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Folks, normally the Twelfth Day Of Mellowmas would also be the last day of Mellowmas. This year, though, it’s just another crappy day!

Daryl Hall & John Oates – Christmas Must Be Tonight (download or stream below)
From Home For Christmas Amazon iTunes

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[audio:http://www.wwmmd.net/tunes/mellowmas/Daryl Hall and John Oates – Christmas Must Be Tonight.mp3]

Jeff: Chimey!

Jason: Okay, good start….and then Daryl Hall opened his mouth.

Jeff: Goin’ down to Bethlehem!

Jason: BethLEEhem? Where the fuck is that?

Jeff: Fuck you, Daryl Hall!

Jason: Did this song need to be covered?

Jeff: This is lazy, lazy, lazy.

Jason: I like the original.

Jeff: I haven’t heard the original, and now I never want to.

Jason: Is Oates even on those vocals?

Jeff: You think Oates would touch this? He was home, rolling around in his money.

Jason: I wish Oates would come out with a $100 under his nose instead of a moustache. See, they insist on changing the rhythm and shit, and it’s awful.

Jeff: Daryl used to be a great vocalist. I haven’t heard him do one vocal since the early ’90s that wasn’t full of shtick.

Jason: It’s not that his voice sounds bad. It’s that he refuses to sing anything without going all soul ad-lib.

Jeff: It’s like he listens to nothing but old Keith Sweat records.

Jason: Ha ha!

Jeff: And he thinks the rest of us don’t notice.

Jason: Hammond!

Jeff: Real organ: Yes or no? I say no.

Jason: Yeah, I think it is. I’m not going to bet you, though. I remember our Jim Nabors bet.

Jeff: Never mention that name to me again. You think everything is real.

Jason: It goes with my Christmas spirit. I believe in real organs. And Jim Nabor kicking the bucket.

Jeff: Son of a carpenter!

Jason: I can’t believe you don’t know the original version of this song. It’s by The Band!

Bonus Non-Shitty Mellowmas Download:
The Band – Christmas Must Be Tonight (download)

Jason: Well, trust me, it’s better than this. Like you said at the top: lazy. This just didn’t need to happen.

Jeff: Never in my life have I wanted so badly to strike Daryl Hall.

Jason: You know what’d be great?

Jeff: If Robbie Robertson punched Daryl Hall?

Jason: In my dreams, Oates rips off his moustache and uses it like a nunchaku against Hall.
Jeff: Manga Oates!

Jason: Well, not in my dreams. That sounds awkward. I don’t dream about Oates.
I CAN DREAM ABOUT OAAAAATES!

Jeff: You make my Oates come true!

Jason: Private Oates! Because your Oates! Your Oates is on my list!

Jeff: I wonder if this shitty cover will be a hit? Or if it was a hit last year?

Jason: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! I’m sorry, did you just say “hit?”

Jeff: You’re right, I should have qualified. “AC hit.”

Jason: Holy shit. You’re wrong, but check out this fact. “The album includes a version of “It Came Upon A Midnight Clear”, which became their second number one Adult Contemporary hit.”

Jeff: See? I knew they’d ship this to AC stations. Receptionists don’t care about The Band.

Jason: Do you know what their first AC #1 was?

Jeff: Hmmm. Something from “Do It for Love.”

Jason: It was “Do It For Love.” You’re good. And really bad. All at once.

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About the Author

Jeff Giles and Jason Hare

Two people, separate rooms Trying to hurt the other Bound together by destiny Is there nothing they won’t do? Will we never see them through?

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