The Seventh Day of Mellowmas: Ralf’d
Jason: Hey Jeff! Remember our buddy Fred Figglehorn?
Jeff: I’m leaving. You go to hell.
Jason: YOU COME BACK HERE.
Jeff: YOU DO NOT INVOKE THE NAME OF FRED FIGGLEHORN
Jason: Man, that was awful. Remember listening to him?
Jeff: Do I ever. Ugh.
Jason: It made me want to throw up. Which is appropriate, because today’s song is by somebody named Ralf.
Jeff: Wait, what? I’m sorry, did you say Ralf?
Jason: Ralf! Ralf Mackenbach!
Jeff: I’m crossing my fingers for a bootleg Muppet.
Jason: No such luck! He’s a Dutch singer.
Jason: Born in 1995, and you know what that means.
Jason: ONE YEAR OLDER THAN ZENDAYA
Jeff: I cannot tell you how much I dislike listening to music made by people born in the ’90s.
Jason: Then I think maybe today is not your day.
Jeff: I think I had the right idea when I said “I’m leaving.”
Jason: But don’t you want to see THE VIDEO.
Jeff: NO THANK YOU.
Jason: You’re cute. Acting like you have a say in the matter.
Jeff: Wait, this is no ordinary video — it’s an “officiële videoclip.” That sounds high-quality. Umlauts denote class.
Jason: Officiële videoclip? Hair like old-school Bieber? What could go wrong?
Jeff: This little fucker could be a HeartBeat Boy.
Jason: I could have been one too, remember?
Jeff: So many missed opportunities.
Jason: He definitely doesn’t know English.
Jeff: At least he isn’t blind like whoever dressed him.
Jason: He also doesn’t know how to dance.
Jeff: Where IS this?
Jason: I like the part with the women singing in front of him at a point where there aren’t any backing vocals.
Jeff: Is this the moose lodge where Kenny and Dolly taped that one video?
Wait, is Ralf a midget?
Jason: OH MY GOD I WISH THAT WERE TRUE
Jeff: There’s something weird about the way he looks when they show his whole body. Also about the way he says “clock.”
Jason: Yeah, and who told him argyle was a good idea?
Jeff: He almost punched the black kid!
Jason: Whoa, what is happening at the end of this clip?
Jeff: JASON WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW
Jason: I don’t know, but it was the best part of the song!
Jeff: Why are half of the suggestions after it ends for Ratt videos?
Jason: Why are you questioning anything anymore?
Jeff: I honestly don’t know. I give up.
Ralf. Ralf is a thing. Ralf and argyle and a hat.
Jason: I want a whole album from him. A Very Merry Ralfmas. Ralfin’ Around the Christmas Tree.
Jeff: I’m just glad that was the officiële video, rather than a böotleg.
Jason: Ralfnuts Roasting On an Open Fire.
Jason: The Christmas Ralf.
Jeff: Or better yet, A Homeless Ralf Christmas.
Jason: I can do this all day! Rudolph the Red-Nosed Ralfdeer.
Jeff: I think the lesson here is that we need to avoid holiday music from the cold European countries. Who was that Norwegian country singer we suffered through last year?
Jeff: Arne Benoni!
Jason: Oh, Jeff. Arne Benoni was two years ago.
Jeff: I’m looking at his picture and wishing he had an argyle sweater vest and a hat.
Jason: You straight up Ralf’d right through 2012.
Jeff: I wish I could Ralf back to 2004!
Jason: Back when Ralf was only 9!
I hate you, Zendaya.