The Steel Horse Archives: Warrant, “Cherry Pie” (1990)

WARRANT
Song Title: “Cherry Pie”
Album: Cherry Pie
Release Date: Sept. 11, 1990

Why You Remember Them: Arguably, and along with Winger, Warrant for one reason or another has become something of the go-to punching-bag band of the state fair-metal universe. Scientists believe this is due to the cover of Cherry Pie, which depicts a raspberry-lipped waitress dropping a piece of the titular pie — that’s right, titular, we hear your snickerings — and the plummeting treat was photographed just as it passed her nether regions, an art-directed “metaphor” that’s responsible for making Warrant the hair band of choice among English grad professors.

Worldwide Album Sales To Date for Cherry Pie: 3 million

But Why Would Such Nice Rockers Objectify Women Like That? Well, you’d be traumatized too if you walked in on your best chick tagging some other dude, as singer Jani Lane did on “I Saw Red,” the power ballad of choice on Cherry Pie and sort of the slutty cousin of the band’s previous “Heaven.” “I didn’t need to see his face … I saw yours,” Lane howls, heartbreakingly, and though we don’t see his face, the other guy is Mark Sanford.

Did Warrant Ever Record A Narrative Murder Mystery With An Unbelievably Incongruous and Historically Inappropriate Title?: Just one: “Uncle Tom’s Cabin,” in addition to being the title of a classic anti-slavery novel or some crap, is a Warrant song about two kids who witness local po-leese covering up a murder most foul. Its B-side was a track about dirty whore-sex with a drunk 19-year-old clubgoer called “Far from the Madding Crowd.”

And Maybe Some Saucy Political Satire? YES! The “Ode to Tipper Gore,” a minute-long compilation of Jani Lane saying “fuck” on stage, was left off of the record’s edited version and is the only time in recorded history when the music community at large has stood fully in support of Tipper Gore on something.

Other Key Tracks: “Down Boys,” “Heaven”

Best Parts of Their Wikipedia Entry: “Warrant’s music has undergone significant evolution throughout the band’s 20-year history.” Also, they recorded their first demo tape for Paisley Park Records. Oh, and this: “The release of Cherry Pie was followed by a tour with the band Poison, which ended in January 1991 after a conflict between the two bands over stage room.” Girl fight!

Pre-Nirvana Song Titles: “Cherry Pie,” “You’re the Only Hell Your Mama Ever Raised”

Post-Nirvana Song Titles: “April 2031,” “Andy Warhol Was Right”

Estimated Number of Greatest Hits Collections: Approximately 3
Most Recent Greatest Hits Collection Title: Then and Now Warrant

Estimated Number Of Live Albums: One. Just one? Really? What are you guys doing?
Live Album Title: Warrant Live 86-97

Sweet Christ, They Actually Covered: Themselves! The 1999 album Greatest and Latest answered the call for freshly re-recorded new versions of Warrant hits. They also contributed a disgraceful version of “We Will Rock You” to the film Gladiator. No, no, not that one.

Most Improbable Song Title: “Hell, Ca.” Have you ever tried rhyming U.S. postal service abbreviations? It’s like trying to rhyme “Juggalo.”

Little-known fact: Warrant is the boss at the end of World 4-4.

Look at this promo picture! What’s going on in Warrant ‘96? Are they floating in Super Mario Bros. 3?

Arbitarily Scored Ferocity of Devil-Horns Thrust: Three. This is absurd.

What the Hell Happened to Them? Shortly after the release of Cherry Pie, Warrant walked into the offices of its Sony home and found its CEO having wild sex with Alice in Chains, effectively ending the band. In recent years, the band has endured a multitude of lineup changes; singer Jani Lane, as of press time, is no longer with the band and is, one imagines, now eating his pie alone.