. Key change 2: Electric Boogaloo!
Jeff: Wait — a fade-out?
Jason: BOOO for the fade-out!
Jeff: Bullshit! Boo! An excellent start.
Jason: But still, if you look at this song as a whole, it’s like 95% awesome. I can deal with the fadeout knowing that my booty had a good shake for the other five minutes.
Jeff: An excellent start. See? It’s like Mellowmas never ended. It can only go downhill from here.
Jason: Yeah, I think we’re screwed. We’ve set the Mellowmas bar really high, now.
Jeff: Just wait until Jim Nabors shows up.