The Second Day of Mellowmas: O Holy Wintley!
Jeff: Well, well, well! Look who’s back for more Mellowmas.
Jason: I can’t say no to you, baby.
Jeff: As it turns out, ending a sentence with “baby” is oddly appropriate for today’s song. Also unnecessary exclamation points.
Jason: I hope you’re not implying I use exclamation points unnecessarily. I would argue that every exclamation point I use during this holiday is justified.
Jeff: Oh no. I’m just saying that the album we’re covering today is titled “O Holy Night!”
Which, you know, seems unnecessary.
Jason: I agree with you. At the same time, find me something about the music we listen to this season that isn’t unnecessary.
Jeff: Jason, have you ever heard of Wintley Phipps?
Jason: Of course! My favorite song was “You’re In Love.”
Jeff: *looks at Jason quizzically*
Jason: You’re in love! That’s the way! It should be! ‘Cause I want you to be happy!
Jason: Oh, wait. I see. Not them. Somebody else.
Jeff: Now I’m picturing a bald black man wearing Carnie Wilson’s beach lingerie from the “You Won’t See Me Cry” video.
Jason: There’s a very obvious joke here that I’m going to leave alone.
Jeff: I will join you in this. We are maturing, because Mellowmas makes us so old. Oh, speaking of old, here is a man with a very deep voice.
Jason: He’s definitely not from my family. Because we have very high voices.
Also, this guy is black.
Jeff: I don’t know anything about Wintley Phipps, but I think he might be a minister.
Jason: He has a nice smile.
Jeff: He does! It’s almost as nice as Jeffrey Osborne‘s.
Jason: The star to the right of his album photo should actually be placed on his teeth. Just a killer smile.
Jeff: YES! He uses Topol.
Jason: I don’t know, Jeff. If I had a smile like that, I might use an exclamation point too.
Jeff: You might. And yet you would still sound nothing like Wintley Phipps. Hey, do you have a subwoofer?
Jason: I want to lie and say no.
Jeff: Turn it up and brace yourself for a night most holy. Are you ready?
Jason: I think the question is less if I’m ready and more if the people who live below me are ready.
Wintley Phipps — O Holy Night! (download)
Jason: A majestic opening. Classy.
Jeff: Live strings! Such a blessing during Mellowmas.
Jason: Yes! I like it so far!
Jeff: I can’t.
Jason: That’s pretty low.
Jeff: Seriously, if I was in the audience for this, I would be pissing my pants. They would kick me out.
Jason: Jeff, this guy has chops!
Jeff: He’s awesome! I know!
Jason: Here comes the good part. FALL ON YOUR KNEES!
Jeff: But there’s something about this voice that makes me laugh uncontrollably.
Jason: This is the part where I always think of Cartman.
Jeff: Yes! “O night…when I get presents…” Wintley Phipps is SMOOTH.
Jason: So I’ll give you that his voice is low. But he’s nailing this.
Jeff: He’s nailing it, but I can’t stop laughing.
Jason: I was NOT expecting that! Wait a second. Real strings, and a drum machine?
Jeff: A real drummer can’t compete with Wintley!
Jason: If you made it far enough to pay for the orchestra, why wouldn’t you just spring for the drummer?
Jeff: There’s no bass, either! The orchestra was down the street. Wintley overpowers all.
Jason: THIS SONG IS NOT MESSING AROUND.
Jeff: WINTLEY IS SERIOUS
Jason: I just woke up the people downstairs.
Jeff: I’m sure they don’t mind, either. Wintley has risen. Goddamn! How many seconds are that last note?
Jason: BRING IT, WILSON PHILLIPS!
Jeff: I bow before Wintley Phipps! All hail the Mellowmas king!