mellowmas2010

Jason: So. Ten years of Mellowmas.

Jeff: It seems like a lot when you say it that way.

Jason: But it’s more than that.

Jeff: More than 10? Wait, we’re not stopping?

Jason: It’s actually our tenth anniversary of being friends!

Jeff: OH THAT. Yes, that’s true! Such a blissful decade of friendship.

Jason: I’m a nostalgic person, as you know.

Jeff: I do know this. I’ve seen you tear up at the sight of a 3D Santa.

Jason: Don’t you start with me! (sniff)

Jeff: Let it out, little buddy.

Jason: That Radio City Santa opening number is BEAUTIFUL.

Tito, get me some tissue.

Anyway, thinking about our ten-year bromance got me to thinking: when did our relationship go from just being acquaintances, to being mutual fans of the same music, to going out of our way to send each other awful music?

Jeff: Within the space of about four days, I think, although I could be remembering that wrong.

Jason: Do you remember how it started?

Jeff: I feel like we went from you sending me the Jellyfish box to me sending you the collected works of Benny Mardones in less than a month.

Jason: That’s not it. It’s okay, I’m already crying from 3D Santa. I’ll just keep crying since YOU DON’T REMEMBER.

Jeff: I’ll just be drinking silently in the corner.

Jason: It started because I sent you the Paris Hilton album.

Jeff: THAT’S how it started? You fucker! That hurt.

Jason: I know. And the truth is that I didn’t remember it starting this way either. I remember you starting it. In fact, you may still have started it. This is just the earliest thing I can really remember.

But anyway. Paris Hilton. I sent you her album. Do you remember how you retaliated?

Jeff: Metal Machine Music?

Jason: YOU ARE KILLING ME RIGHT NOW

Jeff: Am I wrong AGAIN?

Jason: YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT US

All these years.

Jeff: You are Dan Hill, I am Vonda Shepard.

Jason: Isn’t Dan Hill dead?

Jeff: He’s Canadian, so I guess he might as well be.

Jason: Oh wait. I’m thinking of Jim Nabors.

Jeff: Anyway. What am I not remembering here?

Jason: This!

Jeff: OH THAT! That CD polluted a section of my shelf for years! I wonder how I finally got rid of it.

Jason: Yeah. I wonder.

Jeff: cough

So gosh, that CD sucked, and I wish you weren’t bringing it up right now.

Jason: I wish the same thing. And I didn’t intend to bring it up. But you, see, Jeff.
It’s like this.

Jeff: The worm turns again!

Jason: I was doing some spelunking down the ol’ Mellowmas rabbit hole.

Jeff: That was your first mistake. Don’t go in there.

Jason: And I found this album called Songs in the Key of Z, Vol. 2: The Curious Universe of Outsider Music.

Jeff: concerned scowl

Jason: Which seems similar to Only in America Volume 2. Except.

Jeff: EXCEPT WE WILL NOT BE LISTENING TO IT

Jason: EXCEPT THIS ONE HAS A CHRISTMAS TRACK

leprechaun dance

Jeff: JASON DON’T

Jason: It’s time for “Santa Claus Kissed Me” by Beulah!

Jeff: Well, there’s a cat on the album cover, which I think constitutes fair warning.
I think this is what Tom Waits’ mom sounded like after a couple of drinks.

Jason: I have to tell our listeners: listening to this on headphones is a real treat.

Jeff: I’m listening to it on headphones right now, and for the record, I strenuously disagree.

Jason: I think I just heard a truck drive by.

Jeff: I wish I had been in the road.

Jason: Me too, buddy. ME TOO.

Jeff: Jason.

This sucks, Jason.

Jason: Sure does, “friend.” I love the emotion that pours forth from Beulah when she says she flipped her lid — which is to say it sounds like every other line.

Jeff: Is she even singing words? I don’t hear anything

Jason: I feel like I just missed a plot point or something. I can’t focus.

Jeff: It’s just one long, unintelligible punch in the eardrum.

Jason: I don’t even have the strength to Google her.

Jeff: I reeeeemember God gave us pure Chriiiiiiiistmas cheeeeeer

Jason: Jeeeeeesus was born in Bethlehem our fiiiiiirst Christmas yeeeeeeeeear

Jeff: People on God’s biiiig earth please start your Christmas day riiiiiiight

Jason: Let’s join haaaands across God’s ocean, God’s holy….and fadeout.

Jeff: Thank you, fadeout! Thank you!

Jason: Praise God! Praise Beulah! PRAISE THE TEN YEAR FRIENDSHIP OF JASON AND JEFF

Jeff: I have to say, I could think of better ways of praising it.

Jason: Clearly remembering our history is not one of those ways. I say you get what you deserve.

Jeff: Can you blame me?

Jason: …I feel like that’s exactly what I did during this entire chat.

Jeff: If an ashtray could sing, it would sound like the song you just foisted on us.

Jason: See, it’s lines like that one that keep us together. Whereas I always thought if an ashtray could sing, it would sound like your mother when I took her to karaoke last week.

Jeff: Wait, are you saying my mother sounds better than this? Or worse? Either way, I think I might take it as a compliment.

Jason: We sang “Can’t We Try.” #fullcircle

Also, it was weird. She wanted me to call her Beulah….WAIT A SECOND