Jeff: You want to get German?
Eisbrecher — Vergissmeinnicht (download)
Jason: !!!! What the fuck is this?
Jeff: This doesn’t sound like Christmas at all. AHHHHHH!
Jason: HOLY SHIT!
Jeff: What the FUCK?
Jason: Jeff, as a Jew, I want you to know I’m really, really frightened right now.
Jeff: As a NON-Jew, I’m frightened.
Jason: How the fuck did you find this track?
Jeff: It’s on an album called Melodic Metal Dreams for Christmas.
Jason: This sounds like one of the songs the Numa Numa kid would listen to.
Jeff: Ha ha ha! Numa Numa Kid!
Jason: What does Vergissmeinnicht mean, anyway?
Jeff: I don’t know, but I found the lyrics. The first verse begins:
Three weeks gone and the combatants gone
returning over the nightmare ground
we found the place again, and found
the soldier sprawling in the sun.
Jason: What the…
Jeff: Maybe this guy wrote “Song for Sarajevo.”
Jason: How is this a Christmas song?
Jeff: If Rammstein ever makes a Christmas album, I think it’ll sound a lot like this.
Jason: I don’t understand.
For here the lover and killer are mingled
who had one body and one heart.
And death who had the soldier singled
has done the lover mortal hurt.
Jason: Seriously. How is this Christmas?
Jeff: Oh, wait, you know what?
Jason: Hang on, I’m busy renouncing my faith.
Jeff: Those aren’t the lyrics. They’re a poem with the same fucking name.
Jason: Eisbrecher totally just punked you!
Jeff: These guys are the world’s scariest plagiarists.
Jason: I found the video!
Jeff: Are you watching it? I hear it ends with the singer in a casket.
Jason: Are you kidding me? No, I’m not watching the video! I won’t be able to sleep tonight!
Jeff: You know what? I like this better than the Archies.
Jason: You said you hated the Archies. You melodramatic motherfucker.
Jeff: I’m totally imagining these guys interrupting one of Ron Dante’s cruise ship concerts.
Jason: Ha ha ha ha ha! “Sugar…oh, honey hon (SLAP)”
Jeff: “Vergissmeinnicht! Vergissmeinnicht, Vergissmeinnicht, Vergissmeinnicht!”
Jason: “Oops, I crapped my pants!” I wonder how Eisbrecher would play in Fort Lauderdale. If I had some kind of immunity, I would totally invite them over for Passover seder.
Jeff: The band’s name translates to “icebreaker.” Oh, wait, I found the translation of the title!
Jason: Oh yeah? Does it mean “achoo”?
Jeff: Ha! It means “forget-me-not.”
Jason: So we still don’t know what the fuck this has to do with Christmas, other than you found it on that album.
Jeff: I’m going to their website. If I’m not back in five minutes, call the cops.
Jason: Forget the cops, I’m calling my rabbi. Think of shalom, Jeff.
Jeff: They have a podcast!
Jason: Do you think they just scream all through the podcast?
Jeff: I hope so!
Jeff: This website is full of hilarious almost-English: “Your loyalty will be recompensed! Who buys the new Eisbrecher-record â€žSÃ¼nde “ within the first publication week, gets a surprise from us on top.”
Jason: Vergissmeinnicht to all, and to all a good night!
Jeff: I’m totally buying this record for you.
Jason: Oh, no. Please, no. Send it to Robert or something.
Jeff: I want to know what the surprise on top is. Specifically when it is on top of you. Vergissmeinnicht!!!
Jason: Vergissmeinnicht! Do me a favor. Put this track on your daughter’s iPod.
Jeff: You’re so mean.
Jason: Tell her it’s a wonderful sweet lullaby. Then turn off all the lights. And wear all black, and dance around with a flashlight under your face.
Jeff: I’m scared she’ll know the words. I’ll wake up and find her next to my bed and she’ll say “Vergissmeinnicht!”
Jason: If your daughter can pronounce that word at three years old, you have a genius on your hands.
Jeff: I’ll tell you what I will do, though.
Jason: Let me guess. You’ll send me the CD.
Jeff: Aww, you ruined the surprise!
Jason: I hope you have to order it from overseas and it costs you like $30.
Jeff: Don’t worry, though — the band has an extra surprise on top for you. “What the surprise will be will not be shown yet of course!”