It’s Day 8 of the Jefito/Jason "Screw you, we’re not stopping with the shitty music, no matter how much you beg" 12 Days of Mellowmas!  And we’ve got one for you today from the man who somehow has a hand in more Mellow Gold music than is healthy: Andrew Gold!

As we mentioned last week, Andrew Gold has already influenced Mellowmas, simply by virtue of his production on America’s Holiday Harmony.  Jeff assures me this track is from an album entitled Steve Vaus Presents The Best Of The Stars Come Out For Christmas.  I can’t find it for easy purchase, and the cover is lame, so I just thought I’d post a picture of Andrew Gold.

(yes, Mike, he looks like me but with a beard. )

Andrew Gold – On Christmas Eve (download)


Jason: Another fade in. Is Ringo on this one too? What the fuck is with all this dialogue?

Jeff: Harpsichord-ish!

Jason: I feel like I’m watching Gold watch TV.

Jeff: Someone’s been listening to a lot of ELO.

Jason: When he recorded this, I bet he wore a costume of some sort.

Jeff: Ha! It was his "working musician" costume. It consists of an Andrew Gold World Tour 1977 t-shirt and a trucker hat that says "I Did More Than Just ‘Lonely Boy,’ You Know"

Jason: He’d never wear that shirt. People would say "What’s ‘Lonely Boy’?"

Jason: Chorus! Who are those people? They sound homeless.

Jeff: This is barely a song.

Jason: Wait, what are those gifts he listed? I’m rewinding.

Jason: Train for William, doll for Kathy. Or is it Kathie? Maybe he got a doll for Kathie Lee Gifford.  Tie for Daddy, "make them happy."  Okay.  First of all, Daddy got screwed.  He got a fucking tie. 

Jeff:  Everybody involved with this song got screwed.

Jason:  Second of all, anybody get the feeling Andrew Gold is a single dad?  I didn’t hear Mommy getting a gift.

Jeff: Mommy gets alimony. And half of the royalties from "Thank You for Being a Friend." Best of all, Mommy doesn’t have to listen to this shit anymore.

Jason: Well, at least it was short. It could have been much worse.

Jeff: Was it even 2:30 long?

Jeff: Imagine if Andrew Gold was your husband and you came home from a long day at work, supporting the family, and he played you this.

Jason: He’d be all like, "but I went out and recorded all those voices outside! It was a lot of work! And do you know how long it took me to find the "harpsichord" button on the Yamaha?"

Jeff: "And I’ve got America coming in next week!"

About the Author

Jason Hare

Jason Hare used to love Christmas. He feels differently now.

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