The Twelfth Day of Mellowmas: Mindless Mellowmas

Jeff: Jason, you know what we haven’t heard enough of this Mellowmas?

Jason: Silence? rimshot

Jeff: Well, yes, definitely. But also.

Jason: HA! Beat you to the rimshot, motherfucker!

Oh, I’ll bite. What have we not heard enough of this Mellowmas? And you can’t say “shit,” because that’s an outright lie.

Jeff: Jack that is new!

Jason: What, you don’t count Bobby Sherman?

Jeff: Bobby SHERMAN, not Bobby BROWN. But don’t get your hopes up, because we aren’t listening to Bobby Brown today.

Jason: How will I ever live? Are we listening to Ralph Tresvant?

Jeff: Nope! We’re listening to something called Mindless Behavior. Which kind of sums up Mellowmas, really.

Jason: What in the world is Mindless Behavior?

Jeff: A boy band that scored a Top 10 record last year without either of us realizing it. They’ve toured with Bieber!

Jason: Seriously?

Jeff: And as we both know, Bieber is your middle name.

Jason: Yes. For those of you who don’t know, I always know when Jeff has sent a package to my house, because it’s addressed to “JASON BIEBER HARE.”

Jeff: It started last year when I sent you the Bieber Christmas album. Where is that, anyway? I hope you have it hanging over your daughter’s crib.

Jason: I’m pretty sure it went out on the curb the day after you sent it. Maybe the day of, I can’t quite remember.

Jeff: You ingrate!

Jason: I know. It’s the only way I can get you back. I throw it out the window, then giggle at the thought of you actively wasting your money. Every time you send me something awful, your kids have a greater chance of going to community college. I can’t believe your wife still allows you to have a credit card.

Jeff: Fortunately, I have just the comeuppance for you: “Christmas With My Girl,” the holiday single from BET Awards Coca Cola’s Viewer’s Choice Award winners Mindless Behavior.

Jason: I feel like you just threw a bunch of words at me that are supposed to be impressive, but all I am is confused. Which could be a sign of my age, but I don’t think it is.

Mindless Behavior, “Christmas with My Girl” (download)

Jeff: Aww yeah!

Jason: Ay, c’mere.

Jeff: Auto-Tune and spoken word! This is so obnoxious in every way.

Jason: I am dying to know what this guy sounds like without the Auto-Tune.

Jeff: Like ass, I’m guessing.

Jason: Oh no. I just KNOW this chorus is going to get stuck in my head. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Jeff: The song isn’t terribly written — it has a pretty solid hook. What kills it for me is the production. It’s so shitty.

Jason: Yeah. It’s the kitchen sink.

Jeff: And the Auto-Tune! Jesus. Oh hey, here’s Left Eye.

“Everybody already think we go together, so I’ma tell ‘em. Aight?”

Jason: I wouldn’t say I mind this. It’s more that I just can’t relate to it at all. Also, it just kind of ended out of nowhere — like they knew they didn’t have a solid ending, so they just cut it shor

Jeff Giles and Jason Hare
Two people, separate rooms
Trying to hurt the other
Bound together by destiny
Is there nothing they won’t do?
Will we never see them through?