Something surprising happens today, on Day Seven of Mellowmas: we actually wind up with a song that’s…not so bad! Will you feel the same? Listen and read on, suckas!

Paul Carrack – Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer (download or stream below)
From A Soulful Christmas Amazon iTunes


[audio: Carrack – Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer.mp3]

Jason: Ooh, listen to that classic sound. That actually is quite pretty.

Jeff: How loooooooooooong…has this reindeer been Rudolphin’ on… I’m falling asleep.

Jason: This doesn’t even sound like Paul Carrack to me. I hope the whole song isn’t this slow.

A few seconds pass.

Jason: OOOOH YEAH! Samba, bitches! Or whatever style this is.

Jeff: Ha ha ha! I think Casio calls it “drunk.”

Jason: Okay, well, give him credit for at least shaking it up a little. HORNS!!!

Jeff: Horn blast!

Jason: Those things damn near knocked me out of my chair!

Jeff: I think I can hear him snapping his fingers.

Jason: Jeff? I like this.

Jeff: Oh, wow.

Jason: I actually like this.

Jeff: This is, like, an arrangement.

Jason: I’m not crazy about the samba beat, but the big band sound is working for me.

Jeff: Big finish!

Jason: I like this a lot.

Jeff: Carrack just did the splits!

Jason: Ha!

Jeff: Yelled something unintelligible to the band!

Jason: Carrack quickly left the studio in the middle to write a song for Timothy B. Schmit!

Jeff: Ha! I think this may have actually been recorded live.

Jason: Wait, he just said “Santa came to stay,” not “say.” KEY CHANGE! I LOVE key changes. This song rocks.

Jeff: Yeah, I can’t argue with this.

Jason: It’s actually recorded really well, too. Like, great production.

Jeff: I bow down to Paul Carrack. (applause)

Jason: “History, man!”

Jeff: Paul Carrack saved Mellowmas.

Jason: “Mmmm….Rudolph.”

Jeff: That was great.

Jason: Great ending! You liked it too?

Jeff: Who wouldn’t like that?

Jason: I don’t get it. This isn’t the Paul Carrack I know. For starters, he looks like Mandy Patinkin on the cover.

Jeff: Hey, I’m just as pleasantly surprised as you. I wonder if Patinkin has released a holiday album.

Jason: Oh, I’m sure he has. Not only that, I’m sure I’ve bought it for my mother.

Jeff: Have you heard him sing? He sounds like Jim Nabors’ aunt.

Jason: How about that? He hasn’t. I heard Patinkin on the radio today singing a Sondheim tune. I was really excited to hear it, and then I turned it off instantly.

Jeff: I say we start a letter campaign asking for “A Very Mandy Hanukkah.”

Jason: Happy Patinkinmas! Hey, have you heard the rest of this Carrack album?

Jeff: I haven’t, but now I really want to.

Jason: Yeah. I agree. Wow. I can’t believe that we’re actually not ripping a Mellowmas artist apart. I kind of blame this on you. You picked this one.

Jeff: It seemed perfectly bad. Paul Carrack…Rudolph…what could go right?

Jason: I’m going to have to listen to the rest of this album. We’ve failed, Jeff. We’ve failed ourselves and our readers. I mean, reader. I just heard him leave. He took a ginger snap, some egg nog, gave us the finger and ran out.

Jeff: No, no, we’re just softening them up for the next terrible track. The death blow is so much more painful when you aren’t expecting it.

Jason: Let’s give ’em something really bad tomorrow! Like….FOGELMAS!

Jeff: (evil cackle)

About the Author

Jeff Giles and Jason Hare

Two people, separate rooms Trying to hurt the other Bound together by destiny Is there nothing they won’t do? Will we never see them through?

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