The Twelfth Day of Mellowmas: Mindless Mellowmas

Written by Mellowmas, Mellowmas 2012, Music

Everybody already know it’s Mellowmas, so I’ma tell ’em. Aight?

Jeff: Jason, you know what we haven’t heard enough of this Mellowmas?

Jason: Silence? rimshot

Jeff: Well, yes, definitely. But also.

Jason: HA! Beat you to the rimshot, motherfucker!

Oh, I’ll bite. What have we not heard enough of this Mellowmas? And you can’t say “shit,” because that’s an outright lie.

Jeff: Jack that is new!

Jason: What, you don’t count Bobby Sherman?

Jeff: Bobby SHERMAN, not Bobby BROWN. But don’t get your hopes up, because we aren’t listening to Bobby Brown today.

Jason: How will I ever live? Are we listening to Ralph Tresvant?

Jeff: Nope! We’re listening to something called Mindless Behavior. Which kind of sums up Mellowmas, really.

Jason: What in the world is Mindless Behavior?

Jeff: A boy band that scored a Top 10 record last year without either of us realizing it. They’ve toured with Bieber!

Jason: Seriously?

Jeff: And as we both know, Bieber is your middle name.

Jason: Yes. For those of you who don’t know, I always know when Jeff has sent a package to my house, because it’s addressed to “JASON BIEBER HARE.”

Jeff: It started last year when I sent you the Bieber Christmas album. Where is that, anyway? I hope you have it hanging over your daughter’s crib.

Jason: I’m pretty sure it went out on the curb the day after you sent it. Maybe the day of, I can’t quite remember.

Jeff: You ingrate!

Jason: I know. It’s the only way I can get you back. I throw it out the window, then giggle at the thought of you actively wasting your money. Every time you send me something awful, your kids have a greater chance of going to community college. I can’t believe your wife still allows you to have a credit card.

Jeff: Fortunately, I have just the comeuppance for you: “Christmas With My Girl,” the holiday single from BET Awards Coca Cola’s Viewer’s Choice Award winners Mindless Behavior.

Jason: I feel like you just threw a bunch of words at me that are supposed to be impressive, but all I am is confused. Which could be a sign of my age, but I don’t think it is.

Mindless Behavior, “Christmas with My Girl” (download)

Jeff: Aww yeah!

Jason: Ay, c’mere.

Jeff: Auto-Tune and spoken word! This is so obnoxious in every way.

Jason: I am dying to know what this guy sounds like without the Auto-Tune.

Jeff: Like ass, I’m guessing.

Jason: Oh no. I just KNOW this chorus is going to get stuck in my head. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Jeff: The song isn’t terribly written — it has a pretty solid hook. What kills it for me is the production. It’s so shitty.

Jason: Yeah. It’s the kitchen sink.

Jeff: And the Auto-Tune! Jesus. Oh hey, here’s Left Eye.

“Everybody already think we go together, so I’ma tell ’em. Aight?”

Jason: I wouldn’t say I mind this. It’s more that I just can’t relate to it at all. Also, it just kind of ended out of nowhere — like they knew they didn’t have a solid ending, so they just cut it shor