Happy Seventeenth Day of Mellowmas! Just eight days until Christmas…and then this will all be over. Until then, just grin and bear it while Jeff and I devolve into perverse sexual references and mocking each other’s mom.
[audio:http://www.wwmmd.net/tunes/mellowmas/Felix Cavaliere – Christmas in Your Arms.mp3]
Jason: Hahahahah! I don’t know why that opening made me laugh.
Jeff: It’s an involuntary reflex. Like gagging. Which is what I did when the vocals came in.
Jason: The acoustic guitars were nice, but the synths? Totally unnecessary. This song has nothing to do with Christmas, I bet.
Jeff: “Christmas in your arms is my dream.”
Jason: He probably just inserted “Christmas” instead of whatever word was there before. Like “my balls.”
Jeff: Ha ha ha ha ha! Yes!
Jason: “My balls in your arms is my dream.”
Jeff: “A Cleveland Steamer.”
Jason: “A Donkey Punch.”
Jeff: “A Dirty Sanchez.” “A One-Eyed Redskin.”
Jason: Whoa, I don’t know that one!…Wait, are we just naming gross things now?
Jeff: I think we are.
Jason: I’m waiting for a Christmas-specific lyric. There isn’t one yet.
Jeff: This song is stupid.
Jason: Wait, he just said something about…spices. And he just said “the THOUGHT that I’ll be near you,” and I could have sworn he said “FUCK that I’ll be near you.” Oooh, acoustic guitar solo!
Jeff: VERY tasteful. I wish he’d shut up.
Jason: I don’t even know who this guy is. Do we call him when JosÁ© Feliciano can’t make it to the studio?
Jeff: I think his kid was a child guitar prodigy.
Jason: It’s time to cherish all the love you’ve given my balls. I mean, me.
Jeff: Do not ask me why I think this.
Jason: With a name like Felix Cavaliere, can you do anything else but play guitar?
Jeff: Ha! I’d like to play this song for every woman I know, and ask them how they’d react if a guy performed it for them. “Merry Christmas, baby.”
Jason: Dude, when I hear those synths going in and out of the left/right channels, I get a little nauseous. There was very little that was Christmasy about that song.
Jeff: You’re just saying that because he’s Mexican.
Jason: Again with you trying to make me into a racist for no apparent reason. Is this because I said that the Pendergrass song sounded like it was “Congo” by Genesis?
Jeff: If your main concern is that the reason isn’t apparent, why don’t you just come out and tell everyone what the reason is? Go ahead.
Jason: No, you tell me. I want to know. Also, I don’t really know what we’re talking about or where this came from. So lay it on me, Jefito Claus.
Jeff: I’m not telling everyone about what happened between your mother and the gardener. That’s your secret to share.
Jason: You’ve been watching too much “Desperate Housewives.”
Jeff: Either way, I totally understand why you’re a racist.
Jason: I can tell them what happened with me and your mother. Stuffing of the stocking was involved. Something was hung by the chimney with care.
Jeff: That didn’t make you a racist. It just made you take penicillin for awhile.
Jason: A while?
Jeff: Oh, still?
Jason: She packs a powerful punch.
Jeff: Well. Make sure you finish your prescription.
Jason: Wait. Are we talking about my mom or your mom? I get so confused.
Jeff: I think we’re talking about Felix Cavaliere and why he sucks.
Jason: Oh, that’s right. Thank you.
Jeff: Happy Mellowmas, everyone!
Jason: …and scene!