The Sixth Day of Mellowmas: Mistletoe, Wine & Bad Teeth

It’s Day Six of Mellowmas, and you may be wondering: is Mellowmas any different over in Jolly Old England? The horrible truth is…it may be worse!

Cliff Richard – Mistletoe & Wine (download or stream below)
From Mistletoe & Wine

Jason: Wow, listen to that cute little synthesizer.

Jeff: How gentle! How mellow!

Jason: Now, you know the story behind Cliff, right?

Jeff: Isn’t this guy like Elvis in England?

Jason: Apparently. He’s had, like, a million Christmas #1 hits in the UK. I only know him because of “Suddenly” with Olivia.

Jeff: He sounds like a cross between Glenn Medeiros and a recurring nightmare I used to have.

Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha! I just spit out my egg nog!

Jeff: Gifts on the tree?

Jason: A time for trusting, not deceiving. Just follow the master, Jeff.

Jeff: Yeah, I noticed that too. I wonder what he’s trying to talk her into?

Jason: Christmas time! Mistletoe and Wine!

Jason: I just heard that line about gifts on the tree again.

Jeff: Again with the gifts on the tree.

Jason: That makes no sense.

Jeff: A time for getting!

Jason: I think that was a real trumpet! Wait…what the hell is that?? Is that a baby crying?? Was that a guy actually pretending to play a harmonica with his mouth?

Jeff: What about that freaky chick doing background?

Jason: Listen to that timpani!!! Oh my god!

Jeff: Wow, is this over the top or what?

Jason: Seriously! And those are real horns, too.

Jeff: It’s like a Meat Loaf Christmas song.

Jason: Mmmm, meatloaf. That sounds better than mistletoe and wine. That sounds like that would taste terrible.

Jeff: Makes about as much sense lyrically as a Loaf song would, actually. There’s that chick again. I wonder if it’s Cliff Richard?

Jason: Ugh!

Jeff: Or if he found himself a little castrato boy?

Jason: I bet that’s not a girl! I bet that’s a boy!

Jeff: On loan from Gary Glitter!

Jason: Ladies and gentlemen, production by Gary Glitter! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! I’m scared that we both went there instantly.

Jeff: Our lawyers will be scared, too.

Jason: So Wikipedia says that this was Cliff’s 99th single. And his 12th #1.

Jeff: This was a single? Oh, man. What year?

Jason: 1988! The song “was originally performed by Twiggy in a TV musical based on Hans Christian Andersen’s The Little Match Girl in 1986. Richard liked the song but wanted to change the lyrics to reflect a more religious theme, to which the writers agreed.” 4 weeks at #1 and 750,000 copies! Holy shit! I can totally understand it, though. It does have a classic Christmas carol sound.

Jeff: Yeah, well, this is the same country that made a sensation out of that ringtone frog. And Bob the Builder. And the Spice Girls.

Jason: “It was also used in a British public information film about drink driving, with the intention of scaring motorists.”

Jeff: Ha ha ha ha ha!

Jason: They succeeded!

Jeff: All they had to do was film a drunk driver frantically trying to change the station! Swerving this way and that!

Jason: Ha ha ha ha! “I could have sworn he was talking about gifts on a tree!”

Jeff: Having heard only one of Cliff Richard’s 99 singles, I believe I can now say he sucks.

Jason: That’s not true. You know “Suddenly.” It was a Mellow Gold selection. And I love that song.

Jeff: I may have heard it. But I don’t remember it.

Jason: Nice to know you read my entries. I shouldn’t talk. though. I never read your stuff.