Well, folks, we had some good luck yesterday, didn’t we?  Everybody seems to pretty much agree that the Carrack tune was a good one.  Even reader Old Davy seems to think so:

Jason and Jeff, our Mellowmas leaders
You’ve only offered crap to all your blog readers
From Hippos and Pendergrass to a song by Pyle
The tracks have all been disgusting and vile

But lo and behold, what is this that I hear?
Some soulful samba to make listeners cheer
It took you a week, but day seven’s track
Is a not-half-bad song from ex-Ace man Carrack

After six days of crud I almost began weeping
But now you give us a song that’s worth keeping
Up until now, Mellowmas was sure stinkin’
Just please please please, NO Mandy Patinkin

Bravo!  Bravo!!  However, I’m sorry to inform you that the Carrack tune was a mistake.  Such quality, as you should know by now, will not happen again during Mellowmas.  Hell, read for yourself as we get jiggy with Fogelberg!

Dan Fogelberg – “At Christmas Time” (download or stream below)
From The First Christmas Morning Amazon iTunes


[audio: Fogelberg – At Christmas Time.mp3]

Jeff: Nice beat!

Jason: Surprise, fucker! Fogelberg’s Christmas album is, like, all Irish step music!

Jeff: It’s like the Mellowmas Death March!

Jason: Wait until you hear him sing! Synth horn!

Jeff: That is not a horn.

Jason: You like that?

Jeff: The Madrigal Fucktard Choir!

Jason: Everybody grab your Guinness!

Jeff: And a pistol! We’re heading out to Fogelberg’s castle!

Jason: You see how he doesn’t even hide the fact that he recorded each verse in two parts?
At Christmas time!
At Christmas time!
At Christmas time!
At Christmas time!
At Christmas time!
At Christmas time!


Jason: does happy dance I’m literally sitting here clapping.

Jeff: He stopped singing, thank God.

Jason: Oh just you wait. Here he comes again!

Jeff: I think some elves just ran through my kitchen.

Jason: Those aren’t elves, Jeff. Those are the Fogelfans. They’re fuming.

Jeff: It’s funny, ’cause he’s singing about peace and sacrifice, but all I want to do is punch someone. Preferably someone with the last name Fogelberg.

At Christmas time!
At Christmas time!
At Christmas time!
At Christmas time!
At Christmas time!
At Christmas time!
DO IT!!!
DO IT!!!

Jeff: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

Jason: Even Tim Weisberg backed out of this one.

Jeff: Oh God!

Jason: This song is tricky.

Jeff: Tricky? Tricky how?

Jason: Meaning it tricks you. It starts with those great guitars, and then you realize he’s going for some Irish thing. You think you’re getting some kick ass song, and then suddenly you realize you need to put on your dancing shoes and get your cheeks all red.

Jeff: I just deleted it from my hard drive. I will never listen to that song again.

Jason: Ha!

Jeff: Fuck your synth horn and patched-in vocals, Fogelberg! You should have done “Same Old Lang Syne II”!

Jason: I will say – because I know we’re going to catch flak from Fogelheads – that there are some very pretty instrumentals on the album. However, most of the vocal tracks have this Irish thing going on. And I know a Fogelfan told me different, but I still insist that the man is Jewish.

Jeff: Whatever. Sellout.

Jason: I mean, his name is FogelBERG. I’m not Jewish, but…oh wait. Yes, I am. So yeah. That’s a Jewish name.

Jeff: I think he changed it from O’Fogel.

Jason: I forgot I was Jewish for a minute. Maybe it’s because I keep listening to Christmas songs. I think it’s also because I don’t go to temple or do anything remotely Jewish, other than complain.

Jeff: Don’t forget Kwanzaa, you racist prick.

Jason: How could I forget Kwanzaa and its many….bountiful….gifts?…of…the…season..?

Jeff: All right, it’s dinnertime here. I’m going to get in trouble.

Jason: It’s dinner time!
It’s dinner time!
It’s dinner time!
It’s dinner time!
It’s dinner time!
It’s dinner time!


About the Author

Jeff Giles and Jason Hare

Two people, separate rooms Trying to hurt the other Bound together by destiny Is there nothing they won’t do? Will we never see them through?

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